I’m asking that as an asexual person. The exact definitions of sexual and romantic attraction is a very common discussion within the community.
What does feeling sexual attraction means for you? Does it mean you would want to have sex with this person? Or would you like just being close to this person?
I’m not sure this is the right place to ask this question but I figured I would be mofe appropriate to ask this to non-asexual people.
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I define sexual attraction as wanting to do sexual things with a person. Enjoying being close to them or spending time with them is either romantic attraction or just platonic attraction, depending on the circumstances.
I’m going to do my best to describe it to someone who doesn’t have reference to such a thing.
Sexual attraction isn’t solely a mental phenomenon. Yes, I look at someone and think that they are attractive, but there’s a big difference between aesthetic appreciation and sexual attraction, there needs to be more. There’s also a physical component, not dissimilar to being very hungry and seeing a delicious slice of pizza, or thirsty after a hot day and seeing a cold glass of water.
This is why hunger and thirst are so often used as metaphors to describe sexual attraction. Someone can be ‘thirsty’ from someone else, or someone can look at someone’s ass and say it looks ‘delicious’.
And just as hunger and thirst can present as physical sensations in the body (emptiness in the stomach, dryness of the mouth), so too can sexual attraction. It often presents as sensitivity in erogenous regions (particularly the genitals), heat and flushing in those areas, and so on.
>What does feeling sexual attraction means for you? Does it mean you would want to have sex with this person?
It’s not that *all things considered* I want to have sex with the person. It is just that I am aroused and the idea of having sex with her becomes very appealing.
> Or would you like just being close to this person?
True affection is very often mixed in.
Pure sexual attraction, for me, is very close to what you feel when you are hungry and see food or a picture of food: “here is something I would like to put in my mouth and chew and swallow.” You salivate a little and you imagine the sensations you would experience.
The vast majority of the time, I also feel fondly towards the woman, even if I don’t know her; I hope she is happy, I wish I could make her life more pleasant, I want to spend time with her.
Once in a long while, I am attracted towards a woman I personally despise, and then I just think, “Well, I would like to have sex with her until we both orgasm and then never speak to her again.”
Sexual attraction for me is somewhat complicated because I’m a bit Demi. So right off the bat I see an attractive girl (physically), if I’m lucky I will talk to said girl and she’s mentally attractive, then the next step would be emotionally attractive, at that point the sexual feelings will become apparent to me.
If she is missing one of these, it won’t become a sexual feeling for me (obviously no one is perfect, nor am I looking for “perfection”).