I live with my friend of 3 years/roommate. She is doing a masters in psychology and always tells me that “she knows everyone’s secrets and problems” because she’s good at “sussing them out” because of her psychological background.
She got drunk the other night and told me she went into my room “while she was looking for me”, and “accidentally” went through my mental health medication and my private stuff. She said she “always thought I had problems since she met me” and now she knows what it is “she’s going to help me get better” because she’s a psychologist and knows everything about mental health.
I told her thank you, but I don’t want her help and I’m fine. But she insisted and kept pushing the narrative that she *knows* I’m “not fine” and she’s really worried something’s going to happen to me. She then said she had been “crying in her bed thinking of what might happen to me.” I got the sense that she was lying when she said that.
She then said that she “always thought I was perfect” but she knew there was something going on, and she’s “going to get me better.” She told me she considers me her “best friend” and opened up to me about her family drama, and then basically asked me to open up to her in return. I felt really uncomfortable but she kept pushing. So I told her everything, which I now regret.
I’ve now found out that she’s told her boyfriend that I’m “mentally unwell” and exaggerating the story massively saying something might happen to me and how she’s so worried about me, when this is not the truth and I told her that.
What should I do? Should I confront her about what happened? I’ve talked to other friends about this, and they say she might just be trying to help me. But I don’t get that impression. I don’t know if I should talk to her about it, but I don’t feel comfortable. At all.
48 comments
You need to grey rock this bitch.
She’s pushed to get your private trauma and told her bf. She needs more help than you do. That’s not a therapist nor helping you at all.
You need a lock for your door and to just stop entertaining the topic of this all together. If you need to be petty tell her she’ll never be a psychologist if she can’t respect people’s privacy. You must know you have the upper hand here.
She invaded your privacy. It’s as simple as that. And it is unacceptable. I have no idea what your mental health issues are, but unless one of them is “Let-People-Abuse-Me-Itis”, I suggest you sit her down and tell her, in no incertain terms, to butt the fuck out if your life. She’s not your doctor. She will never BE your doctor and she needs to stop this right now or you will report her to her school dean. No kidding, OP. This kind of shit is a huge red flag for schools and their students.
It seems to me, that getting drunk and going through your belongings says a lot more about HER mental issues than yours.
For your own peace of mind, and to prevent you from having to deal with her wacky BS, you might want to make a plan to move out as soon as you can.
As a psych major, your roommate is cringey and annoying as fuck.
>She is doing a masters in psychology and always tells me that “she knows everyone’s secrets and problems”
What an absolute idiot.
>What should I do?
Stop playing along with her delusions. Shut it down on the spot.
Ask her how many ethics classes she’s taken, and would she like to perhaps give some thought to how many of the things she’s learned that she’s currently violating.
She’s being arrogant, overbearing and completely inappropriate.
Your friend must not be paying attention in class.
She’s invaded your privacy without consent and has offered to provide you some sort of informed mental health support even though she is still a student and has no degree, certification or insurance to practice.
Her professors will have warned her about trying to provide help to friends and that it’s not only I’ll-advised but could be unethical and even illegal depending on how far she goes with it.
Being a friend is one thing but if she’s trying to play therapist then she should know better.
She sounds annoying. Psychology is my major and I would never cross boundaries like that with anyone. Being an advocate for mental health doesn’t give a person the right to assume things about others, tamper with their property and badger them. Geez.
Report her to her professors. She is not a psychologist yet and has no right doing what she is doing
Lmao why is it always the last people that should be handling anyone’s care that are drawn to medicine and psychology?
As someone who has a masters in psychology, your roommate is the worst. People like that are not helping end the stigma toward the field. I would try and keep your distance as much as you can and then going your own way. The disrespect of going through your stuff would end the friendship for me
She should be kicked out of the psychology program and you can report her to the school. This is highly unethical. My daughter has a Ph.D. in psychology and the first thing they teach you is to never analyze friends and family, and never treat anyone if you don’t a license, which she doesn’t have yet. To be a practicing therapist, she needs to first have a degree, of course, then take and pass a state examination and pay for a license and malpractice insurance. If she moves to another stage, she has to pass a test there and get a separate license. So first, get another roommate if you can, but be very blunt and tell her she is being unethical and you will report her if she doesn’t stop. She will never be able to practice anywhere and you can make sure that happens. She sounds like she will be a terrible psychologist and will do more harm than good.
Sounds like a blimmin narcissist with a savior complex who gets off massively on you, who she deemed “perfect” and was probably jealous of in some weird way, being “less than”, conveniently worded in a way that makes her look like ‘the most empathetic human being in the world’ (barf).
