I’m a 38 year old man, completely inexperienced in terms of dating and relationship. Is is a red flag for women? I have been turned down a few times due to this, as they didn’t want someone who had to be taught ins-and-outs of a relationship at this age.

29 comments

  2. Yes, for a couple of reasons:

    1. You learn a lot about yourself being in relationships. You learn what’s important to you in a relationship, about compromise and communication, etc.

    2. It means that you probably either a) haven’t prioritized finding/being in a relationship or b) haven’t been successful at finding a relationship in spite of trying. If you haven’t prioritized a relationship until now, that could be a red flag to some people. If you haven’t been successful at finding a relationship in spite of trying, that could (but doesn’t necessarily) indicate red flags.

    If you haven’t already, you should spend some time thinking about what you want out of a relationship and why you haven’t had any experience in dating/relationships so far. I’d also think about the non-romantic relationships that you have, and things you have learned from them such as empathy and communication. If you are able to be a good friend, a good coworker, a good volunteer, a good family member etc, then chances are you have the skills to be a good partner.

  5. Yes and anyone who tells you “No not at all, everyone goes through the milestones of life at their own pace :)” is lying to you.

  8. I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag like bad thing but it is viewed as unusual. Best thing would be to figure yourself out and learn from everything.

  9. To me, yes because I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I want and don’t want in a partner through dating. I’ve dated two people who didn’t have experience and I felt like they would’ve dated anyone with a pulse and that they didn’t like me for “me” if you get what I’m saying. Now, I’ve learned to not date people with no/little experience.

  11. Yes, it’s a red flag. Women like men with experience. What have you been doing for 38 years that you’re just realizing you want to settle down?

  12. Just use common sense. No one has to be taught the ins and outs of a relationship.

  13. Massive red flag. Preselection bias is absolutely real and I suggest you come up with some white lies as to your relationship history. The fact that nobody else has chosen you is 100% evidence of your unsuitability to the vast majority of women.

  15. Yes, you are correct. In addition, it shows you aren’t desirable to other women as weird as that sounds. Women want to feel like they snagged a very sought after guy.

  17. I think your either compatible or not. I also think previous relationships bring baggage into new ones. Not having dated before holds no concern for me. It’s gonna come down to how well you communicate and comprehend as a human.

  18. Most definitely is, but you can get your experience with promiscuous women, there in abundance these days, they’ll be HAPPY to teach a thing or 3, keep doing that for a few months, year max, and then you’ll be better equipped to offer that experience to your potential wife, good Luck Chief

  24. Go on message boards, YouTube videos, Reddit, etc. and get experiences from other people. Use those as puzzle pieces to get a bigger picture of what the dating and relationship world is like. Also, so the same when it comes to sex advice.

    If you are afraid of approaching a girl, you must practice talking to them to build your confidence. Any other gaps in knowledge you have must be compensated through trial and error. Another thing to remember is that the dating game is much different when you are old as compared to when you are in your mid 20’s. Hormones do the talking, women are more easily impressed when you approach them, etc.

    Also, you are going to be a step dad. The chances of you finding a girl that has no kids in her 30’s is almost nonexistent. She will also wonder why you have no kids at that age as well. So if you decide to bend the truth, it may be difficult.

    The good news is that having no relationships at your age isn’t a going to be a dealbreaker for all women. No experience doesn’t necessarily translate to being a better partner.

  25. I wouldnt even make it a problem if i were you. Past is behind you. It doesnt matter what other people think. What matter is what you do. You can either focus on the half full of the glass which will lead you to opportunities or you can focus on the half empty and feel sorry that you werent blessed with experience in relationship, which will program your subconscious mind to focus on negative possibilities. Think about it hard, coz In the end its only what you think, feel and do that really gonna matter. People are not Gods and they dont know for sure if its gonna workout for you or not. So how about creating your own luck for a change and start believing in your self, instead of looking for validation.

  26. This comment section is super interesting.

    Personally, no, I (25f) don’t think inexperience at 38 is a red flag. There are worse red flags to be concerned about than this. I strongly believe that everyone is on their own timeline and just because others have a lot of relationship/intimate experience by a certain age doesn’t mean that status quo applies to everyone—and that’s okay. Some people are shy and more introverted. Some people may have needed more time to work on themselves and didn’t gain their confidence until later in life which may have held them back. Maybe they weren’t in the right financial situation to be in a relationship. Maybe they were dealing with mental health issues. There are so many variables and circumstances which may influence a persons romantic experience but that doesn’t immediately mean red flag (at least for me). Experience is learned and if you are into the person, there’s chemistry, and you are a decent enough communicator then teaching your inexperienced partner isn’t as difficult as you may think.

    I’ve been with men with loads of experience who’ve been absolute shit both in the bed and out, so “experience” doesn’t actually indicate as much as some people think it does.

  27. I never understood why people feel the need to talk about their inexperience.

    If you were on a job interview you wouldn’t highlight the fact that you have no experience.

    Odds are if you are 38, women will *assume* you have dating/relationship experience.

    The best way to get experience is by *doing something* not talking about *never having done it*.

    If you want to learn how to swim eventually you have to get in the water!

    When it comes to dating and relationships most of us *fail our way* to success.

    Very few people hit a homerun their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time up at bat.

    If this were not the case, we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

    With each failed relationship, heartache, or betrayal we’re presented with an opportunity to craft or refine our mate selection screening process and *must haves list* for choosing our next mate.

    Just because someone joined the dating scene late in life doesn’t mean they get to skip over all the trial-and-error stuff the rest of us went through during our teenage and early 20s.

    Most people you meet don’t become dates, most dates don’t become relationships, and most relationships don’t lead to marriage. As one adage goes: “Many are called but few are chosen.”

    ***”The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”*** – W.M. Lewis

    ***”Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.”*** — Paulo Coelho

    ***”Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.”*** – Steve Maraboli

    ***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud

    Best wishes!

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