idk if the formatting will be weird because i am on mobile but oh well.
i am a student at my country’s version of college. its also an art school. so basically, during the first semester of the first year, they do this thing where different people from different courses/majors must be in classes together to learn basic foundation stuff. at first i managed to make what i thought was a good group of friends. then suddenly towards the end of the semester they just started ignoring me? we weren’t super close to begin with but it did sting a bit when they all hung out together and posted it on social media while basically ignoring me and kinda avoiding me. but whatever we were different courses so maybe they didn’t want to be friends with someone who would be on a different campus than them and not have similar schedules and accepted the fact since i would have a second chance soon.
fast foward nearly five-six months later. i am in the course’s second semester with classmates that will be together for basically three years. i met a few people in the class and around the school eventually who i thought we were close and trusting. later i find out that some classmates who i thought i was on good terms with were actually talking behind my back negatively and actually don’t like me at all. according to the person who told me this, they didn’t like me because i was loud (???) and they spread some rumors that i had a crush on this one guy in my class (i did not, i was infact crushing on someone else entirely and even told them this a while back and now i am seeing someone who does not even go to my school)
i do think that there is more to why they hate me because these two things seem very childish and trivial to me. now i dont expect everyone to love me and i am actually quite used to forming friendships that ultimately fall apart because everyone in the group decided that they suddenly hate me and kick me out. however this time it hurt alot because it came from people who i actually quite liked and thought were on good terms with. it also hurt a lot more because one of them was actually someone who i told my struggles to and now they’re basically doing what i told them happened to me before.
i thought that i have been nothing but nice to these people and never said anything to offend them but apparently i somehow did. the girl who told me this (she is nice and i trust her) begged me not to confront them and to just ignore them. i want to just ignore it but because we will be classmates for a long time, i feel like it would be better to at least try and fix things.
this has always happened to me and i think this third time has been sort of a breaking point as i couldn’t help it but cry and cry and cry. now my trust issues are coming back and i don’t know who i can trust anymore. it even got to the point where i wondered if i should just drop out and cut out everyone i know and just become a recluse. (i wont do this obviously but i wanted to for a moment)
anyways that pretty much sums it up. i’m so sorry for this long rant and i don’t even know if this is the right place for this but i don’t know what else to do. please help me reddit to improve my social and friendship skills for that i can maintain good relationships and not have them fall apart anymore!!!
TLDR: everytime i make friends they always group up and leave me even though i was always nice to them. i obviously need help.
1 comment
Well if this is something that happens consistently, then it’s likely that there’s something in your manner or self-presentation that is putting people off. (Loud? Is that a clue? Do you interrupt? Is there give and take in your conversations or do you tend to dominate with your opinions? etc. Maybe this one girl you trust could give more feedback.)
Beyond that, “befriending a group” is not the same as making individual friends. Friendships are made one-on-one, so you need to ask people to do things with you that will allow you to get to know them better. Examples: grab a bite to eat or something to drink after class, go for a walk or run, study together, check out a new part of campus, do an errand together, shop for something, watch TV at your place, etc.
That’s where I’d start. Good luck!