I don’t know, I know people are averse to conflict but I would recommend at the very least you stop saying “thank you” or trying to acknowledge the good in this in any way. Because it’s not. And it’s actually a power move that is pretty accessible, when you don’t play into people’s narrative.
The petty part of me, thinking of this situation, wants to catch her when she visits you and host an “intervention”.
This is what my approach would be:
“Are you OK? Because the way you are acting is cruel. Is there anything you want to get off your chest or talk about?”
Cue: What? Why blah blah what is the problem.
“You are actively out here undermining my reputation and it is making me very uncomfortable. I am telling you right now that this is making me uncomfortable and it is not good for me to have you acting this way. I would like to remain friends if possible but for you to stop this behaviour immediately.”
Cue: Ah but blah blah reasons
“Your reasons are your own but at the end of the day this is affecting me negatively and I cannot stand for it. If you can’t respect my boundaries, which is something that any decent human being should learn how to do (especially people dealing with mental health btw) I will have to distance myself from you. I find it incredibly disrespectful that you are slandering me publicly in a way that masquerades as you “caring”. Yes it is a farce. If you actually cared you would not go out of your way to put my business out there like that.”
It takes two to Tango and you could potentially beat her at her own game. But at the very least you could treat this as an opportunity for growth to stand up for yourself. If it’s too difficult for you to spitball it, nothing wrong with writing a letter and asking her to have a private chat so you can put it out.
At the end of the day she wants to look like a good person so the more you lay out there the harder it will be for her to push her agenda at your expense.
Wish I could be there to help you and tell her off for you. Blimmin not the type of personality I’d want to deal with in therapy tbh. But I think you got this.
Hugs OP.
Edit: Oops also saw below comment recommending that you can report people. Absolutely threaten to report the sh*t out of her if she doesn’t take a leaf and comply. I would personally not want a person out there in the world practicing.
“always thought I had problems since she met me” and now she knows what it is “she’s going to help me get better” because she’s a psychologist and knows everything about mental health.”
“No, you are not a psychologist. Not yet anyway. That means that you are still unqualified to diagnose or counsel me in any kind of professional manner. You need to stay in your lane and stop treating me like your guinea pig.”
If she doesn’t stop, complain to the head of her department at school.
Tell her to shove her arm chair psychological analyses up her ass and leave you be. You don’t care for her opinions, didn’t ask for them, and aren’t interested in them in the slightest.
Report this to her supervisor. And install a locking doorknob on your door with a key asap
She is bad news. At a minimum a future psychologist should know how to keep confidentiality and not brake your privacy to do it.
My personal theory is that people that study psychology usually have some major issues in their own life or in connected to their friends and family.
You need to speak with her and be VERY CLEAR that she has broken your confidence. Tell her you do not want her to discuss you with yourself and with others. If she does that – things will be ok – otherwise you have to stop living together. Your home is your safespace – make that clear.
Finally psychologist should not treat friends or family as they are not emotionally neutral towards them.
Tell her stop acting like shes a professional or that shes responsible for your mental well being and worry about her own self.
Looks like she herself needs some medical attention.
What she did is horrific. But not only that, she should never be in the field. You should consider messaging her professors. If she acts this way with just a roommate when she is in school, the fuck will she do to patients when she is viewed as an authority figure?
Ugh, this boils my blood.
She is not trying to help. She is NOT a psychologist and she absolutely does not know everything about mental health.
She DID invade your privacy, probably multiple times and has put you in a spot where you have to defend your mental well being? Frankly it’s none of her fucking business and I’m shocked you didn’t tell her that immediately.
Please don’t let your friends convince you she’s trying to help– she’s doing the opposite in some fantasy land where she thinks she’s the main character.
Lord have mercy on any client she gets her hands on if she ever actually earns a higher position. Her treatment of you is so very wrong. In fact, I agree with another commenter about informing her school or professors that she’s doing this; it doesn’t bode well if she’s already sharing private information for someone that isn’t a client.
Call her out!!
Tell her she isn’t your Dr and she will have a problem in her future sharing medical information and going thru someone’s prescription drugs!
Frankly I think you should be talking to her school. It’s extremely concerning that a psychology student is invading a person’s privacy and then using that to manipulate them into telling her things. Trying to force you to take her opinion over the qualified professionals who actually know you. Telling your personal information to people without your consent.
These are massive ethical violations and she needs to hear it from someone with authority.
Your friendship is over. Do not talk to her other than basic household necessities.
