So my husband works for a large financial firm where he’s been working remotely since early 2020. He works in a team of 8 people male/female. The company promotes getting to know your coworkers. Every week they do a zoom call and the manager asks each person on the team to share what they plan to do on the weekend, what they shows are good, how are your pets, etc.
So my husband takes it a step further. He likes to IM people and ask more personal questions about these topics.
Lately, I’ve noticed the IMs are especially between him and another female named Beth. She just joined the company a year ago. He talked to me about her here and there (how many pets she has, where she lives, what her husband does, etc). This is pretty normal for him as he does the same with others.
However, this is my question. My husband and I sat down to watch tv one night. We were out of shows, so he said “hey, let’s try that show sex life, I heard it was good.” I was like- “and who told u this???” His work friend Beth had sent him an IM to try this show and told him it was a bit x-rated.
Im no prude, but I think my husband needs to be careful on the work IM chatting with a female employee about x-rated and personal topics. Also the fact that she would send him that suggestion leads me to believe her boundaries are fuzzy. Now, he will be back in the office soon and sitting right beside her in person. What do u think?
Appropriate or not?
27 comments
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Meh. Maybe a touch inappropriate for a work colleague… but TBH nothing you’ve said here makes me concerned.
It was just a movie recommendation. Nothing really personal, no explicit details about the movie… just: “Hey, I watched this movie, it was good… just FYI it’s a bit x-rated.” IDK, doesn’t seem like an issue unless there are other things you noticed.
Sex life is a good show and something me and the co workers have talked about at coffee. Its just the name making it seem worse.
I’m a woman and I can understand the feeling inside of you. I hope it’s not that big of a deal, like others said, but I understand the little rise and wonder in today’s world.
I’m a woman and I can understand the feeling inside of you. I hope it’s not that big of a deal, like others said, but I understand the little rise and wonder in today’s world.
I’m a woman and I can understand the feeling inside of you. I hope it’s not that big of a deal, like others said, but I understand the little rise and wonder in today’s world.
Sis, I cannot stress this enough- TRUST YOUR GUT. I have a 25 year old daughter and I raised her to trust herself. Same for you, if something “feels” ick? It’s ick. You’re not dumb, you are smart and wise and you know how people should act. Trust your gut
I think it’s a tad bit inappropriate but I wouldn’t worry about infidelity, rather I would worry about it being an HR situation down the line. A friendly interaction used as a weapon against your husband in the future. Coworkers are your team mates but you also your competitors.
I don’t see anything too off about this. Since a lot of these exclusive streaming series have a lot of nudity/sex, it’s pretty fair to give someone a heads up. IMing co-workers of any gender about personal topics like TV shows is certainly not out of bounds. This kind of communication can be monitored by the company, so if it’s getting REALLY inappropriate, then he’s not only in the wrong, but also extremely stupid.
I think it would have to be a larger pattern. Does he “hide” his IMs with her if you’re nearby? If they socialize outside of work, does it ever include you? Are they texting or chatting at off-hours?
Eh, I don’t know if it raises any red flags to me. I don’t know anything about that show and what context that was brought up.
But I would be wary about discussing too many personal things via any corporate IM system. I work in corporate IT, and especially for financial, healthcare or say defense jobs in particular, all that stuff is usually archived somewhere. It’s really best to just not do that at all.
Meh. It’s a good show.
Take in the context of seeing possible yellow flags, not red. You obviously care about the situation and are bugged by it enough to post to reddit so I’ll give a certain benefit to your intuition that the inspiration for you posting is more than what you’ve typed here…
So I am going to side with your gut on this one…on two points. First, that there seems to be focused conversation with one individual, she’s been there a year but by most definitions she is no longer new, just the newest. Your husband should try to apply the same level of outside of work communicaiton with all work mates…if indeed he is communicating an exceptional amount with Beth.
Second, a common escalation tactic pushed by some male dating experts when it comes to getting with women, is to escalate discussions into the topic of sex; the roles are reversed but the point still stands. Bringing up a sex show, while benign on the surface is an escalation towards the topic of sex. It could be benign (the show seems to be popular), her behavior could have zero inappropriate intention…but it may not be. Or his may not be. I would just pay attention…not snoop but just pay attention.
his bosses, etc and IT can read everything. Do you think he’d want to try to explain what he was writing.
That’s a bigger issue.
It’s no worse than Game of Thrones.
I wouldn’t worry about it.
OP, is this the same coworker that your husband wanted to spend time alone with on a “mini-vacation”? The one you asked about on a recent post?
If it is, then you need to include that information in this post. This is not just some random coworker. Your husband wanted to spend days with her, alone in a hotel, so they can go “sightseeing”. Your husband also went to events with her, and spent hours with her when he didn’t have to.
If it’s the same person, that changes everything.
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It sounds a bit inappropriate, but it really depends on the workplace/team dynamics.
If you are concerned, read the book “Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass. The book is based on years of research. It explains what is appropriate behavior between a person in a relationship and an opposite-sex friend, coworker, gym buddy, etc.
You can also ask your husband to read it so you are both on the same page about boundaries.
Edit: past post info
Nothing wrong here. She merely suggested a show for him to watch but warned him it’s a bit steamy. Just general co-worker chit chat. I talk about shows with all of my colleagues and we recommend shows and films for each other to watch. If he was talking to her outside of work and private messaging her inappropriately then that would be a different story.
If it was bad he probably would not have mentioned it. If you need assurances, then ask him in a kind way, there is nothing wrong with sharing how you feel.
Wow. It’s a tv show if my wife reacted like this I’d have point out how petty this reaction is.
not inappropriate at all….
X-rated show on TV?
What do I think? I think you are jealous of someone you’ve never met.
Well there you go. Married men and women can’t be just pals/friends. Always causes strife. Always!
I think the fact he told you what she said sounds like there’s nothing sinister going on or the conversation between them was brief , if anything inappropriate was discussed between them I don’t think he’d even mention it to you
That would bother me for sure
I don’t see anything majorly concerning. Yeah it’s unprofessional to risk talking about anything x rated even if it’s just about a tv show over work IMs. But there is nothing overwhelmingly concerning here if it’s only gone as far as a tv show.
I think it’s fine. Pretty normal conversation. Maybe keep an eye on it but i wouldn’t make a big deal out of the current situation.
Oh honey, your prior post was your husband wanting to extend his work trip to spend time with a co-worker. Is this the same one? It seems like your husband has boundary issues if so.