Hello, my (25M) wife (22F) instituted an open marriage last year, and immediately began seeing her personal trainer(52M).
The short and sweet is he began spending more and more time at our house and practically lives here now. He forced my wife to go vegan, and by extension me — he tossed all of our food and began creating vegan grocery lists for us, or purchasing those groceries himself. To his credit, he does do the bulk of the cooking. The diet is actually not so bad aside from the meal shakes.
Over time, as he spent more time here, he forced her/us to abandon our commercial electronics and get more eco-friendly alternatives. We changed our tv, cellphones, ditched our pc, cut streaming services and tossed all of our vinyl. We moved to UnChainedTV, Fairphones, and one time digital purchases of music from vegan or eco-friendly musicians.
The more changes we went through, the more I would protest, but my wife always seemed happy. When I would upset or challenge him, he would charge normal price for my wives training, or punish her directly with training sessions so intense that she would not have energy for me or time for me.
I’ve mulled over and asked for advice on this in a few ways. I considered dating outside of our marriage too to help improve my self-confidence and meet my needs, but my wife shot this down and said she meant only a half-open marriage. I considered asking her personal trainer to go to counseling with me, so we could find common ground in a neutral space, however I’m afraid he won’t like this suggestion and may lash out at my wife.
Currently my wife and I are barely speaking since I suggested I also date. Her boyfriend is angry that I upset her in this manner, and that I’ve been complaining about how strict some of his eco-friendly BS is. All week he has instituted a cruel all-night training regimen with her, and I am left sleeping on the couch while they train.
I believe I need to first apologize and resolve my wife’s grievance, but she won’t talk with me. I think if I can sit them both down, apologize for suggesting a fully open marriage, and propose myself and her boyfriend seek counseling it may help resolve things.
Does anyone have additional advice? I would ultimately like to be able to enjoy some of my favorite tv and music again, but I want to be able to do so without upsetting her personal trainer so that her and I can still have sex and that he doesn’t increase his training rates further.
Edit: I’m conflicted by the advice. I thought counseling was a good alternative, but it sounds like maybe the best idea is to beat him in a physical fight. I’ve not considered divorce. I assume infidelity is grounds for divorce, but how would I prove it? I don’t have any concrete evidence they are sleeping together, and I have bills from him for personal training that I’ve paid, even for the in-house all night sessions.
24 comments
Lol.
What the hell did I just read?
Kick that dude out! Tell him to get the $#@% out of your house cuz it is not cool anymore.
This can’t be real. Please oh please if it is, RUN! This is crazy, manipulation at its finest. It’s kind of scary to be honest. Don’t live a life you don’t want to OP. A half open marriage? Sheesh, and where do you come in? You deserve better, with all due respect, respect yourself. Good luck!!
WTF man ! There is so much wrong going n what you just wrote. “only a half open marriage” ? Your never going to have back problems cause you obviously do t have a spine. Get some respect for yourself, you are being abused badly
Cool story bro.
Wtf mate, have a shred of self respect.
Dead
If this isn’t a troll post it’s up there with the most screwed up things I’ve seen in this sub, and the bar is *HIGH*.
I really don’t understand what you’re getting from this. The purpose of having an open relationship is so that you can both have your needs mutually met. You’ve allowed this guy to move in, bang your wife and ruin your life.
One of you needs to move out. I suggest it be you, learn from the experience, find a woman who wants monogamy, and don’t let your desperation to please her and/or not become lonely cloud your judgement next time.
Tf? Can’t be real. Grow a pair and take the trash out or accept your fate and divorce your wife.
FAKE! 🙄 get a life dude it’s fucking Friday night / Saturday morning do you really have nothing better to do ?
Can this be real?! Can hardly even begin to imagine it.
But if it is, I really hate to be harsh, but I’m going to be. Grow up and take control of your life. Tell your wife that this dude has to go or it’s over. Like right now.
Even then I don’t know why you’d want to stay with her after this. Stop acting like a child. Like right now. And take your home and your life back.
This is definitely a troll post! It for sure can’t be a real story.
The must be a troll. No one can be—never mind..
I’m sorry, but this is outrageous. A dude can sleep with my wife, but if he touches the prime ground beef patties in my fridge I’m going to get physical….
Dude RUN! This sounds soo wrong in so many ways…. what the heck is a half open marriage! This whole situation Sound very abusive and why does a 3rd party have a say in what happens in your marriage? You need to leave this hot mess of a marriage like yesterday.
Your wife is only interested in things that benefit her your needs clearly do not matter and will never matter… you are being used for something whatever that may be … my advice is RUN!
Gtfo.
Alright! 😳
This is enough Reddit for today…
Dude just leave this joke of a marriage.. all you have to do is grab a bag, get a place of your own and block their numbers. Seek Counselling too, I really do think you got a huge problem
How is it exactly an ‘open marriage’ if she can have another boyfriend – but your forbidden to date another woman?
Seems like your wife just wanted your permission to cheat. You should not – and I repeat – SHOULD NOT be apologising for anything. In fact, the only thing you should be doing is packing your bags and calling a wonderful divorce lawyer.
even if you dont want to divorce your wife, just stop paying for his stuff.
The best suggestion is to pack your stuff and move out, your wife is fucking someone else in the next bedroom and you are OK with it,ON top of that you are paying him to fuck your wife ? ALL NIGHT TRAINING SESSIONS.
Are you into cuckold or some shit ?
This must be a joke.
The only way to deal with this situation is to compete and win the love of your wife’s boyfriend so you become his only lover, soul mate, spiritual North Star. Be his everything.
Lean into his preferences + 15% more. Any more, it just feels too desperate. If he likes kale banana shakes, then that’s what you prepare for him and yourself. Add a bit of cinnamon powder for spice. If he doesn’t like electronics, then start writing letters, use physical message boards, paper newspapers, carrier pigeons. If he likes his partners to wear lingerie, you should wear lingerie for him. If he likes anal sex, then offer your butt and rim him afterwards. Get him ready to butt play (this comes in useful later).
Once he’s developed a dependency on you like a baby on their mother, then you can start to ween him off your wife slowly, like taking a leach off your left tit.
Ideally, you should have a shared pet with him that comes to represent the relationship once it becomes strong enough, which will become the focus of his life as you ween him off both your wife and ultimately yourself. The idea is to move his dependency on you onto the pet, in the same way you make a toddler use a bottle, then sippy cup, then a normal cup. Just that in this case the bottle is your wife, you are the sippy cup, and the normal cup is the pet. A hamster or parrot would be good choices. But a colony of bees will also be okay, but a lot more work.
As he grows closer to you, your wife will feel more neglected and lonely, and this is a great opportunity to rebuild your relationship with her as the rebound.
One thing that can help win her heart again is to fight her boyfriend it. Women are biologically coded to find the winner of fights for their affection attractive. Look at any other animal species – winner gets the females. So organize a boxing match with him to give yourself an opportunity to showcase your masculinity. Make sure 1) it is agreed the winner of the boxing match gets to peg the looser in front of your wife. It’s important to get written consent for this and have it notarized because you won’t want him going #metoo on you. 2) Spike the boyfriends drink with laxatives before the fight so you actually win. Be ready for things to get messy but your wife seeing you dominate her boyfriend while he shits himself will be how you win her heart back.
Alternatively, if your story is true, a much easier way is divorce and go your separate ways. Good luck.