Oh, good god. No, she is not trying to help. She is a boundary-less drama queen with a savior complex. She is going to be the kind of psychologist who gives psychologists a bad name. I suppose she thinks she is going to be counselor or something, in which case, she will be in the bottom half.
Start planning for a new roommate as soon as possible. In the meantime, just stop talking to her. She is without boundaries to a bizarre extent and there is NO upside to giving her any more information about yourself. Also, get a lock for your door.
And for sure do not worry about being rude or hurting her feelings. She is so clueless that being rude is probably the only way to get through to her.
Good luck, OP. She sounds insufferable.
Your first priority should be the get another roommate. You cannot live with this person.
She is disturbed and thinks that because she is studying psychology, she is some type of Sherlock Holmes. She is bully.
Put a camera in your room to check if she gets in and try to get out of your lease or kick her out. Try to get written confirmation of all of what she’s done.
If you take mental health medication and have a therapist, talk to your therapist about steps. I wouldn’t email her professors like people are saying; that will make you seem unhinged, you have no evidence, and honestly, professors cannot do anything. However, if you put cameras, try to move out, and you get her stealing stuff or she harasses you, that’s another issue because you can involve the police and that’s makes it difficult to be a therapist or work in certain places.
What she did would be considered a pretty big breach of ethics. I would let them know you think this
Tell her it’s not in the lease agreement.
Her behaviour is so inappropriate
I feel like I’m late to this post, but I had a roommate in college who suffered likely undiagnosed and untreated mental issues.
This girl was my best friend for over seven years. She knew EVERYTHING about me. One day, living together, she snapped. I was crying because everything got to me: the school stress, the loneliness, the lack of coping mechanisms.
TW: self-harm
We got in an argument. I avoided her all day. I was so scared to go back to my room. I had extreme paranoia and had a mental breakdown. I don’t remember how, but I was forced to go back. I hid in the corner behind my bed, crying and cutting my legs with scissors. At the time, I knew where her ibuprofen was. I knew that, if I didn’t cope in some way, I wouldn’t cope at all.
She found me, got my RA, and was taken to the hospital.
After that, she went off on me. She told me that I’m selfish and shouldn’t burden others with my problems like that. This is coming from a girl who genuinely vomits blood when she’s stressed. I don’t know if she ever seeked help, but she always saw it as a burdensome thing to do.
Your housemate… you need to shut it down. People can flip like a switch. That’s not to say you shouldn’t trust anyone, but this girl is definitely showing bad, bad signs. End it before you end up paying for a private room.
Quick note: this was nearly four years ago for me now. I am properly medicated. Paranoia is gone, my environment is healthy, and I have coping mechanisms. I have loved ones that treat me well. (:
If I was you, I would issue a written complaint to her university
I have to admit that I would probably start “confiding” in her and telling her batshit crazy stories.
Start innocuous… whenever you wear yellow it makes me think of earthworms eating your clothes. You should stop wearing yellow, it doesn’t suit you.
I would search her room while she was out and move ONE thing.
Another day would move something else.
I would move one piece of furniture in the livingroom and pretend it has always been in the new spot.
Have fun with it.
(But reporting her to the head of her department makes more sense. Request a meeting and ask them what you should do about this AND get safely out of the apartment.)
This is incredibly dodgy. She does not have the ethical integrity to go into this profession. I know it’s hard but I second advice other people have given you here to alert her superiors: her supervisors if you can, the head of her school of studies. She has treated you appallingly and that’s bad enough, but her lack of scruples has much broader implications.
Tell your housemate to STFU don’t nobody want to hear that shit.
Students studying psychology have to deal with the most boring studies imaginable, because they really hammer the point that they are not yet qualified to handle diagnosis or the majority of mental health issues.
Beyond that, a psychologist with such clear disdain for confidentiality is going to be utterly shit in their career.
She needs to pay more attention to lectures and less to the contents of your bedroom.
I think whoever is in charge of her education needs to be aware, she isn’t qualified yet and is already exhibiting unprofessional behaviour. Also, get a new roommate.
Three strikes for this woman.
First of all, she is not a practicing psychologist. And she is not a psychiatrist, either, so she should be judging anything from the medication that you are taking especially if she doesn’t know the background.
Second, she invaded your privacy by snooping through your room and looking through your private things.
Third, she told her boyfriend.
(There’s a fourth one – you can’t really suss a person out just like that without long and deep talks with them).
Your friends, though perhaps well meaning and probably wanting to avoid fallouts and drama, are wrong. This woman wants to play psychologist, assert her power over you, make you feel small and grateful for her for saving you. It’s rather sick if you think about it.
