So, I (26F) had sex three times now with a couple different guys and I have to say that it was a big disappointment. This is what people lust for? Write songs about? Fight over? It literally doesn’t feel like anything. And I don’t just mean the penetration. No part of the process feels good. I had to fake pleasure every time. I did it three times because I kept thinking “ok, maybe the next time will actually feel good” but it’s been a let-down three times now. I just want to say that sex is WAYYY overhyped in society. I can’t believe I waited this long for it. It’s not worth it and I don’t think I’ll ever do it again. 0/10 would not recommend.
Original post:
Why am I still a virgin? (26F)
I’ve been lamenting about my virginity here for a couple of years now. Obviously nothing has changed. It just bothers me that I don’t share this experience that humans have been engaging in for thousands of years. It’s everywhere, but for some reason, I’m not included. I don’t know why.
Is it APPEARANCE?: I’m Black (maybe that’s the problem?) I’m of average height and athletic build. I’m not a 10 or anything, but I’ve seen people all along the spectrum of beauty have romantic/sexual partners.
PERSONALITY?: I feel that I’m a good balance of reserved and talkative. I give what the situation calls for. I’m not completely over-the-top and outgoing, but I’m also not a recluse. I’m not a smiley Miley nor do I go around mean-mugging everyone. But again, I’ve seen people all along THIS spectrum have partners.
HYGIENE?: This isn’t an issue. I bathe and groom myself regularly.
WORK/LIFE BALANCE?: I feel like this really shouldn’t be an issue. People have relations with co-workers all the time. Some even meet their significant others through their job!
I do music and other stuff outside of work along with some other hobbies.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have half a mind to find someone to hang out with me for a few days so that they can get a social sample of me and tell me what my deficiencies are to my face.
Also: I know that y’all are going to have the urge to tell me to use dating apps or to go to bars/clubs, etc. There HAS to be more to adult life than those things. There just has to be.
EDIT: How did y’all meet your significant other/past sexual partners?
38 comments
I’m sorry your experiences were not good but trust me, that’s not the universal experience. I think most women have had numerous instances of bad/horrific sex, but there is also mindblowingly good sex. There’s a learning curve and each partner is also different. It takes time and practice to learn your own body and learn the other person’s body and them to learn yours. VERY few people have the best sex ever with a brand new partner. Giving up because of 3 lackluster experiences is, IMO, foolish. There is wonderful sex to be had it just takes time and effort.
You might be asexual. It happens.
Those dudes might also have been terrible in bed. It happens too.
Do you feel sexual desire for other people? Or do you feel it was just intelectual curiosity for sex you had?
Most men are bad at sex because they don’t get to practice it much. Also you are absolutely contributing to the problem by faking an orgasm which makes guys go home and high five their buddies and talk about their awesome dick game, when In fact they were doing all the wrong things.
I think the first 20 times I had sex I didn’t feel any pleasure. I had to figure out what to do and how to relax in order for it to work.
Do even know your own body and what to do to make it pleasurable for yourself?
Like if you are expecting a guy to go in get you off you are in for a bad time
Two things are probably happening. 1, you’ve built up the idea so much that it was bound to be a disappointment and 2, most people suck at most things – sex isn’t unique there.
My suggestion is to not go for sex any more and go for making out. If the person you’re making out with isn’t driving you absolutely wild with how they’re kissing and touching you, don’t bother. IMHO, kissing is a great filter for who’s going to be worth a shit in bed and who isn’t. If a girl doesn’t kiss well, I’m out.
It felt empty because it was. You, them or both of you were just having sex. If there’s no deep emotion and connection behind it then that’s all it is. Maybe you have a connection problem and not a sex problem.
What makes it so special for me is that I’m doing it with a person I love. I never had sex with a random, but i did kiss some strangers and it felt like kissing a wall, but when i kiss my boyfriend it feels amazing because I actually love him. Same thing with sex. And if you’re having sex with a person you love and are dating you both learn and explore each other’s bodies and make it get better each time
lol
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Maybe you just aren’t that into sex… idk but
I hope u find someone who does a good job and “good job” is just someone compatible with you. It takes time. Keep having sex if you’re attracted to the people.
So you “had sex three times now with a couple different guys”… honestly it sounds like you are the one that’s bad at sex! Hard to imagine you even had sex at all.
>It literally doesn’t feel like anything. And I don’t just mean the penetration. No part of the process feels good.
Do you feel pleasure when you masturbate?
Sex feels best when you love someone and they care about your pleasure .
Hookup sex does nothing for me. 60% of straight women cum in relationships
And hint hint: NEVER fake it. Tell him it sucks so he can try something else
Ive had sex w lots of dudes. Out of 50 maybe 5 made me cum and 3 of those were actual relationships
Ever put any thought into perhaps being ace?
Because you gotta do it with someone you love. That’s what makes it great. That first time you make love to someone you really care for and your body’s just click. That shits wild.
As a female 28F, I don’t understand the concept of “mind-blowing sex.” Sex has never been that pleasureable to me either. I get off more talking about it than actually doing it. The fantasy of it all is a lot better than the reality. I’m with you, and I had my share of sexual partners. Whether you love a person or don’t it all the same.
