I’ve been dating this guy for 2 1/2 months so it’s pretty new and we’re both pretty young. About 6 months ago, his ex gf cheated on him and he talked about his this hurt him so much and he cried about it once. You’ll see why I added this seemingly random fact.
We were talking about college and I brought up something he told me before, asking if he’s still planning on doing 2 years at the college we both attend together and doing 2 years back in his hometown, where his ex still lives and i don’t want to assume but it’s probably also the college she attends. Mind you, he still has a prom photo on Instagram with her, and she’s in his family trip highlights too. And he follows her on TikTok, not other platforms though. Anyways, he asked if I would ever do long distance, and then added “you know, if we’re even still together that long.”
Like I get that we’re newly dating, but before we dated, we made it clear that we are exclusively in this, and probably tmi but I lost my virginity to him and he knows how important that was for me, so why is he acting as if he’s just going to break up with me like trash and that he doesn’t see me as a longtime girlfriend or potential fiancée/wife? Or is he just saying that because of his past trauma and doesn’t want to put out false hope? Or something else?
tl;dr: my boyfriend of 2 1/2 months implied that we won’t be dating for too long. am I overthinking or is this the truth?
3 comments
I don’t particularly think this means a whole lot. I think he said it, and then maybe thought it perhaps came across as a bit presumptuous (perhaps he didn’t want to seem overly keen), so added the caveat. It was a bit clumsy, but I think it probably doesn’t speak to anything about your relationship.
When you’re 18-19, life changes almost every three months if not faster. You discover new hobbies and interests. You meet new people who take you to new places. The job you thought you wanted to do since high school suddenly has no appeal whatsoever, or has revealed itself to otherwise be something that doesn’t work for you. Something you thought you were really good at in high school you realise you’re only average at in life. People you got on really well with suddenly go in directions you don’t like.
So yeah. Your boyfriend is looking at you, his girlfriend of 2.5 months, and is taking everything one day at a time.
You can always say to him, “I really enjoy being with you and really want to stay with you for the foreseeable future.” But you’re also just still getting to know eachother and getting to know yourselves as adults. So take everything one day at a time, or (more realistically) one month at a time.
honestly he might just feel weird implying a future. especially when you’re 18-19 (i’m close to your age, for the record) it can be really hard to understand what you want going forward in life. i know i used to tip toe around the idea of my boyfriend and i having a future together, because i didn’t want to seem too certain when we hadn’t been together for that long. you eventually get more comfortable with things like that.
i doubt it means much. if you are really worried about it, i’d have a conversation with him. explain your feelings and that it makes you anxious.