He first broke up with me in November last year, about six hours after he had finished his last final exam for college. He knew I still had finals due in 2 days. He gave me a call later that evening saying he couldn’t do it anymore despite telling me earlier that day how much he loved me and was excited to see me the day after. I had never been broken up with before and it came out of nowhere so I panicked. I tried to make it work and for him to stay – he ended up agreeing so we got together again the day after and said we would give each other more space for our own lives and be less codependent.
Things seemed to be going good until I left for overseas in December. Before I left he promised that we would stay in touch and communicate. I also told him I would need some more reassurance, given what had happened in November from our first break up. He said “that was already a month ago, I’ve already put it behind me and have had sufficient time to process it”.
For the first week i was overseas, it was great he would tell me how much he loved me and missed me. Then it was like he flipped a switch, he then dumped me during the second week I was overseas on vacation – he was being distant over text and avoiding communication so I got the hint and called him about it.
We met up for coffee last week to say goodbye. He was so cold and distant. Saying he needed to grow and all the new goals he wants to do alone. It’s painful how fast someone can change. I cant help but replay events in my mind and blame myself for what went wrong. It also hurts that he’s moving on so quickly and that I am so forgettable.
TLDR – struggling with moving on from heartbreak :((
2 comments
Let him go. If you’ve never been through this at 21, then you need this experience so you know what it feels like to hurt and how to deal with loss. It will make you better and stronger later, give you more appreciation for someone, and to not want to hurt someone the same way. Remember all the feelings and thoughts you’re having and channel them into making yourself better and more independent. What you’re going through is a process and it sucks. But i promise it will get better and you’ll be ok.
Hi OP,
Sorry to hear you’re going through heartbreak, twice. First, breakups may happen for a multitude of reasons, so please don’t fixate on blaming yourself. No matter how awesome you are as a person, as a partner, it’s very possible your ex is going through something that is independent of you and is not fit to be in a relationship with anyone. And it sounds like your ex was quite indecisive about your relationship. I think you deserve someone who knows what they want and that they want to be with you.
As for moving on, I definitely relate to how hard it is after a breakup. I remember often bursting into tears randomly for a while after my most recent breakup, so let yourself process your emotions however you need. Trying to bottle it up or ignoring it will only hurt you in the long run.
On the other hand, being overseas, it might be a blessing in disguise since you will be around less places and things that remind you of your ex. When you feel up for it, try taking your mind off the breakup by exploring your new environment and meeting new people.
Wishing you brighter times ahead!