Despite really wanting a romantic relationship I don’t think I’ll be comfortable dating for a long time because of my struggles with mental health. It’s difficult for me to even imagine myself dating someone without resorting to my partner as a coping mechanism/an escape from my problems. Although I’ve never dated before I kind of imagine it like alcohol in that it’s fine in moderation but if you use it in response to depression you’re just asking for trouble. This is all to say that my biggest fear with dating is that I’ll inevitably make my relationship with my partner toxic by becoming overly reliant on them to manage my depression. Even in terms of platonic relationships, I have no idea how to maintain a healthy relationship/what a healthy relationship really looks like.
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The idea of one day dating someone who I’m comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with is a dream of mine. If I ever become happy with where I am in life I want to feel validated by my partner but it seems like an extremely slippery slope between that and needing said partner to feel validated. Even from couples who seem like they got something good going (obviously this is just an outsider’s subjective observation but this looks to be the trend) I’ve commonly heard stuff like “I can’t imagine life without them” and “they make me feel complete.” These are the kind of things imaginary me would like to say about my potential future partner but upon reflection I feel deeply disturbed by how dependent I would be and how such an unhealthy dynamic might play out. Am I just projecting my insecurities onto others and that’s what’s blurring my judgement or am I missing something? How do long term successful couples maintain strong mental health independent of their partner or am I just completely off the mark and emotional dependance is normal in healthy romantic relationships?
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Thanks for reading! I really appreciate you taking the time to hear me out. Any feedback would mean the world to me! 😀
2 comments
Emotional vulnerability = being comfortable expressing how you feel to your partner.
Emotional reliance = *needing* your partner in order to cope with said emotions.
I.e. emotions should be shared, not dumped.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting and appreciating your partner’s support when you’re struggling and feeling emotional attachment to your partner. This is a normal part of a relationship. But it’s unreasonable and unfair to expect that partner to be solely responsible for regulating your emotions. There will be times when one partner is unavailable or dealing with their own challenges. It becomes a problem when one partner can’t cope with their emotions or challenges without their partner. It’s called a support *system* for a reason. Maintaining your own separate friendships is an important part of having a healthy long term relationship.
INFO: do you see a therapist and how old are you?