Why are men so quick to spend money on women they just met?

34 comments

1. Because the woman allows it and sends signals that she enjoys it. When dating I always go Dutch and it serves a purpose.

   1. I can’t be bought
   2. I consider them my equal not my cash cow
   3. It demands that they will have to be decent if they want to get laid lol

2. i’ve had a guy i had only known for one week insist on buying multiple games off my steam wishlist or premium currency for another game i play. i asked him why. i let him know i was not romantically interested and that i wasn’t willing to buy him gifts in return. he said it didn’t matter because he just enjoyed my company. if i’m not being cynical, i really do think he was just nice, well-off and wanted to buy things for people he wanted to spend time with. but if i am being skeptical, i think this guy in particular definitely thought he would be getting something in return besides my gratitude. it was like he was checking off tasks, like if he gifted me enough things i’d suddenly dump my partner and be with him instead.

   it makes me uncomfortable too and if the gifting gets too insistent, i will block. receiving gifts should be a pleasant experience, and it shouldn’t come with expectations attached.

3. ’cause she loves me, and once the bank gets the 10,000 I sent they’ll release her families millions and give me a percentage

4. You’ll probably find the men that don’t are single and blaming the world for their problems when in reality, they’re the problem.

   Such as I do

5. They do it in the hope it increases their chances. Every so often a question about paying for things pops up on Reddit and there’s also a significant number of women who think men should pay (even if they frame it as “the person who asked should pay”). Even if it’s not a majority it’s a substantial number and disregarding these women lowers a man’s chance of success. Plenty of men in these threads agree that they shouldn’t have to do it but feel they have to because enough women expect it.

   In short you can split women into 3 groups, the ones who find it a turn off, the ones who don’t mind either way and the ones who expect it. The latter two groups make are bigger than the first so that’s the group men target their actions at.

6. I would spend money on what the hell I wanted to when I was younger.

7. I have several buddies in the NYC area. Chatted on this topic the other day. Their reality is that it’s the norm… Lots of women who are very “traditional” (European descent) and expect a man to pay. That’s a gentlemanly move and supposedly the price of admission there.

8. I feel like there’s a lot of societal bullshit at play here too.
   Movies have always had men pay for things.
   Many women expect it.
   Many men expect other men to do so also?
   Or call them lesser for it.

   Also easier to throw money at someone than do something genuinely meaningful, especially so early on in a relationship.

9. Because it is expected of us. You have no idea how many women won’t even give us a chance if we’re not willing to pay for the date. It’s stupid, but hey – gender norms & expectations always are.

   Sometimes it’s a mental game too. One time a woman insisted we split, and I happily agreed. Only to get texted a day later to hear I failed her test and was supposed to insist on paying for everything anyways – despite her insisting multiple times to go Dutch. Haven’t tried to split until after a second or third date ever since.

10. Money and things are always a good way to hold a persons attention. I don’t condone men spending money like that right away on someone they just met, but a lot of guys don’t have the confidence or game to win a woman over with their charisma alone.

11. This my impression as a 20 yro guy who’s view on love has been vastly ruined by both ruined by men and women.
    I firmly believe we are willing to spend money on women we just met because that is what most women look for in a man. Yeah most of the time we get fucked over because we just paid a dinner to some chick who will likely ghost us the next day, but what the hell we tried.
    This generation of women is far harder to swoon and charm if you are broke, looks are starting to matter less which is saying something, but it’s hard to know what the hell are we supposed to do nowadays if you want to find a partner.
    Oh ho ho but men aren’t saints either, some men thing paying for shit is gonna get them laid as if that was the most important thing in the world, so they go out of their way to show off they got a lot of money just to try to pick up a random girl.

    Honestly nowadays the concept of love and conquering one’s has evolved in positive and negative ways that it’s hard to tell we have changed at all from our old ways and just changed perspectives.

    Btw just putting this out here, I’m not looking for arguments, but if you’d like to have a civilized conversation on the topic I’d be more than open to it
    Have a good day everyone and happy new year

12. I’m a guy, and when I like somebody, I enjoy spending money on them. I’ve been talking to a girl about a week, and I’m already wondering what to buy her for her birthday. Usually there is no expectation of return, beyond seeing the girl be happen. I’ll confess, sometimes there is, especially after a while, but not always sex, and I consider those moments some of my worse times. On the other hand, this is what keeps me off OnlyFans. Why spend money on a girl I know doesn’t care?

    I suspect it’s instinctual for guys, at least on some level. Every man knows to show he’s a good match and can take care of his girl and future family. How that manifests will be different for each guy, and not necessarily the conscious reason.

13. I’m not sure if this a brag or a boast about this.

    I guess my question is how often do you reach for your wallet and cover things to?

    As a man, we tend to use money as a tool to reach a desired goal.

