I just need to know who’s in the wrong in this situation or if we both are. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 years. He often falls asleep on the couch and eventually makes it to our bedroom. So i was already in our bed watching tv and he comes in ready for bed. I greet him and ask if he’s coming to bed so i make room and turn the lights off for him. He gets settled into bed and i notice i only have 1 pillow and i like to sleep with two so i say i need another pillow and i quickly noticed a pillow he wasn’t using and took it thinking nothing of it because he had like 6 pillows on his side. He immediately gets annoyed and starts arguing that I’m always stealing his pillows that he paid for and i tell him how am i stealing if we live together and i literally only have 1 pillow while he has a ton. He doesn’t care and just continues to argue that he’s paid for the pillow with his money over and over again. So at that point i went into flight response and the argument became nuclear. i don’t do well in explosive fights, my anxiety kicked in and i could feel my body uncontrollably shaking. i needed to get away from him so i threw the pillow on the bed and said here now go make love to it and walked out.he follows me of course, i was laying on the couch with my face buried into it and he stands on the couch hovering over me still arguing even though i stopped responding. I eventually said i need space this isn’t healthy and he says he doesn’t care he’s going to follow me and i yelled leave me the fuck alone and i go to another room. At this point it was 2 am and i couldn’t sleep all night. The next day we didn’t speak and i went to work. I don’t get why he had to make such a big fuss about the pillow when he could of just offered me a different one.
21 comments
if he’s doing this about a pillow think about something bigger. him saying he paid for it is super weird
[deleted]
He doesn’t sound that great of a partner. I would gladly hand over all my pillows I’m not using even if I paid a ton for them. It’s not like you’re going to soil on them and then steal them. What’s his problem.
This wasn’t about pillows, was it?
Sounds like a symptom to a bigger issue that he has with you. I would find a calm moment and check with him if something is bothering him. His logic about him paying for it sounds like he’s mad about other things.
You both sound ridiculous
Honestly don’t think there is a right or wrong in this situation. He paid for it so yes so it is technically his ‘property’ ,but come on who the fuck needs 6 pillows?
But what is just more concerning is that he blew up like this over a pillow. You expressed you needed space and was clearly done with this fight and he still kept going on and his response was ‘he doesn’t care’.
Think hard. He said he doesn’t care.
Now I am not gonna say what you need to do. What I am gonna say is that this is something that happens often then you need to think hard if this is the type of behavior you can live with for the rest of your life.
Also I will say that if my bf talked to me like that he would have been gone. Cause no bf of mine is hogging 6 pillows and letting me struggle with just 1.
What is wrong with him?? His reaction makes no sense, something else must be going on with him and he let his anger out over a stupid pillow. Also his “i paid for this” was unnecessary and rude. You should have a talk with him about what is really going on
Your boyfriend is mad at you. Nothing to do with pillows.
What happened to your usual second pillow if that’s how you like to sleep? Do you usually borrow one of his?
I agree with others that it’s probably not about the pillow and it sounds like there are bigger issues.
But i get the whole pillow thing. I like a lot of pillows but no matter how many I buy I cannot have a lot because my husband or kids will come along and say “oh you have so many” and take them. No matter how much money I spend I cannot have the amount of pillows I want because I am required by good manners to politely share anything that i have with the people I love. But why can’t the people I love just get their own if they want more. I would gladly buy my family more pillows, but everyone says they don’t want more until they notice that i have a lot.
This also happens to me with French fries. I find it infuriating.
Don’t fight about stupid shit.
I agree with others that it’s not about the pillows. Something else is going on. You need to talk to him about things.
It takes two to argue. You both acted poorly.
This is the stupidest argument I’ve ever heard. If you can’t share your pillows, how will you share your life together?
Really??? 6 pillows and he gets mad you took one, then throws it in your face that he bought it? It’s a pillow….who cares. I need 2 pillows to sleep too. It seems like he was mad about another issue and the pillow thing triggered it, lol idk girl.
Help learning conflict resolution is what relationship counsellors specialize in.
Make an appointment and just take him.
What an asshole. Seriously. Why are you with him?
I’d say he’s obviously feeling like things aren’t fair on some level.
On the other hand, that sounds horrible and I’m not sure he’s a safe person for you.
Your bf is insane. Who gets this worked up over a fucking pillow? When my partner moved in, he brought like 1 bag of clothes and some video games lol literally everything else was mine and I didn’t hold that over his head or not allow him to use the stuff I paid for because that’s literally crazy and not how healthy relationships work. Also, him following you around yelling at you is abusive. Do you really want to be with someone that treats you like that?
I hope he’s your ex boyfriend now.