We’ve been doing this since the start of our relationship (we’re 1 and a half year together now). Both my phone and laptop are always on Discord with sharescreen and cameras both on.
When I sleep, he gets mad when I don’t point the camera to my bed. I didn’t think much of it because I have nothing to hide but when I asked my best friends about this, they said that it’s not normal at all.
This whole time I’ve been comfortable with it because I get to laugh with him when I come across a funny video on my screen but when I saw the reaction of my friends, I thought twice about this. He also told me to not tell this to anyone anymore because it made him upset so it made me think that maybe this is wrong
I’m okay with this routine but should I tell him I want it to stop just because it doesn’t seem right?
27 comments
Egotistical, lack of trust, ass.
That’s dangerous and it’s going to get worse
Scary.
It’s one thing to do it occasionally as a way to spend time together. It’s another to be expected and “forced” to do it 24/7.
Have you ever met this guy in person?
Turn off your camera and tell him to get a grip. He either trusts you or he doesn’t but you don’t need him constantly surveiling you. Even prisoners get more privacy than you.
Scary. Hopefully he doesnt share or sell your videos to others.
Wow that’s not normal at all and is extremely controlling and concerning. Who the f wants someone watching you 24/7? Very Big Brother
While you seem okay with this, the reason your friends are reacting the way they do has to do with the forced part of this. Just because you happen to be fine with this particular demand doesn’t mean it isn’t alarming.
The fact that he reacts negatively if you don’t follow his demands is the concerning part. That means he isn’t thinking of your needs and wellbeing. He isn’t worried about your consent. He didn’t discuss this with you to see if *you* are okay with this setup. He is insecure and egoistic and is making it your problem.
I doubt this will be his only “thing”. As the relationship will progress he might, and most likely will, start making different demands and continue to emotionally manipulate you. Demanding you drop friends or family, take part in sexual acts you’re not comfortable with, leave jobs he doesn’t feel comfortable with, comment on how you dress or any other aspect of your life.
As a side note – power and control play in relationships is most certainly a thing. Some people love being stripped of control and decision power in their lives and others love keeping that power. *HOWEVER* this is an extremely vulnerable practice and the foundation of it isn’t mistrust and jealousy. It’s mutual respect, trust, consent and a whole lot of ongoing communication on boundaries. What you are experiencing here is not that and that is extremely concerning.
That man does not own you and your privacy. Have a long hard think about what this man truly is asking of you and what that means. Be careful and don’t allow him to gaslight and control you. You deserve respect and healthy boundaries and love.
how is he forcing you to do it if you don’t have a problem with it and don’t find it harmful? i personally DO think it’s harmful/controlling/creepy, especially since he’s told you to stop talking about it with other people (meaning he knows fully well that this is abnormal and just doesn’t want reasonable people to cause you to doubt the relationship) but he’s not forcing you. If i were you, I would simply turn off the screen sharing/stop letting him WATCH YOU SLEEP and then see how he reacts. If he flips out about the idea that you don’t want to be under 24/7 surveillance, then this isn’t a person you should be in a relationship with
no, just no. this is inappropriate, controlling and just plain wrong.
There is a reason he doesn’t want you telling your friends as its a massive invasion or privacy. in doing this he is monitoring you and anyone that comes near your room 24×7.
I don’t care what his insecurity is, this request alone would be enough for most people to break up. Couples need time apart, they need privacy.
Please, run. he wants to control you 24/7. And he know exactly that what he does is wrong and a red flag that is why he didn’t want you to tell everybody. This will get worse like telling you what to wear, who you can talk to, getting angry if you even look in the way of a man. At some point you can’t even leave the house anymore without him.
He doesn’t trust you. He thinks you cheat and wants to control every step. Do you slso need to share your location? Love is not control.
RUN
FFS!
No, this is not normal… and there is a reason why your bf told you not to tell anyone else. He wants to keep you in the dark about how controlling this is.
The only people who force 24hr surveillance on their partner are controlling and abusive ones
What’s gonna come next?
Watch out for when you tell him that you won’t do this anymore. Controlling partners can turn aggressive when they don’t get their way.
Be careful
This could be normal- if he didn’t get mad when you have your screen share off or don’t have the camera pointed at you etc. Itd be fine if he simply wanted to watch funny videos with you or something however this is something entirely different. Have a serious talk with him about boundaries and tell him you’re not comfortable with doing this and to be in a relationship, you need to be comfortable. Also tell him to look online and maybe even talk to his doctor about therapy for his insecurities and controlling tendencies, as well as for the anger. You shouldn’t feel obliged to share YOUR screen.
Also, just wondering, does he ever share his screen?
holy crap OP. this will fuck you up. i had an ex who did similar–we’d fall asleep on the phone every night, and i thought it was romantic, but then it became him checking all my deleted photos in my camera roll, searching my messages for his name to see what i’d been saying about him, and getting so upset when i wouldn’t answer his nightly calls (i often was already asleep) that he would harass my roommate just to see if i was okay.
now whenever i hear anything resembling the buzz of a phone my anxiety spikes because i’m still reminded of the repercussions of missing a message, i still regularly permanently delete photos, and i always, always feel like i’m hiding something, even though i’m not.
while this seems fine now, once you break up, and sorry OP, but you will break up, because this controlling behavior only gets worse with time, you will not feel the same using your computer ever again. you will feel weird for not being constantly surveilled and it will fuck you up.
YOU ARE NOT OK WITH THIS ROUTINE. This is beyond abusive and controlling.
That whole “keep it a secret because it will upset him” is horrifying. I would have laughed. Good for you that you didn’t.
Tonight, have him put his computer and phone on share screen and camera. If he refuses, shut all your screens off.
Plus – screens at night are very bad for your sleep cycle.
Oh – break up with this jerk.
WHY does he want you to do this? Is it because he’s making sure you’re not sleeping with someone else? Does he get sexually aroused by watching you sleep? Does he just want to make sure you’re safe?
This is really creepy, controlling and not normal!
What happens if you don’t do it?
Oh my god nooooo this is so awful and abusive.
Try not doing those things and see his reaction. Then let us know if you should continue allowing him to control you.
This shows an insane lack of trust to you and self esteem to himself. What a loser.
Edit: Are you sure he’s not streaming you sleep for perverts to pay him?
Oh no I really hope y’all Dont get married. He will ruin your whole life
This is absolutely creepy, abusive, and an invasion of your privacy. End the relationship.
A year and a half in?🫣🫣🫣
This is creepy!
It’s not right. It’s controlling, borderline abusive. Get away from this man.
The reason he told you not to tell anyone is because *he knows* what he’s doing.
He’s being controlling. He is being abusive.
This is *not okay*.
This will escalate. It’s not a matter of if but *when*.
Would you be happy for any one of your friends if their partners were *forcing* them to be available 24/7 as…what? Proof of their fidelity?
You’re so young and I realise it may seem harmless in a way for you, because as you say, you have nothing to hide; the issue is that you should have trust regardless.
He does not trust you. He doesn’t even have the *bare minimum* of trust necessary to be in a relationship.
This is *textbook* controlling behaviour. I beg of you to rethink this relationship.