Hey,
as the title implies, I am not very confident in my sexual abilities and am scared of talking to girls at bars because I am scared I will dissapoint them if we ended hooking up.
I had a girlfriend whith whom I could gather experiences and she seemed to enjoy it but i doubt myself since i was her first bf and therefore she had no one to compare.
Do you have any advice how I can become more confident (except just going for it, tried it throughout the past months and I am starting to lose hope)?
2 comments
A couple of things that might help:
Firstly open, honest, communication is literally a super power when it comes to sex. Like if you really want to please a woman in bed just ask her what she likes and then do it. I know it sounds stupidly simple but it really is that easy. She knows her own body 100x better than you ever will and you can get real time feedback as you go.
So yeah really learning to get comfortable around talking about sex, needs, desires, fantasies, hopes, stds, protection, care etc. It seriously makes it all a lot easier.
Secondly the thing to cultivate is vibes. Like once someone feels safe they can relax, and once they are relaxed they can start to feel aroused. So your main job isn’t to have “sexual abilities” it’s to make someone feel super safe, make sure they’re ok, look after them, be careful with their boundaries and with consent, always make sure they get home safe etc.
Like if someone has a safe and relaxed evening that’s kind of boring that’s completely fine. It’s when it’s not safe that you get problems.
you cant get better without practice
if you tell yourself you’re going to be nervous and fail, you will always get nervous and fail
confident people don’t walk around thinking they’re a loser