Recently I’ve been really getting into chess as I love how mentally demanding and punishing it is compared to any other game. I was talking to a co-worker who also shares a passion for the game and I mentioned I had thought about joining a chess club to further my understanding and enjoy the game with other enthusiasts. Another coworker (female) overheard this and exclaimed that it would do me no favors (insinuating that it wouldn’t help me “getting laid”) .
Even though I realize the stereotype that maybe the typical members of a chess club are not always the most hygienic, this really irks me as some people judge the value of someones character or at least social hierarchy on something as trivial as a hobby.
This is a phenomenon I have noticed with MOST actual hobbies or interests. Typically when you ask people if they have any hobbies they’ll just say “hanging out with friends” or “shopping” or “watching tv/football” which are all things literally anybody does to some degree and most enjoy. Maybe some people are really are this mundane, but for most it feels like they are trying to conceal their true interests for fear of being judged. I know this because I’ve done that before (which I’ve been trying to avoid as I get older) and the people I have gotten closer to turn out to been more interesting then they first make themselves out to be.
I find this all really odd considering most people will say they value a person who is at least a little interesting. What I’m wondering is why most people will belittle someone for being zealous about anything that’s not a common activity? Why do hobbies seem to be put on a spectrum of least “weird” to most “weird”? Why do people feel guilty about sharing certain hobbies or interests they have when meeting new people? I thought this sort of phenomenon was exclusive to children but it seems like behavior some people will carry into adulthood.
Or idk maybe this is all in my head.
3 comments
Some hobbies are more valued by society than others, usually it’s determined by cultural norms or expectations. Like if the base expectation of being a “respectable person” is being In Shape and Able-bodied, then having a hobby that shows off your physical prowess as somehow above average is seen as more desirable.
So even if you’re fairly skinny and don’t use any physical aides, but all you do is “flex your brain” by playing chess, reading books, partaking in math quizzes or table top gaming, then…by comparison to somebody who does Snow Boarding, Dead-lifting, & etc, then it’s going to appear as though you don’t really care that much about your physical body (hence the unhygienic stereotypes).
Ironic considering a chess player could also be into body building, but I digress.
Interestingly, those who struggle with hygiene are usually some flavor of autistic or adhd, or even both, and people like that are usually undervalued by society as well. Not that you struggle with that or that you’re au/adhd, but I figured it is something worth mentioning because the ones who are like “haha you should try getting laid” are usually the types who make fun of neurodivergent people.
Imo the hobbies that make you attractive are the ones that provide social proof. Chess isn’t really valued by most people, where as playing guitar or something is more so – and thus is more attractive.
So we have our interests, hobbies, and passions. Let’s define them. Interests are subjects you enjoy learning about. Hobbies are things you like to do. And passions are interests and hobbies turbo-charged.
You asked, “why do people feel guilty about sharing certain hobbies?” My answer is, it depends on how well you know someone. What is more, if you’re sharing your hobbies with someone new, I believe there would be a lack of emotional safety between you and another person. Emotional safety means that you’re confident bringing up any sort of issues without the fear of being shutdown, ridiculed, or judged.
More tellingly, I think it’s very important to keep in mind that we should be authentic, honest, and true to ourselves when discovering our interests, hobbies, and passions. It’s important to listen to your heart and follow your path in life. Do NOT let anyone else tell you who you should be or what you should do. Only you know what is best for you. All the best.