As the title says, should I have a conversation with him telling him how I’m feeling at this moment? We’ve been together for 3 years, and I’ve already talked to him a million times in the past about things that weren’t working for me.
I don’t want to give an ultimatum, but I don’t want to have to break up. I’m just hoping if I had that conversation with him it would knock some sense into him….
TL;DR — Is it worth having a conversation with bf of 3 years about how I’m on the verge of leaving? Or is it not worth it? Is an ultimatum ever a good idea? I’ve never used one before. I love him and I want this to work but I’ve done everything I can. It’s his turn to put in the effort.. idk what to do
7 comments
It’s always worth the conversation. Even if you do leave for a time, yet leave the door for communication open. Sometimes we don’t realize how serious a person is until we see actions.
Up to you, I don’t think you’re obligated to warn him because all those times you told him your issues with the relationship were in fact warnings he ignored. If you want to go above and beyond to ensure he’s prepared then go ahead but I think if you’re feeling pretty sick and tired there’s not much that’s going to change. Better to find someone who aligns with you more solidly in the first place.
Let’s say you tell him, and he totally turns things around, makes all the changes he’s failed to make so far. Would you want to stay with him? (This is a genuine question, btw. I think it’s useful to imagine how you would feel in that situation)
Dont think of it as an ultimatum. Think of it as a boundary. “In order to continue the relationship, i require x y z” its your life. You have the right to live how you want.
>Is it worth having a conversation with bf of 3 years about how I’m on the verge of leaving?
This gives another opportunity to keep the relationship alive
>Or is it not worth it?
Is the relationship worth saving to you?
>Is an ultimatum ever a good idea?
It can help create the change you seek if it falls in line with what the other person is seeking.
>It’s his turn to put in the effort..
While it’s right you feel he puts in the work, it’s also important for note that for a relationship to co tinder to be successful, you BOTH need to continue to want it. He will not be able to prop up the relationship if you don’t continue putting in effort.
All that will happen is he will agree to what you say to appease you and in a years time you will realise you have wasted another year. You should know how he is. You can’t make someone change who they are.
No…
Leave ASAP
If you ask this question on Reddit it will not make a difference