(28M)
This question isn’t meant to be gender specific.
I was once talking to someone (it didn’t work out) and my friend said I texted her too much and that he only texts to make and consolidate plans.
I was only responding to her. But learning from this, I try to avoid texting.
So much can go wrong:
You either text too much and it puts people off
Or text too little and it seems like you’re not interested
You can misinterpret texts, you can think they’re not into you when they are or think they are when they’re not.
The power of group consensus.
Thanks
In general, what do you think is text etiquette?
5 comments
I think you’re absolutely right – it is easy to overthink. And from my observations, it seems like texting is one more thing that people need to be compatible with and that of course means another hoop to jump through one way or the other.
I’ve many times been thankful that texting wasn’t an option during my dating years. My heart really goes out to modern daters.
Texting is just another form of communication. Planning and schedules require precision, so it is a great tool for that.
But ultimately, it depends on the two parties in question. If both prefer texting rather than a phone call or an email, then text.
Don’t box yourself in and say: this is the only way I’ll communicate.
I believe that texting should only be used with a purpose that doesn’t require a phone call i.e. asking a question, planning a date or hangout, needing information about something, or even light flirting/thinking of you texts from time to time.
Where people mess up at is ‘small talk’ where you’re essentially texting back and forth with no real goal or intention which almost always fizzles out into nothing. Asking what they’re doing and following up with asking what show, what they’re eating, what’s their favorite color etc. It’s boring and doesn’t build towards anything.
Its an unwinnable scenario imo. Different people have different backgrounds and respond to texts wildly different.
Not even being extremely clear can stop it. Because its sort of out of your hands. Other person will craft whatever narrative they are inclined to.
I (25F) personally like checking in on friends/fam regularly (telling them to take care, asking how their day was/if they need to talk), talking on and off throughout the work day (with those who are also in equally chill jobs), so that’s my texting style.
I don’t enjoy small talk with ppl I’m dating (‘What are you eating’, ‘Where are you now’), but I enjoy sending and receiving daily messages, even just a simple ‘all the best for your work today’, a sticker or emoji to show that I’m thinking of them.
But recently I’ve been seeing a very busy lawyer (26M) and he barely texts, which is causing me serious doubt that he’s into me. We used to have long 20-30msg convo threads (never real-time though, cause of our contrasting sleep schedules) for the first 3 weeks or so, but now it’s died down to msgs once every few days + meeting once a week.
Personally, the lack of texting (even 1 msg a day is good enough) irks me and causes me significant feelings of insecurity, but I’d recommend just asking the person (1) What their usual texting style with other ppl is and (2) checking their lvl of interest by asking directly, because I can’t read minds as much as I wish I could…