    But I will say, you’re more than welcome to say no to all of those free things and cover them yourself. Which would eliminate that mad uncomfortable feelings

14. Those men have nothing going on with them and think that spending money will earn them something. If you spend a lot of money on a woman you just met, you’re gonna have to spend a lot of money for her to be with you. Also, i’ve seen comments saying that’s what women in this generation want. So what?you just have to hand it to them? There are a lot of othe women out there who want different thing, like connection, a laughter, cute dates and so on. Stop spending huge money on first dates, that’s how you enable gold-diggers.

15. Because men don’t get the same attention everyday that women do. Any attractive woman will have men basically throwing themselves at you but a man of the same caliber might get some women to approach it is still no where near the same. Because of this a lot of men believe if they spend a lot of money on a woman she is less likely to leave them feeling lonely. Sure some of it has to do with being a gentleman and also our basic instincts of being providers but deep down we all want someone to stick around.

16. Men are basically taught that the main value they have is their money. So it’s a way to show off

17. Sleep with them and see how long they keep buying you things. They’ll do it until they get what they’re after.

18. Because we have to prove we can provide. If a man doesn’t pay for the first date, he most likely won’t get a second date.

    Gifting early on while dating is a sign of love bombing and is a HUGE red flag. Gifts should be reserved once you’re in a relationship.

19. Cause I like buying people things? I make more money that I can use on myself, and there’s not a lot of things I can gift my parents anymore. So yeah if I’m dating someone and we are walking by a store and she sees a bag she likes why not buy it???

20. For me and my current gf it wasn’t on purpose or with the intent of getting anything in return it was quite literally because she excited me so much I wanted to give her everything I could in the moment that could possibly make her happy. I spent over 600 dollars over our first 3 dates which was a total idiot move but I love her and would rather burn the money than not have given her the dates we had. I may have unintentionally given the impression at first that spending so much was the norm for me but it really isn’t so we had to talk about it a bit because of that, but I wanted to be upfront about financial situations anyway lmao

21. Because it’s expected of us by everyone else. Just because you’re happy to pay for your stuff doesn’t mean 99% of women don’t expect us to pay for their every move, because that’s just the expectation.

    I’ve only met a handful of women who have offered to pay for a first date, and most of those were just not interested in me. I’ve had far more women ask me to take them to a Michelin star restaurant on a first date, or ask me to bring them a gift (purses, jewelry, etc.) for a FIRST DATE.

    So men spend money because they don’t know how else to express interest sometimes, because that’s how women taught them to express interest in their lives.

22. Easier to get more money than more dates.

23. People do it out of insecurity, they feel like they have nothing else to offer.

24. Because it’s expected of men.

    Literally taught to us since puberty that we are supposed to pay for dates.

25. That’s why I only go for coffee, or buy the first round. If she buys the next, then she’s a candidate

26. If you are talking about dates, it is expected of us. There are not-so-wholesome subs and some social movements that actively correlate the expense of a date with the guy’s viability of being a romantic partner. There are also some women that get aggressive when confronted with having to pay for themselves.

    If you are talking about stuff in general; it can be a form of virtue signaling (look at all the expendable money I have) or they don’t feel confident in themselves so they buy stuff. They may also be acting out of past experience as some materialistic women hint-suggest-imply that they want something; and, if you don’t immediately buy them that something, they end the relationship. It could also be them thinking with the wrong head.

27. We have to prove our worth. Dating is extremely competitive

28. Lol this comment thread is about to be filled with women mocking men for this saying they find it weird men spend money on them while also insisting men pay for dates and gifts for them to fit in with the “traditional female” view.

29. Its called gender norms and some are to the detriment of men, such as being expected to pay while not expecting anything in return. It is heavily ingrained in our culture, for better or worse. Enjoy the free meals.

30. Males in nature *build houses, bring food, do dances, bring pretty stones*

    Humans: I wonder where did the need of guys to whoo a woman with material possessions came from.

    We are animals

31. >I guess the obvious answer is because they expect something in return (usually sex) but ive noticed they sometimes continue doing it even if i tell them im not interested.

    This is an unfair assumption, and for a lot of us it’s that we were raised to think we had to, and have heard comments by women we know all our lives that any guy who doesn’t pay for their first dates is “out” as they have most of the selectivity in choice on their sides.

    >I would never spend money on a person i barely know, even if i am romantically interested in them.

    And you weren’t raised to think you had to. There’s not nearly the pull of the “I can spend money to show I can fill the provider role” ingrained.

    I try to go for splits on first dates, but in the back of my mind I still hear that voice of what if they dismiss me because of this, trying to care less about that.

32. That’s what society expect of men.

33. Lonely, horny, lonely, wanna win you over as soon as possible, horny, horny, and lonely.

34. You can refuse, you know.