I was talking with a few friends who had a lot of success in the dating scene.
One thing they said was “you should hide your issues from a date to not scare someone at the start“.
*He was like “dating is a game, it’s like finding a job , get your foot in the game first “*
How true do y’all think what she said was?
6 comments
Hiding your issues isn’t the same thing as putting your best foot forward. Put your best foot forward. You don’t need to share all the shitty things about yourself early on. If the subject comes up though, you don’t hide it. You don’t sugarcoat it, but you don’t divulge every detail either. Someone mentions depression, “Oh yeah, I think we all go through that. I know I have” and keep it moving.
That said, if you’re mental health is a major problem, it’s probably better to disclose more information earlier instead of them just finding out on their own. Being surprised by a significant mental health issue as it’s unfolding is a confusing and frightening thing.
I deal with a lot of anxiety, and depression sometimes, but I don’t lay it all out on the table in the first few dates unless it naturally comes up in conversation.
People have their walls up in the beginning. I’m a pretty honest and open person, but also realize it’s a very vulnerable thing to share your mental health with someone and can be overwhelming to someone else who doesn’t know you, so your friend is right in a way.
It’s like going on a trip and you don’t know anything about it except all the baggage you’re gonna have to carry for the trip. It’s easy to be like I’m out that’s too much to take. But if you see the adventure, journey, and where you’re going first, then you understand why you’ll be taking all those things with you.
People hear mental health words and hear scary things. But getting to know me first then learning I deal with anxiety and depression let’s them see the whole picture. My mental health has shaped me to be a stronger person and learned so much about myself because of it, and I am who you see today because of it.
Dating can mean a number of different things, and casual dating is a vastly different ball game to dating for marriage. If you just want to meet people, have fun, and part ways that’s one thing, then I’d say keep it hidden until necessary. If you’re particularly interested in someone, though, and are concerned about how your mental health might affect things, a brief mention of what you’re dealing with and what behavior to expect isn’t terrible.
Hearing “I deal with depression sometimes, so I might not be great at responding to texts every now and again,” to meet at least, seems conscientious and at least considerate of my time and experience.
Absolutely not. I’d feel lied to and think the person thought they couldn’t trust me. And I’d walk away because of that. Bring it up within the first few dates. Mental health is a key component of what makes someone who they are. I’ll be much more understanding of a lot if I know where the behaviour is stemming from
I’ve never been in a relationship but I’ve lost a lot of friendships because of my mental health issues so to this I would say, just be honest about it and don’t hide anything,they’ll understand how you’re feeling or why you’re doing certain things if you tell them the truth from the start
You don’t want to meet for a cup of coffee and declare that you have a major depressive disorder.