My (23m) whole life I’ve had trouble fitting in, I’ve never been good enough and it’s taken a toll on my confidence and mental health. People are either friendly with me and remain acquaintances or act like they’re too good to talk to me, like I don’t belong wherever.
I’m high school I would bounce around between friend groups, as there was never a specific crowd I truly identified with. In college, I could never fit in anywhere, and I get that everyone finds it easy to make friends in college, but I had no one. If you can’t fit in with anyone within the first few weeks of the semester, it’s near impossible to find a group. Everyone has a group, but no one thinks I’m good enough to be part of it, so it’s frustrating.
The longer I go like this, the more experiences I miss out on, which makes it even harder to identify with other people. How are you supposed to get along with anyone when they automatically write you off as an outsider? How can you prove that you’re actually worth talking to if you never get the chance to talk to anyone? Whenever I’m around other people, I’m completely invisible, and everyone makes it clear they don’t want to interact with me.
Can confidence really be enough for people to treat you like this? It’s awful to live this way, and this has happened most of my life. The only time I can meet new people is if an acquaintance introduces me to a friend, without that association, everyone writes me off as worthless.
I’m no worse than everyone else, but everyone seems to disagree. I can’t figure it out, it’s so easy for everyone else. What makes me so worthless? What makes me such an outsider and an outcast? Clearly people see something that I don’t. No matter how I dress or how I carry myself I’m never worth the time.
What the hell can I do?
2 comments
It’s crazy I feel like I’m reading something I wrote. I’m gonna tell you what I tell myself everyday. Most of what other people do has nothing to do with you. They could be in a mood, rushing somewhere, or maybe they just sterotype people because they’re not very smart or kind. Everyone is deeply insecure and some people are more obsessed with doing whatever makes them rich and popular. So many celebrities and well known geniuses were ostracized. If you take a step back it’s almost laughable how dumb people will really just bully people for being smart and creative. It comes from a place of jealousy. How do I know? People who bullied me in high school have tried to become my friend and followed me online asking for advice or confessing their deep insecurities to me bc I listen. Most of doing things is having the confidence to do them. Don’t let it get to you. Keep trying. Today I was walking to my college orientation w some guy so I started to make conversation. I asked him his major he said business and real estate. “Oh wow good for you that’s cool!” I said with enthusiasm reminding myself that not everyone who does business and real estate fits the sterotype. He asked me mine so I said Environmental science. He scoffed at me. Does that mean that environmental science is dumb? No! We just have different goals and perspectives on life. He wants to make money and I want to help people and animals. Talking to a therapist was the best thing for me. There are also resources online on communication but some things are better to learn 1 on 1. People want to help. People want to be your friend but you have to just keep putting yourself out there. This world is so hard for people who struggle with autism or adhd or anxiety or anything else that makes socializing harder. This is why my small friend group is people who have at least one of those things because we understand each other without judgement or hatred. You could be a delicious apple pie but there will always be those people who don’t like apple pie and throw it on the ground for fun. I’ve suffered so much for so long trying to prove myself to everyone. The thing is that friendships that have helped me grow weren’t based on the weird shit everyone else bases friendship on like drugs, money, popularity etc. Spending time around 2-3 people who love me for who I am helped me realize I am very likable and have a lot of great traits. If people are not even going to give you a chance just remember you’re not the one who’s friends with a ton of people you don’t even like and who talk shit about you behind your back while using you. If they don’t wanna be your friend good riddance, but don’t assume and don’t stop trying to make friends. ❤️
Let me tell you something. You are good enough. Repeat it after me. I am good enough. I feel the same way sometimes. You are part of this Earth and that’s what makes you belong. You are of great value and good enough.