Just about a year ago, a mate of mine Let’s call him Ice was weirdly obsessed with me for some reason I don’t know. We rarely talked of course because he didn’t run in the same circles as I did. I don’t know how this happened because we all grew up together though we weren’t friends .

He is not the type of guy anyone would expect to do that .He has a gf, his cool friends gang and all that straight popular guys all do. While me in contrast is kinda the very opposite “not liked and outcasted by my mates due to weird rumors and plain homophobia not that ” I am gay for the record”

So Ice basically did all kinds of shit like ogling, grope me repeatedly and then proceed to attack and belittle me at any chance he got that made me feel so fucking uncomfortable. At first I dismiss it as a mere joke that was untill an certain incident happened that he bullied me : “tore my bread into pieces in front of me” for no reason at all and the very next moment no one was looking did the above in this paragraph.

I can’t even explain all the messed up things he did and I don’t know if you understand but everyday I woke up in the terror of what Ice will do next to me and played numb to all that.

Funny enough he didn’t even apologize. After that “tearing of bread into pieces” incident, he just stopped me at night to shake my hand..I don’t know if that is bro code for apology

After I left that environment,I continue to obsessed about those stuffs until I saw him again for a moment which weirdly made me stop obsessing about it and finally gain my lost innocence back .

And I can’t tell anyone cuz I am afraid they won’t take it seriously or just dismiss it. And I also come from a pretty very homophobic country so you can only imagine.
I feel that I can’t trust anyone really, the few people I told just plainly dismissed it as I am a guy and didn’t really take it seriously.. Almost like I am overreacting which I knew I wasn’t back then.

And back then I just wanted to tell someone, anyone but Alas I couldn’t find the courage to even do that..

Even the option of therapy won’t even solve that because I don’t even believe in such and we’ll it’s not practiced over here by the way.

I still feel that I lost my innocence and can never be the same and I hold it against him but I am trying to forgive him for all that.

But pls all this is coming from a pretty very conservative religious person, the Virgin to Marriage kind of guy or Virgin to death kind of guy. So pls be considerate in the comments section.

I will post the full incident if this post is approved though…..

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