My husband (21M) and I (22F) were talking tonight about things we’d like to do more of in 2023.
He mentioned how since we’re both homebodies we often spend weekends at home and we should “do more things so we don’t spend our 20s doing nothing.” In that same vein, I used that opportunity to bring up that it would be nice for us to go on more dates- and not just talk about it. I said I was a bit disappointed that we didn’t get to go out and make date night happen in the holiday season like I had mentioned wanting in advance.
He then goes, “What do you mean? We went on like 2 or 3 dates.” When I looked confused, he brought up two examples with other people and says those count as dates to him.
Once was when his childhood best friend came to stay with us for a few days and the three of us we went out to eat.
The second time he referred to, I felt I made it clear originally that I wanted to do an at home date. I planned a fondue night with wine and dessert and we were gonna pick out a Christmas movie to watch together. Pretty clearly romantic, if you ask me. Last minute he asks if we can invite his sister and I know I should have just asked if it just be us at that point but I didn’t😭It ended up being fun, but not the night I planned.
It makes me feel boring. Like he needs other people with us for him to have a good time with me.
We’re pretty good about open communication in our relationship, but I had no idea he considers that enough for him to feel connected. Part of me feels silly that it’s not enough for me all the time.
It’s clear a conversation is in order where I communicate that I don’t feel things like that are a date to me. I guess I’m just wondering if this is a guy thing or a married people thing to think that hanging out in general or with other people constitutes as a date.
TL;DR: My husband thinks hanging out with friends together or casual dinners with his family counts toward “us time” and date nights.
3 comments
Just tell him you want time only with him, you two on a date with no friends or relatives with you.
I should recommend you to read about positive way communication with people, like example above, instead of arguing who wrong/right try to be more positive and just ask what you want
Sounds like you just need to communicate a bit better what you define a date as and that is what you’d like to do more of this year.
Not sure if this is relevant but, as a bit of a “homebody” aka introvert, sometimes I’ll try and get in all the social obligations I constantly feel the pressure of done in one go. I’ll have prepared in my head the energy needed for a particular outing, and sometimes try and choreograph inviting another friend to join while I’ve got it in me to be social.
Just spit balling. Have a chat with him, I’m sure you’ll work it out.