I [19F] have come to the realization that no man has ever actually loved me. I’ve had two guys crush on me but never actually tell me or make any moves, one of them liked me for about a year and never got the courage to tell me, I found out about his feelings for me through his friends. Besides that I’ve had a situationship where I was manipulated into thinking the guy had real feelings for me. Now that it’s over I realize he never cared about me at all, he only wanted sex and was willing to lie about wanting a relationship when he didn’t.
I have been struggling a lot with this lately. Guys either only want me for sex or keep their feelings for me to themselves. I’m starting to think I’m just not enough. Pretty enough to have sex with but not to commit to. Not interesting enough.
Has anyone else struggled with this? How have you overcome it? What should I change about myself.
Tl;dr: I feel like I’m not good enough to be loved even though I’m full of love to give and don’t know what to do about it.

30 comments

  2. You’re so young to think this! Guys in your age bracket can be idiots and jerks. Try to choose authentic, kind guys with some substance. I guarantee it’s not a you thing.

  5. Feeling Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca right now “nobody ever loved me that much” at my own stage in life right now (30m).

    You’re still young, still so much time. Take chances and get over heartbreaks early is only advice I could give.

  6. Too young to act like this. Don’t worry about this nonsense. Be true to yourself and your own happiness. Love will follow eventually. You have a lot of life in front of you relax enjoy it. You will be loved for who you are.

  7. Dang your so young don’t worry about finding love right now focus on yourself and get to where you want to be in life. I’m 28 and separated from a bad marriage with a one year old child in the middle of it. Trust me you have plenty of time don’t rush it or over think things

  8. I know it’s been said….but you’re really really young. I’m not saying this to NOT validate your feelings (you’re entitled to them), but at that age most (men and women) are more preoccupied with getting laid and not concerned about long term relationships.

    For this reason, take time to vet potential partners and have a clear understanding of what you want out of the relationship. If the individual cannot provide that don’t waste your time or theirs. Most importantly…never EVER waiver on what YOU want out of a relationship.

    Good luck!

  10. Damn you out here making me think the same now. On a serious note, you’ve had the span from 18-19 years old to have someone feel about you this way. 1-2 years of your almost 20 years of being alive. You will have plenty of opportunities.

  11. Damm, in on the same situation (kinda), I haven’t even been loved romantically, i just had always been the friend you always come to whenever you are down, no matter what, I’ve always wanted to do more, but I was enough, and i just always keep being that way, so i just assumed my role, till I find the perfect partner, I hope when I find her, I don’t get my usual luck, that she don’t have a boyfriend, and i fall in love with her on those times, cuz it has happened me twice, in a row, god dammit, i just hope you can find the one, but if you need a friend, you can talk to me, I’m always offering help, and I’m such a good listener, and I’m the red skull of relationships, i gide others to a treasure I can’t possess…

  12. Also accept the fact that you’re 19 with very little life experience. Keep vetting the men properly and DO NOT sleep around to just feel validated in some way. This will only hurt your chances of finding a good man who wants you for you in the future.

  14. Don’t worry it’ll happen for you you’re too young to be worrying about such a thing.

  15. I’m a 27M so I can offer a guy’s perspective.

    A friend of mine had a similar issue. She was pretty and load of guys would think so too, including myself. The reason I didn’t ask her out initially was because I assumed she was already taken. I was thinking “she’s way to hot to be single”. I didn’t know her at this point, so I dismissed my crush on her. About 6 months later we became friends through a mutual friend and 2 years later we started dating for a bit. Since she hinted interest in me initially, I asked why she was interested in me then she told me about when she had a crush on me when we first met 2 years ago. I also admitted that I was crushing on her that time a told her why I didn’t make a move, and that I assudme she had a gf then. She told me that she probably would have go out with me then if I had asked.

    TL;DR: some guys may just think you’re too pretty not be single or stay in a relationship. They’ve put you on this pedestal where they think you’re too good for them, can’t believe you’d stay with them in a relationship, and would probably leave as soon as a looking better guy shows up.

  16. You’re 19. It’ll happen yet. Most teenagers have yet to understand what love actually feels like anyhow.

  19. You will find someone who will treasure you for who you are. Keep the faith. Love will find you 💜💜

  21. You’re way too young, you have a long way to go, so don’t worry, and just live your life to the fullest of your desires.
    Secondly, love yourself and only then can you be open to others loving you.

  22. Don’t give up. Stop dating for a bit though, it’s hard. Go to lots of group events. Indulge your hobbies and things you enjoy.

  23. I hear you OP, it can be really hard to find someone authentic. for me, becoming more comfortable and confident in myself eventually gave me a much better “bullshit detector” for sussing out men. the main sentence you wrote that stands out to me is “I feel like I’m not good enough to be loved” — honey, you so are! start by investing in loving yourself, is my opinion. maybe find some hobbies that lift you up/give you joy? maybe find some seriously good friends/community if you don’t have them already?

  26. Patience. At 19 the world is unfolding…most guys your age don’t know their head from their ass, let alone how to talk to girls or GASP share emotions! I know I was a dumbass at 19….

    Just ride.

  27. Honey don’t change a thing about yourself. It’s these little boys that need to change. Just live your best life and when the time is right you’ll find the one you’re meant to love.

  28. Don’t worry about it, dating is a minefield anyway so you’re best off not getting involved hahaha

  29. I’m 41 and in the same boat.

    I know others like you and I, some who are in their 60’s who never found anyone.

    Everyone will tell you, “it’s just time, you’ll find someone”, or “you’re so young”, “blah, blah, blah.”

    However, the song, “Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen,” is about the most accurate poem ever:

    Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t (maybe you’ll be loved, maybe you won’t)
    Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t
    Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the ‘Funky Chicken’ on your 75th wedding anniversary
    Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much
    Or berate yourself either
    Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s

  30. I’m 27 and in the same boat. Guys of any age sometimes never mature and can be disrespectful. The right man will come along for you. You are worthy! 💕

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