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“… had sex three times now with a couple different guys and I have to say that it was a big disappointment. This is what people lust for? Write songs about? Fight over? It literally doesn’t feel like anything.”
Rarely is having sex the “first few times” mind-blowing for most people.
In fact, sex is one of those things which gets better when the person knows how to please themself and how to get others to do what they need to get off and vice versa.
People who lay back and expect others to “make the magic happen” won’t likely have the best experience possible. If someone is *unable to give themself* an orgasm sex with a partner won’t help.
Secondly, the first few times some people have sex they aren’t able to “relax”.
They tend to “overthink” about what the other person is thinking about them and so on.
Having said that some people are better lovers than others and put in more effort to please their partners whether it’s engaging in more foreplay (manual/oral).
(Some women state they can only have orgasms through *clitoral stimulation not* penetration.)
If your partner knows this how you climax, they and put more effort into making it happen.
Nevertheless, *if you can’t bring yourself to orgasm* when masturbating others aren’t likely to either.
Last but not least everyone does not enjoy having sex and some people have lower libidos.
Generally speaking, when someone experiences having their first orgasm they usually want more. Well at the very least you can scratch off *having sex* from your bucket list.
Mastering the art of experiencing orgasms whether alone or with a partner might be next.
Best wishes!
You could be demisexual or asexual 🤷🏾♀️
Boys have sex, Men make love
I’m not even going to lie. I don’t last long, especially if it’s been like a week. I just stimulate quickly. So when I was married, if she was in the mood, I’d get her off first with oral/finger. Made the sex 10 times better. Sometimes, I would finish and keep going till she would get hers in. That imo is the difference between getting some and making love. Find you a guy that wants to get you off.
Sexual compatibility, for me, is incredibly important in a relationship. Having the same/compatible kinks, being comfortable in discussing them, acting them out.
But it has to be in a relationship for me. I’ve tried hooking up, and it was terrible. I didn’t feel anything, and regretted it. Hell, I couldn’t even finish.
But with my partner at the time? Bliss. Was much less about the act, and far more about the connection. About the dynamic. The trust. The comfort.
You need someone that will make you feel special in that moment.
Of course, that’s not enough without knowing how to please each other.
Which comes back to being comfortable with each other. Communication is key. You need to learn how to make each other feel good. So talk about it! Over time, and plenty of communicating, you get to learn each others bodies.
On top of that, if you’re struggling, there’s no shame in trying new things! Like toys in the bedroom if you’re both comfortable with it.
But all this boils down to being in a relationship. You cannot have this with random hook ups. Find yourself someone you’re compatible with. (Not just on a sexual level obviously) And work your way from there.
I was 24 before a man rocked my world while I can’t garrantee it will happen I can say not every guy gets you off. Personally your better off with toys. But whatever you decide good luck. Oh and if all else fails your 30’s could possibly drive insane with horniness whether you want it or not.
Been with my bf over a year. It sucks lol I’m with you I do NOT get it
…because you’re a troll. Troll are typically ugly.
Loving somebody usually tends to work a little better
Random sex with random people doesn’t excite me either. I only really enjoy it in a loving relationship. Having emotions involved makes a big difference.
I was a virgin when I got married. I was 26 back then, it took more than 4 months before I finally enjoy sex. Penetration sex is not really enjoyable for me. Good thing hubby knows how to pleasure me in some other ways.
So I say you won’t really enjoy sex initially.
You’re only 26 and I’m getting an incredibly negative and defeatist attitude over it all, both the update and the before. People typically aren’t into people who give off those types of vibes. But you do you.
I wonder if it’s possible you could be asexual? Sex just isn’t desirable for some people. There’s Ace communities out there that even have a sexual dating scenes, so if sex isn’t for you but romance is, you can still find a happy relationship that doesn’t include sex.
I’m sorry you didn’t like your experiences, I hope that you at least feel like you learned really valuable information about yourself that you can use to build the perfect life for you!
i think sometimes the hype is less about the physical sensations of the sex itself, and more to do with the dopeamine rush of finding someone who wants to have sex with you. we live in a very validation hungry society these days.
that aside, some people are just more sexual than others, some are hyper sexual and cant get enough of it, and maybe you are on the other end of that spectrum
You found guys that maybe don’t know only how to fuck(mechanics) but also don’t how to have sex mentally with you
It’s a shame you felt such overwhelming pressure to do it that you ended up doing It badly under the wrong circumstances,
Try to find someone you love deeply and find a real emotional connection before having sex, sex can be great once you are emotionally and physically ready and experienced in what you like and feel safe and comfortable.
umm, wtf did I read?
Honestly sounds like you just hooked up with some boring guys who just wanted to bust one off and didn’t give a shit about your enjoyment. Have you ever had an orgasm before?
DO NOT fake pleasure. Let them know that you aren’t enjoying it.
It’s not that big a deal, it’s just like everything else in life.
Some people will wail about how good bacon is, how good a TV show is, how “cool” a certain brand of shoe is, and it can all mean nothing to someone who doesn’t eat pork, doesn’t care about TV, and wears unbranded clothes.
Here’s the same conclusion I find myself commenting on this sub a lot; we all like different things.