We have two daughters, in almost every argument I have to communicate first and talk to him. If not things don’t get fixed, we had a huge argument in new years and ever since that day he’s just avoidant and sleeps in the living room. I’ve told him countless times we need therapy but I’m the only one who puts effort.
5 comments
Do you go the extra mile in something he appreciates or something he can’t do himself(I don’t necessarily mean sex stuff) because most men and women don’t have the same things they appreciate, same shared moment but two different experience of that situation. He might be excited about talk about cars or whatever thing he’s into and to him it’s passion, but even in your most interest in something he’s passionate about, you will not be able to share his passion, even people that have the same passion will experience it differently. So figure those things out and see if it makes him want to return the favor. Like I appreciate that my partner does craft projects with the kids, but its not the same joy the kids get out of it.
Sorry you are going through this.
Some people are just extremely conflict avoidant.
Relationships aren’t fair. Oftentimes, someone takes the lead because they are more capable. That’s ok if both people are ok with it.
It sounds like you are not ok with being the peace maker. If he isn’t capable and/or unwilling to do what you clearly have decided to do all these years, but no longer want to do; is it worth throwing away the good in what you do have?
Only you can decide this.
OP, how do the daughters play into this post? Are you the referee or are u & partner arguing?
What does “giving up” look like to you? Is it divorce? Or is it some other boundary you’re wanting to put in place? I can tell you that if you are the only one in the relationship doing the emotional work for both of you, eventually you’re going to get burned out and resentful.
You could tell him when he’s ready to talk you’re there to talk and hopefully resolve issues. Until then, let him sleep on the couch.
He sees withdrawing from you as a punishment for you arguing with him or holding him responsible for anything he doesn’t want on his plate.
Think carefully about how to reverse his total confidence that you need him more than he needs you and then do something to change the dynamic. I’m not suggesting other relationships but you being independent and perfectly capable of taking his boycott of you as a message that you are free to make your own way.