I’ll be turning 40 next week and I still lack social skills. Possible social anxiety. I get nervous around women who are my age or older. It wasn’t like this when I was in high school, but when I went to CC, I hung around an older crowd and I was slightly nervous. Then, in my early 20s, it would increase more and more as I got into the real world, like in the workplace for example. I am by no means a hermit. I do talk to some people and don’t shield myself when people want to talk. Plus, I don’t get as nervous when I talk to younger women or am around them. I still get the occasional anxiety when approaching them. One theory that I have is that because I was picked on, bullied and insulted by my classmates my age, it might’ve led to said issues. Could this be a possible cause? What are some good techniques or solutions for this issue?

6 comments

  1. Yeah this seems like it could cause it.
    Perhaps you fear being judged by attractive woman.

    If it’s social anxiety then you might do CBT and perhaps SSRI/SNRI.

  3. I think this is a clear case where therapy is the best advice. Or anti-anxiety meds. Or both.

  4. Most people who got bullied got bullied by people their age and they don’t develop an aversion for people their age. There is definitely something else. I see lack of confidence, lack of self esteem.

  5. ‘Anxiety’ is defined by irrationality, paired with it harming your life in some way.

    If you feel the desire to socialize with someone but are getting too nervous, simply telling yourself, “I’m being irrationally anxious — just go say hi!” can go a long way. Basically, you can develop some go-to self-talk or reframing statements to soothe your anxiety.

    And, as much as this might suck to hear, you just have to make yourself socialize more. Put yourself in socially uncomfortable situations. Push your comfort zone, and your comfort zone will grow. Stay within your comfort zone, and it will only shrink.

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