There’s no need to talk to her because by now she should know the ethical aspects of being a psychologist in her cell. Please report her to her school – you’ll find the names and email addresses of the Director of Graduate Studies as well as the Department Chair/Dean of the Faculty. Put in a formal complaint. Let them do the rest. If there’s nothing wrong in what she’s doing, there will be no consequences.
Look at it as a service that you are doing for her future patients – as well as for herself. This woman needs to grow up and take her profession seriously.
(BTW, it wouldn’t necessarily ruin her future. She’ll most probably have to take and retake some classes. And if she can’t get into clinical psychology, there are other career paths that she can take with a MSc in Psychology).
I’m sorry that you are in this situation. If I were you, I’d look at moving because my privacy and safety have been trampled upon.
Well she sounds like she’ll be a fucking terrible psychologist.
The total and compete lack of ethics. The boundary violations. The emotional vampirism. The obsessional vibe. The nuttiness of saying she’s been crying about it in her bed? Mate this is fucked. It’s totally unhinged.
I think here’s what you should do: move out. Just make your plans in silence apart from whatever legal notice you need to give. Or, if you happen to have the power to, evict her. Try not to antagonise her or get overly confrontational because protecting yourself comes first and she sounds toxic. But do not continue to live with a person like this. Remove her from your life.
I would absolutely be reporting her to her professors. She hasn’t even got her degree yet and she is already offering unsolicited and infuriating advice.
She literally stomped on your privacy – wonder what she would SELF diagnose.
She “accidentally” went into your room and looked at your private stuff?
She sounds suss herself.
Tell the room mate they are not a psychologist, they are a student. Once they qualify as a as a recognised psychologist you’ll happily have free sessions with them. Until then, they should back off with their amateur mind sleuthing
Simply pretend she doesn’t exist. Psych majors always try that reverse psychology garbage on people. Just Uno reverse her and she’ll back down.
If she thinks her clients will open up to them when she tells them her own story, she is dead wrong. They will only think she’s crazy and they are there to receive her help, not to help her. She’s arrogant and just wants to be the good guy. Confront her and talk about the ethics of her job. Tell her that she needs to go to therapy before starting a job. Otherwise she’s going to get sued at the very least for sharing private information.
Edit: Move out as soon as possible and don’t tell her anything from now on.
Ignore her and plan to get a new roommate as soon as the situation allows. Any attention you pay to this will just make it worse.
Okay. First thing is she broke her ethical code. She might be doing a masters but she is a manipulative idiot. Don’t fall for the heeby jeeby nonsense designed to take power over you. Tell her she is clearly a narcissist and to work on herself before dispensing advice. She isn’t supposed to discuss anyone’s mental problems and intruded into your room without permission. Put a lock on your door and tell her to get her head seen to. She knows your secrets, so they are not secrets anymore. Accept these. From now on do not engage with her. Tell her that you will report her behaviour to her academic tutor.
Talk to your landlord about the lease. Get another place sorted out. Write and have registered delivery a letter about her, to the Dean, copied to the Head of Finance (whatever title) and the Head of your course. Clarify that you are not looking to seek legal advice at this time, but may be obliged to should the situation continue. Get a lock for your door, grey rock her, explain what is going on to your friends, as briefly as possible.
She won’t be in this profession long. Unless you’re taking something specific like the pig hormone that treats only thyroid problems, she’s just guessing. She’s also not a good friend.
Step One: Get a lock for your room.
Step Two: Tell your boyfriend and close friends that your roommate violated your privacy and is acting weird and you would appreciate it if they would come to you if she talks to them, and make sure your boyfriend understands that your roommate is making shit up.
Step Three: Make sure all your stuff is always safe around her- room is locked, cell phone isn’t where she can take it.
Step Four: Do not engage with this roommate, at all. Do not share a single piece of personal information with her. Do not sit and listen to her talk about your mental health. When you get home, make very polite and quick conversation- hello, how are you, great, I am going to go make a phone call/study/nap. If she tries to talk to you about your mental health, just be short but stern “Oh I don’t want to talk about that” “I am fine, and not interested in discussing this.”
Step Five: If she brings up your mental health in front of others, confront in a firm and almost laughing way. “Oh geez roomie, one psychology class and breaking in to my room later, and you are an expert. I’m doing great and think we all would like to discuss something more fun and real then your student diagnoses.” If she keeps going, look at others and say “oh this is weird, I’m gonna head out.”
This person is not your friend, she is not acting normally, and it is not okay.
Report her to the institution she’s attending! She needs a lesson in ethics