Hi everyone! I’ve got a specific thing I need help with socially.
My main thing is just being a less talkative person in general, but I’ve been getting gradually better at just saying what’s on my mind so conversations are easier to start.
But, what I feel like I absolutely suck at is when I’m hanging out with friends and it’s late and I want to go back to my dorm, or if the hangout is at my dorm, telling them that I’m tired and would like for them to leave.
And, when I am in the process of leaving (putting my shoes on, gathering my belongings), I almost seem too focused on doing such tasks that I just go quiet and say nothing, which (in my world) makes for very awkward moments when I’m leaving.
I end up overstaying just about every hangout because I start overthinking what I’m going to say without making it sound like I’ve been dying to leave since I arrived.
I love hanging out with friends and going to bars and stuff, but when I’m there I usually don’t have a lot of stuff to say. I’m sure that’s a pretty mutual thing.
But what I need to learn how to do is tell my buddies that I’m tired and need to call it a night in a charismatic way, without making them feel like I’m rushing them out or I’m just loathing the time I’m spending with them, neither of which are ever the case. I feel like it could be as easy as just saying “Alright guys, I’m ready to wrap up for the night”, but how do you deliver it? I’m so careful to make sure I’m interpreted right, and I just don’t want my friends to feel like “Oh, well, fine. We’ll leave then. Have fun without us, I guess.”
2 comments
You’re struggling with the Midwestern goodbye. Just say on what’s up. Give a warning like, I’m getting tired. I’m going to leave in about ten minutes. Then get ready and continue talking. You’ll usually go a little later than you hoped but just remind them at a lull in conversation that you’re going to head out and go.
What I like to do is before the hangout I mention something I need to do later. If it’s in the evening I’ll always say “I have to wake up early for … “. Or in the day I’ll say “I need to be back to do my groceries before the shops close” or something.
And a little before I would like to leave, I’ll mention it again like “oh I should probably leave before I’m late to do …”. So that when I leave, they understand?
You could use homework or studying or that you need to call x or anything like that