So I’ve always been terrible talking to men. I’m on my thirties and haven’t had a relationship yet. I just realised how absolutely self sabotaging I am.
The other day I’m sitting at my desk and a guy walks in. Just a normal guy who I don’t know and I just feel the heat in my cheeks rise. And then this overwhelming like oh fuck and (assuming) anxiety came over and I basically slunk behind my desk to avoid eye contact-I literally hid from the poor guy.
I’ve noticed I definitely do this I make myself smaller and I can’t look them in the eyes. It not that I don’t want to but it’s that I’m like practically petrified of being caught staring.
I’m not exactly ugly but I’m not like (well clearly considering my forever alone status) model material that at face value guys are going for.
It’s like I’m shooting myself in the foot so I don’t get rejected but I also am like why does nobody look at me etc (see the mental catch 22).
Anyway, I have no idea how fix this. I don’t really know how to be confident and charismatic to guys and make them notice me or see me as anything other than the fff or whatever.
It’s really frustrating because it’s like dealing with the anxiety on top of a situation that’s riddled with discomfort. I feel like I’m broken
3 comments
I used to feel the same way, albeit with the genders flipped. I’d flush burning hot, feel super awkward, I’d have to escape them anyway I can – by hiding or avoiding getting them in my eyeline, whatever.
I feel like I can handle it a lot better now, the only way I feel that helped me was practice. Practice talking to men and women, attractive and unattractive. Through this it just got easier to talk to attractive women.
Join some hobby or discussion groups to get to meet people and just talk to them.
Maybe just don’t hide behind the desk and just get out of your comfort zone? I mean, you’re 30, I don’t know what you want frome life but time will not stop and at 40 it will be harder and more awkward than at 30. Just do it, it will be weird the firsts times, but you have no other way.
I was about to ask a similar question. Thank you.