What would you do?

33 comments

1. Why did you hesitate?

2. Getting older the dating market isn’t as fresh. If she’s not willing to have another baby with you then move on. That’s what I would do. And I’m trying to find a childless attractive woman myself it’s getting harder. All the good looking women got taken used and kicked to the curve by guys when they were younger.

3. Find a single childless woman, I mean that’s just me

4. You didn’t mention how you feel about her. Or really anything about her personality or the things you like about her other than that she’s good-looking (described in two ways) and loves you.

   Honestly you sound pretty shallow bro, do her a favour and let her go. Sounds like you’d treat her child poorly and if you did end up having kids together you’d treat your step-child poorly compared to your kids which is really shitty.

   Maybe you should try to look for attributes beyond just attractiveness and aim to find someone you genuinely care about if you want an actual life partner. Just a thought.

5. Did she not tell you that she had a child before all this?

6. Hi. Im sure I’m going to tell you what you already know. She will get custody. You going to come last in the relationship. That dad will still be in the picture. Your social life is gone. she taking care of kid and doesn’t want to date someone who isn’t on same page. You’ll spend more in food and a lot of other stuff. Difficult to have sex when kid is barging in.
   The list goes on and on

   I’d be very careful with single mothers. your looking for someone who can give you what you give her. That’ll never happen, her attention will be split and you’ll get less, if she’s a good mom. Dating is hard since you need baby sitter. She’s going to be head of household. You likely won’t be the discipliner.

   Try and buy objective and see if things are moving too quickly. Have you met the kid? Most mom’s, good ones that is, will really have to be sure I. Judging whether you’ll be a good fit. Last thing they want to do is introduce amother guy who may end up leaving again.

   Forgot to add, if you proceed and end up having a great relationship nwith the kid and then down the road split with mom, she takes kid and you never see the kid again. Everything you taught and instilled with her is likely to be retaught by the next dude.

   Try and figure out what failed in her previous marriage. When she explains it, does she blame everything on him and take no responsibility? If so, run.

   One last thing? Are you presenting yourself as being financially stable? Is she? If theres a big difference, stop and think about that.

7. Honestly, I know this sounds bad. But I’ve found that If there are deal breakers/red flags in a relationship to start with, they almost always become an issue later on.

   Just my experience

8. How long have y’all been dating? How long has she been separated? Very important details.

9. Why are you asking for permission to do what you want too?

   You know you don’t want this. you know there’s a bunch of red flags. You’re wondering if you can do better, so what’s the problem.

10. Not divorced —> Extreme Red flag to the highest, would have not approached in any way shape or form.

    Children —> I love kids, but I’m not in the right stage for that and have zero desires to raise another man’s kid.

    Deeply in love? —> need context, how long have you guys been talking? What have you guys been doing for each other? How have you shown up in her life and how has she for you? There’s a chance she needs financial and emotional help and “loves” you for it. Not saying that’s the case at all, but the motivation is there and it needs to be addressed. I do not want a partner who would run at the slightest hint that problems exist.

    Can’t tell you what to do. Only what I would be cautious about. Looks are not everything if you’re in hell.

11. This woman was vulnerable with you, OP, and she cares about you. Yet, you’re concerned with pretty superficial stuff. Let her go before you hurt her and her kid. Then, go get some counseling on what meaningful relationships look like.

12. By your own admission in the comments, her having a child ‘frustrates’ you. That kid isn’t going anywhere, if you have a problem with it you obviously need to move on. However, the older you get the higher the likelihood that a partner is going to have a previous marriage or kids, so finding a single, childless woman to have kids with is going to get harder and harder.

13. If her having a kid “frustrates you”, part ways. If you could open up with a post about the relationship without naming one thing you like about her, part ways. Stop wasting her time.

14. she doesn’t love you, she loves the idea of you. I wouldn’t do it i’d find someone childless and drama free. Keep your peace

15. she doesn’t love you, she loves the idea of you. I wouldn’t do it i’d find someone childless and drama free. Keep your peace

16. The fact that you are quesitoning or unsure says a lot of about your lack of commitment for this woman. She has a kid, and being a single mother is no easy task. Don’t waste her time.

