I posted this in another sub under my throwaway. That was when I had hoped he might come around. We’ve broken up before (he is very anxious avoidant type) and he always comes back and tells me he loves me. This is the first time he’s ever done it like this.
We’ve been in and out and through the same cycles for 2 years. We still love eachother but life has put us in a situation where its just not happening.
To be honest, he hasn’t treated me well enough recently. He can for a little while but it doesn’t last. I’m just not his first priority anymore. I can handle that, as he’s a fair bit younger than me and I agree that it’s important he spreads his wings. He will come over and be besotted and we are all over eachother, then he will go out with his friends and not bother texting or talking to me for days. I’ve found myself walking on eggshells so much because if I stand up for myself, he will vanish for weeks. I think I’ve spent the last year trying to get back what he had our first year. Riding motorbikes through the countryside and telling eachother our every secret. Weve also had some amazing times even last week. Bubble baths together, great sex, falling asleep wrapped in eachother.
Over Christmas we barely saw eachother and he spent a lot of time with his friends (who are also my dad’s friends, long story). Whenever I see him in the bar my dad owns he ignores me but will show up at my house afterwards and be perfect again. I figured he just felt awkward with PDA with my dad around. I recently found out that my dad and their mutual friends have had no idea that we are a couple this entire time. He has told them I’m just a crazy stalker and he’s not interested. At the same time as telling me I’m the love of his life. This broke me. I feel completely worthless.
I’ve been throwing up a lot the last few days and I figured it was my anxiety with the breakup. On a whim, I did a test and holy shit I’m pregnant. One of our major issues all of this time is that this exact situation happened with us and the first time we broke up and I had an abortion without telling him and he can’t forgive me. I have no idea if I should contact him. My head is spinning.
Edit: I decided this situation was enough for me to reach out. For ethical reasons, and because I just wanted to be held by my man even for a second. I am blocked on everything so couldn’t contact him myself. A friend contacted him on my behalf and he just left it on read. I guess he’s taking his NC very seriously. Although this breaks my heart more than I knew was possible, this attitude from him will help me recover in the future.
Update: he finally called when i ended up breaking down and admitting everything to my dad. I think he was on speaker because he denied our entire relationship ever happened. Literally said he’d never even been to my house and has no idea what I’m talking about. I am broken. My best friend is a person that never even existed. I am empty and worthless and alone.
Tl;dr: the guy I thought really loved me has been denying our entire relationship, and I’ve just found this out at the same time as I found out I’m pregnant.
8 comments
Your situation is pretty difficult. Right now the best help is not being alone. Reach a family member of trust and talk your heart out . Even get help if you can’t cope with the pregnancy.
Best of luck
Wow, what an absolutely terrible thing you are going through. I’m so sorry. You have some big decisions you need to make for yourself and your future. If and when he decides to manipulate you again in the future, hopefully you have enough evidence to know he is not a good partner who will make you feel safe. I hope you have good friends and family to lean on, and maybe reach out to a therapist if you feel you need it. No one deserve to be made to feel like they are nothing.
Time to turn away from your ex and towards people who actually give a damn about you.
I am sorry, sweetie, but it feels a little bit like you have some things in your mind that are not 100% real. I think you interpreted more in something than being there. Are you still sober? Are you still suffering with ptsd?
It sounds like he sees you as a booty call and he is saying the right things to keep you coming back. If he wanted to be with you, in a real relationship he would.
Edit because it’s nagging me: his “attachment issues” aren’t YOUR problem to fix. It might be an explanation (although, having dated a few guys like him, I stand by my first guess of he’s using you for sex and is aware that you like to hear the loving words etc so he says it to get what he wants), but his mental health issues or trauma or attachment problems are HIS problem. HE needs to work on it before trying to date anyone. You can’t say magic words and fix him, and it’s not your job to fix anyone else.
What are you planning to do about the pregnancy?
He sounds like a complete bum and very toxic and it doesn’t sound like a baby in this type of environment is going to be good for either you or the baby. Just be glad he’s finally shown you’re worth much more, I had the same with an ex partner that lasted 8 years. Although she ended up pregnant with her ex partner, that was a fun one to explain how my same sex partner has become pregnant!
Do what’s best for future you and future relationships, the right partner is only around the corner!
Ps; You’re never alone we’re always here! I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this with him sweetie. Wishing you peace and blessings!
Get an abortion and block him everywhere.