I feel like I’m too unremarkable to be loved? It’s hard to explain. Friends have always come easy to me. I have several 10+ year friendships and I’ve been able to make friends pretty much wherever I go. I have loving and stable relationships with my nuclear and outside family….romantically things have never clicked for me and whenever I try to think of why I’m stumped.
I’ve been told I’m somewhat attractive. Evidence: I get lots of matches on dating apps, I get hit on whenever I go out with friends, I’ve hooked up with some pretty attractive guys in the past…and not for nothing I posted in r/amiugly and people generally rated me above average.
I’m smart, have a good job, fairly tidy, I pay my own rent/bills, I’m fairly active, and I have several hobbies (hiking, crocheting, video games, cooking, etc).
A part of me thought that because I’m Black maybe that’s why no one will commit to me. But I’ve seen pleanty of my friends in happy relationships so I guess it’s just a me thing
I feel like my standards aren’t unreasonable….I want someone that I can have fun/try new things with, that’s in school or has a full time job, and I’m physically attracted to.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just not….remarkable enough to date? I’m attractive, but there’s definately more attractive people. I’m interesting, but there’s more interesting people out there. I’m fuckable, but there’s always someone who’s better at sex. And so guys will get to know me for a few months (never more than 3), but they’ll never commit to me. They either leave me for someone else, miss their ex, or just want me around but won’t ask me to be their girlfriend.
Not really sure what to do. I’m pretty young, and I enjoy dating, but I ultimately would like to end up with someone. It’s demoralizing having the same thing happen to you EVERY time you try….especially when ALL of my other friends seem to have at least been in one relationship—most are currently in one right now. How do you deal with the numbness after so many failed attempts?
2 comments
No one is unremarkable. Someone one day will appreciate all the little things about you and they will seem interesting and cute to that person. It’s tough out there but don’t lose hope you still have lots and lots of time to make some genuine connections. You got this just keep being yourself and putting yourself out there
Would you be ok with yourself if you never find love? If you can accept yourself even if you are single forever, failing at dating will cease to affect you. The numbness you feel will be gone. Then you can start dating just for the fun of it rather than to become someone’s girlfriend. This is easier said than done, it’s a hard mindset to internalise. But when you do, you stop living life with deep seated fears controlling you. When you accept yourself unconditionally, you start to drink life directly from the tap.
Reading your post it seemed to me you are carrying a lot of doubt and fear. You have to process those emotions or they will continue to weigh you down. Enjoy your life, alone or not.