    To your concern, I understand your hesitancy to raise another man’s child. Our primal brains are simply not wired that way, quite the opposite, we would make sure someone else’s kid didn’t get a chance. Now that’s obviously back in the day and now a days it is acceptable but recognize why you feel that way or why many men don’t commit to single mothers.

    It is natural for you to want to have kids of your own. It is not impossible to have a beautiful family where you raise step-children and also your own but understand the complications down the line. And make an effort to build a solid family foundation where you are close-knit and abundant love.

    In this case, no one can really give you an answer or proper perspective. Only you know how you feel and truly desire. You know her and her child. This is something you will need to take time to introspect and be extremely honest with yourself with.

    Hope this helps.

    ​

    Modern Man Advice

17. If you are botheted by the fact that she have a child, then don’t go for her. The child is definitely a part of a deal, so it shouldn’t be that hard to decide.

    So, *gf + her child*, yes or no?🤷🏻‍♀️

18. why do you only describe her as “good looking and attractive”? why would you prefer to find a “childless woman”? if you want to be her but aren’t going to value her child and treat it as well as you would treat your own, leave her alone. if all you care about is her looks, leave her alone. sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself because this post comes across pretty shallow and selfish.

19. I’d just stay single if I was you. You can’t even list anything you like about her apart from her looks.

20. Welp, it wouldn’t be dating you OP.

21. How long you have been dating? Sounds like you are a rebound. You can date but take your time. You can have a kid even at 50.

22. You posting this means u have doubts already so in your case i would say let her go when in doubt to find someone who loves her with a [child.As](https://child.As) for myself i wouldnt mind cause with 35 you are not the youngest anymore so if you really love her and i mean really love,not because she is beautifull then i would say be happy with her and try for your own kid.

23. OP’s post isn’t the best, but the comments have gone too far. Awfully hard to get a full picture of OP based on a few sentences.

24. Sounds like a bad relationship waiting to happen – she should be completely split from her husband for 1.5-2 years before you want to get in a relationship with her, otherwise it won’t end well

25. Are you happy with her?

26. Question is how do you feel about her? Does she want to have me children? Are you in love with her?

27. You are going to get the child attached to you living with her. Then you want to break up later to have kids with someone else it seems. Please leave her alone as you are being selfish. The 3 year old will be a victim of the situation as will the woman. It seems you may be using her for sex as the main reason you like her is her appearance. You do not mention you are deeply in love with her either. You should be if you are thinking of living with her and she loves you. Otherwise, you are taking advantage.

28. I mean you can still potentially have a child of your own with her. But you also need to accept that her child is part of the package deal.

    You also should take into consideration that you will most likely have dealings with the ex as well (if he wants to see his kid), which can be extremely awkward or potentially dramatic at times.

    But yeah nowadays there’s a pretty high percentage of people (either male or female) that already have at least one child of their own, even in their 20’s.

29. Absolutely not, the fact that youre questioning it now just means itll be a bigger problem later on. On top of that, they’re not even divorced and shes talking about being in love w u… Suspicious.

30. Try it out. If it isn’t for you it isn’t for you. Just know that the baby daddy will always be in the picture though. There may be extra baggage and drama that you will have to deal with. I personally try not to date chicks with kids. Sounds harsh but I I wanted kids I would’ve had my own.

31. If you’re going out with someone who is divorced, what makes you think that it won’t happen to you?

32. Bro, wait til she’s divorced. I waited 5 years for an ex to divorce his wife and ever did, ended up fucking her and wanting her back right after I left him.

33. You sound like my step-father who ended up having extreme, borderline abusive, anger issues with my brother and me. It was super obvious how much he adored his biological daughter compared to us.

    Please do the kid (and their mother) a favor and leave. They deserve better.

    Although my step-father has more than made up for the past, early childhood scars can (and often do) last a lifetime.