When did you stop getting into emotionally abusive relationships?

11 comments

1. Set the standards EARLY ON and cut people off the moment you notice even small sighs of emotional abuse.

   You teach people how to treat you. If someone treats you poorly and you just accept it you’re giving them the green light to continue to mistreat you.

   You need to care/love yourself enough to step away from people who do not treat you well. I think a large part of this is learning to be comfortable being alone. If you are comfortable being alone you are less afraid to leave bad relationships.

2. I don’t think anyone can help getting into emotionally abusive relationships because the abuse usually gradually occurs over time, after they already have you on their hook.

   But I learned when to leave. When I first started seeing red flags, I’d be outta there.

   It only took one emotionally/sexually abusive relationship ending for me to learn that I didn’t ever want to go through that again, so I never risked it – never gave men with numerous red flags the benefit of the doubt cause it just wasn’t worth damaging my mental health/physical health over hoping they’d end up being a good guy.

   Edit: you asked for ages, so I was 15-16 when I was in my first emotionally/sexually abusive relationship.

3. I don’t think there’s an age. It’s more about doing the work to figure out why you enter into emotionally abusive relationships, when to leave/what signs to look for, etc.

4. There isn’t an age for it. Abusive people can smell those who fall for their shit. All you can do is help yourself be less susceptible to their manipulations, which involves self-reflection and likely some therapy.

5. I’ll let you know when I get there.

6. I started to value myself and learned that even if someone is usually lovely and loving, and even if there’s a logical reason *why* they would lash out, it still wasn’t okay for them to do it. If someone treats me badly, I stopped apologizing for making them feel that way if their reaction is disproportionate.

   The harder part was learning that I had picked up emotionally abusive coping mechanisms and behaviors and had become the abusive partner. I was paranoid and controlling of future, healthy partners. I would cry to make them stop upsetting me (even if what they were saying/doing was realistically a correct or healthy thing for them to do, all conflict would remind me of previous, abusive partners, so I’d cry to end discussions). I had no sense of boundaries.

   It’s easier to learn to keep other people from treating you badly than to unlearn your own behaviors. For a long time, I had to take a step back and thoroughly analyze my emotions to make sure I was being logical and proportional to the situation. I still have to do that, as should everyone, but it’s not nearly as hard as it was when I first started.

   My current partner broke up with me years ago because of who I was. There was no reason for him to give me a second chance. Realistically, he shouldn’t have. But I’m glad for it, so is he, and we both think that I’m just a good partner in life to have now.

7. It’s not about age, it’s about loving and cherishing yourself enough to realize you deserve to be treated withove and respect.

8. When I understood the signs of an emotional abusive relationship. Now I shut that down real quick.

9. I don’t think there’s a specific age. Just lessons learned. Some are lucky enough to be taught about self worth, boundaries, and red flags by their parents or friends at a young age. Others have to learn the hard way. I learned the hard way in a relationship that started when I was 24 and ended at 27. I hope it was enough to help guide me away from them in the future, or at least enable me to leave sooner. It’s tricky because most abusers are very good at faking love and kindness until you’re stuck with them in some way or hooked. That’s just part of the abusive cycle.

   Age doesn’t matter, just willingness to learn from your mistakes, “do the work” as they say, and resolve whatever trauma may have made you susceptible or attractive to an abusive person.

10. When I stopped dating 😕

11. Emotional abuse can be found anywhere and can creep up on you. Keep an eye out for the signs. I think there’s a chance for it at any age