I was told by a guy(25M) that i like and seeing i wasn’t wife material (but might be some day) not to him but just in general. He told me that I don’t know what it takes or have the qualities to be a wife after asking me why do i think im wife material. He told me that marriage is a big thing and I’m not prepared with what comes with it . I do want to get married some day.
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EDIT: I think I didn’t provide much information but will give a better understanding.
It all started when I assumed he was gay for not wanting to sleep with me. My intentions were not sex but he never approached me wanting sex or at least hinting he was sexually attracted to me like most guys do. We had a long talk and he told me how sex isnt everything in a relationship. He was basically telling me that I might look good, may be pretty, might have the best body, might give him the best sex but that doesn’t mean he’ll marry me. But from what he’s seen based on my personality and mindset that I’m not wife material. A lot of people might me assuming he is gay may be the reason he doesn’t see me as wife material but I don’t think he was ever into marrying me in the first place.
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There are four common issues that partners need to agree on. Sex, Money, Kids and Religion.
The answers to these topics may vary but the two people need to agree on how to handle them
It sounds like he is just being a jerk. He wants to screw you but not commit, and is blaming you for it. Or he is just sexist and wants his little wife to cook, clean, and be barefoot and pregnant.
There is no need to change something if you like who you are. What he said: he don’t want to marry you.
What you understood: no one wants to marry you.
But:
1. Men are not all the same. An other man might think you are wife material.
2. I am not a native English speeker but the term connects with some stereotypes in my head. Those are: do all the household, do everything g for your man, he is always right, do only “feminin stuff”, have children. But again: idk if I take this wrong but this sounds manipulative to me.
3. What would husband material be for you? Maybe it’s not the same for me? Who defines that?
4. Change to be the person you want to be not to a person someone else thinks you should be
“Wife material” would be for me (a woman): be honest, trustworthy, know your value, speak up if necessary, have a own opinion but be able to change it if you learn it’s wrong, be open minded, handle your responsibilities, don’t be someone’s play doll, … but even if you do all this I still would have to love you deeply.
He’s negging you. The “might be some day” makes it clear as day. It’s an emotional manipulation tactic.
What’s wife material to one man isn’t wife material to another.
In general, though, I just suggest that you become educated, financially independent, and a functional adult who can keep a clean living space and cook for themselves. That’s about it. You’ll meet a good man who is worth your time, in due time!
He didn’t think there was a future with you so that’s why he said that. It’s for the best! You don’t have to change how you are just because one person doesn’t like it. There are so many more compatible people out there.
Step 1: Stop hanging around with guys who categorize women by whether they are “wife material” and go live your life.
That’s it. Those are all the steps.
Any guy that told me I wasn’t wife material was told that I want looking to be their wife, I was saving myself for someone who was more husband material
I’ve known multiple guys that like to have “interim” girlfriends. They never like being single so they will get temporary girlfriends in between long-term relationships. These are girls that don’t meet their standards for a long-term relationship and they have every intention of dropping them as soon as someone “better” comes along. I’m not saying that this is the case in this situation, but maybe.
Being wife material in a nutshell:
1. Be yourself.
2. Accept a proposal from someone who appreciates you for it.
Sounds like this guy is just negging you, please ignore him and continue about your life as per usual.
(Wow, marriage is a big thing? What an insight, he deserves a big shiny medal. How will our pea-sized lady brains cope with this information? /s)
Honestly, don’t give it(or him) a second thought.
> i wasn’t wife material
Never in the history of the human race has this accusation been used by someone who was themself worth a damn as a partner or a person.
First it’s subjective to an individual what that means. Second, we know nothing about you. So I wouldn’t even know where to start.
Did he give you specific reasons?
I see a lot of answers here that seem to have not seen the edit. If this was as a response to you thinking he was gay, then the issue is that you are immature and toxic.
Wait so is everyone just going to gloss over the fact that she assumed he was gay because he didn’t want to sleep with her? Maybe he felt she was immature, didn’t respect herself or something… And, that’s why he said she wasn’t wife material… I’m sure folks will probably downvote me for this…
Lol the fact that you assumed he must be gay because he wasn’t pursuing you is a pretty big tell on your personality. Based on your edit it sounds like he articulated this pretty well to you. Sounds like you’re physically hot but your personality isn’t. Generally people don’t want to date long term or marry someone who (check all that apply):
-is selfish
-is shallow
-is unkind
-is self centred
-has low empathy
-has low emotional intelligence
A guy isn’t gay because he didn’t want to sleep with you. Sounds like you started this.
Yeah, people aren’t reading the update. She made assumptions about him wanting to sleep with her. Then she assumed he was gay because OF COURSE EVERYONE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH ME! I’d be offended if I was that dude, and he was just letting her know that she needs to be offering more than just sex for guys to want to sleep with her.
Considering you just expect every guy to want to sleep with you, and think guys who don’t are gay, it sure sounds like you’re not mature enough to be in an adult relationship let alone a marriage.
Ha, this reads like a bad fan fiction.
“He didn’t wanna fuck so I thought he was gay and he got mad”
1) You’re not all that, he’s not gay for not being in the mood.
2) Whether or not you’re wife material is subjective to the individual.
3) I personally wouldn’t be with someone so egotistical they call others gay because they don’t want to sleep with them.
I’m sorry but it does not mean someone’s gay because they don’t want to sleep with you.
You need to take your ego down a few notches
>I assumed he was gay for not wanting to sleep with me.
Well. Someone thinks highly of herself, doesn’t she 😂
I don’t think you understand how absolutely horrid the sentence “It all started when I assumed he was gay for not wanting to sleep with me,” makes you sound. The absolute audacity and arrogance and self-absorption needed to think every man on Earth wants to sleep with you unless they’re gay is staggering. You got a whole bunch of life-affirming answers from people before you put this edit in, but I guarantee that if you had inserted this from the beginning you’d be getting a lot harsher, but more accurate feedback.
It’s true he may not have been into you before you said anything about being gay…but you have to understand that someone who has that mindset- that everyone on earth wants them- lets it bleed over into other aspects of their personality and their life. I guarantee you made fun of or made assumptions about other people where he could hear you, based on your world view. I would guess that you talk about relationships in terms of “he wants me, and he did this for me, and he is going to give me this” and not “he’s such a sweet person, I did this for him, I want to make him feel special on his birthday, etc.” No one wants to date selfish, self-absorbed people for anything other than the sex, and if this is how you behave, that’s what he means by “not wife material.” He means you don’t treat other people or think about other people with enough respect or courtesy, and don’t value the people in your life because you feel on some level that you’re better than them.
Ooof. Dude. You assumed he was gay because he didn’t want to sleep with you? That’s a very naive and immature outlook on sex and relationships. Contrary to what we have been taught in the media, not all men want sex from anyone, there are plenty of guys who only want to have sex in the context of a serious relationship. It sounds like this guy is one of them.
A ton of people didn’t read the edit and it shows.
He told you and you’re still confused… relying on your looks and accusing anyone who doesn’t want to sleep with you of being gay shows your immaturity and true personality which makes you not someone he and many others would want to marry.