So me (29m) and my partner (28f) has been together for 2 years now. And there has been amazing moments and terrible moments. But I think I have come to the conclusion to get off this roller-coaster.
The relationship has truly been one of the most interesting experiences of my life. But I can’t do it anymore. Every fight turns into me having to either apologize for going into freeze mode or apologizing/defending my birth family (they are by no means perfect people but they are wonderful in my probably biased eyes).
The whole christmas was spent arguing and fighting about my family and yet again that our relationship is stagnant atm. We spent the first part of christmas at my sisters place and on christmas day we had a huge fight because my partner doesnt like my nephews, who for sure can be loud, but she makes it sound like kids should be obedient little robots. She called them horrible and talked about my Sister being a shit Mother and so on. After that she went on about how i i didnt take her feelings into account when I offered to pick my other Sister up at the airport a couple of hours away on christmas day (when this was agreed on my partner even had other plans for christmas and was gonna spend it volontering at a farm).
I have realised i am very unhappy in my relationship and I have taken way more responsibility for my partners feelings than i should. But I don’t know how to stop, I am stuck in some kind of “helper-mode” and the thought of leaving my partner at this state feels so shitty since she has depression and had a borderline episode again.
TLDR, I’m unhappy in my relationship but dont know how to get out of it. It is breaking me and I don’t know what to do.
Please help, any tip at all I’m grateful for.
2 comments
Break up and ghost all that can make you remember her.
Time is a limited resource don’t waste it and make her waste it as well.
Best of luck
I’m reminded of the song “Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover” 😉
More seriously – I sympathize. It sounds like an exhausting relationship to be in, and it’s really simple to get out of it.
“I can’t be in a relationship with you any more. We don’t work together, and I’m out”. And then separate (if you’re living together) and cut contact. Don’t go the route of “let’s be friends” – she sounds judgemental, demanding, and, as I said, exhausting.
Good on you for recognizing that you’re unhappy. The cool thing about being single is getting time to work on understanding yourself and why you were okay for 2 years of an exhausting relationship. Take time to connect with yourself and to intentionally decide what it is that you do and do not want in your life. Take time to be alone with yourself and be okay with it. I promise you that knowing that you’re okay alone is the single biggest factor in recognizing and noping out of toxic relationships.
If you want to break up with her, just do it. It’s kinder than letting things limp along. But be forthright with her about the breakup. Too many men just let things get worse and worse until she breaks up with him. Don’t do that.
Good luck, OP – knowing that you’re unhappy, and making changes to fix that is an awesome skill to have and exercise. Good on you for leveling up.