My girlfriend (F24) and me (M26) and two other friends was eating at a restaurant. My phone was almost drained so I asked the staff if I could leave my phone with them and charge it. When I was finished with the meal I saw something sport related on the tv and wanted to check out a referee decision I didn’t manage to see the outcome of because we had a conversation. I saw that the team had scored later and was wondering if it was because of the controversial episode that happened 10 minutes earlier. I turned to my girlfriend who was still eating and kinda rushingly asked “Hey can I check something on your phone?”. My girlfriend responded with an unpleasant and strict “No, I am eating”.
To me that was very rude of her to respond to me with such a tone and annoyance. Later when I confronted her about this in private, she tells me I was rude because you shouldn’t interrupt someone when they are eating and that her response was justifiable. According to her everyone would think this way, and I disagree. I don’t want to be talked this way by a partner and she thinks a partner shouldn’t ask this.
What is the general, objective opinion on this issue?
TLDR: My girlfriend got annoyed and strict with me when I asked to check something on her phone, and I don’t think this is okay while she thinks it wasn’t okay to ask while she was still eating.
Edit: This is not about “being on the phone is rude while eating” or “she was mad because you watched the sports game”. We have talked about this and the problem is simple. Is it rude to ask a partner to borrow their phone to check anything out quick? Or is it rude to respond to your partner strictly telling them no, because you are eating.
16 comments
She was probably annoyed that you were spending more time watching sports on the TV than being present for dinner with her and your friends, then wanted her to stop what she was doing so you could check on the game.
She was eating, don’t bother her with nonsense unrelated to the meal.
I don’t have that view towards eating, although I do sometimes with other people would be more social and less on their phones when doing something social like eating, so I have some sympathy towards that view. But she still should not have replied with a rude tone. And if she has an issue with your action, which she does, you two should talk about it. If she wants meal times to not be interrupted in certain ways, she should express that as her preference, not a universal given, and then ask whether you can agree to that for her sake. And then you can say yes, no, or a partial yes discussing details of how it would work. She can accept your answer or you two can decide you are incompatible as she wants something you are uncomfortable with.
Basic relationship skills means not assuming your view is the view, and civilly discussing your desires and coming to agreements together.
It’s her phone, not yours. She’s allowed to say no.
It is rude to interrupt someone’s meal and demand access to their possessions.
Your desire to learn look up a sports tidbit is not an emergency. It would have harmed you zero to patiently wait.
I think it’s rude to check your phone at the tabl ewhen people are eating.
you guys were having a meal with friends in public. it is not an emergency to check sports results. she probably just wanted you to be engaged and not distracting from the activity.
You were out to dinner with your girlfriend. But the TV and looking up sports were more important to you than paying attention to her? What was so important that it couldn’t wait till after dinner?
No, she wasn’t rude. You were.
How did you bring up the subject to her? Did you plain call her rude or say you personally felt (enter emotion) because of how she reacted? Both your actions can be perceived as rude so it is better to communicate how you feel than to accuse, especially when it’s a minor issue like this one.
Anyways, my objective opinion is she is allowed to say no especially in the context. I don’t think it was rude to ask if everyone was using their phones during the dinner. It is understandable to not want to be spoken to in an abrasive manner, so I don’t think you’re wrong for bringing it up in general.
Yes, she was very rude. My husband and I borrow each other’s phones frequently, whether we are eating or not. So I have to wonder what is she trying to hide?
Honestly you both are being childish here.
If my bf asked me to check my phone, I would probably ask him to wait until I finished my bite and then let him do it. If, for whatever reason, I was feeling particularly annoyed at him and snapped – maybe he was trying to rush me as I was trying to eat – we would talk about it. He wouldn’t chastise me like a child, or some sort of subservient “you do not speak with me in that tone mr.” maid; we would *talk* about it. “Hey, you snapped earlier which I really didn’t appreciate – why did you do that?”, and then I would tell him and we would come to a solution. Easy as that.
Obviously whether or not its rude to ask for someone’s phone, or whether or not they can check something on their phone, depends on the context. But based on your replies, you don’t care about context you just want to be right. If your girlfriend finds it rude, why would you do it? You clearly don’t want her speaking to you or treating you in manners you find rude.
Which country did that scene take place? From a European perspective, obviously YOU were the rude one. I mean- being in a group still eating (!) at an actual restaurant (!), interrupting her eating for the sole purpose of being rude= trying to check sports results while being social with friends..? Table manners, anyone?
I do think your trying to say she scolded you in front of friends. I get that can be embarrassing and all. Had she redirected you nicely to the conversation at the table would that have been an acceptable outcome? Personally m not so hung up on people checking their phones, although I typically keep mine away during meals out.
Keep that shit up and I see you being very single.
You’re out with your girl and friends. Enjoying a meal. Company etc. In the middle of dining, you’re paying attention to a sporting event. So concerned about a ref call, you wish to google it. Interrupting her dinner and demonstrating what a rude and thoughtless hump you are.
Dude, get a grip.
Lol – GF is a walking red flag. I have never heard or seen this type of response to someone asking this question and everyone of course is rushing to justify her behaviour
Op, put a pin in this. Women can wash the sin of cheating off their bodies with a war shower then find a way to blame you for it
Everyone in these comments are being weird lol. It’s totally okay to be on your phone at an informal dinner – especially if everyone around is. Looking up something right quick on her phone shouldn’t be that serious. I would say she’s rude or maybe had other reasoning for telling you no. You probably could’ve told her your reasoning for wanting to see the phone, but saying no like that just makes me think it’s for different reasons other than dinner
I think you were both rude. I’m not sure about other people, but I’m also extremely annoyed if you interrupt me while I’m eating for something that isn’t emergency or urgent. She should’ve used nicer tone too. No need to snap at your SO.