Im in my 20s and my great uncle said I should be married with kids by 25. Why is this the norm?

49 comments

  4. There is a certain mindset out there that you should have all your kids before your mid-20s while you still have all those bountiful reserves of youthful energy.

    That loud “Ha!” you just heard in the distance seemingly coming from every direction was brought to you courtesy of all those 25 year old and under parents of young children who are plain worn right the fuck out thinking about *”bountiful reserves of youthful energy”*.

  5. That might have been the norm when he was in his early 20s, but I don’t think it is now. Lots of people wait until after 25 to getting married and have kids. Do it when you’re ready to and not based on some artificial limits that someone sets.

  7. Maybe because that’s the new norm for adulthood whereas adulthood was considered to be 19 some 30 years ago its now closer to 25. He is quite progressive really, you don’t want to be left on the shelf do you? 😂

  8. Have you asked him why he thinks that? Really investigate and hold him to giving you a solid answer that isn’t rooted in tradition or some obsolete understanding of masculinity?

  9. He lived in a time when you settled hard. You got married to Bertha and had some fun before the fever took you.

    Taylor Tomlinson

  10. Back In The Day (TM) people married very young and had children very quickly. This is because reliable contraception didn’t exist until surprisingly recently, and it was culturally unacceptable to have sex before or outside of marriage. If you wanted to be in a serious relationship (which most humans do), it was marriage.

    People also tended to be more financially secure as a lot was cheaper relative to wages, and many women went directly from being children to being wives with nothing in between.

    Your great uncle was likely around for at least the tail end of the above. (Not saying that any of the above is necessarily a desirable setup, to be clear, just that it was A Thing)

  11. Because back in the old days it was financially possible to settle down and have kids before you turned 50.

  14. Lol your Great-Uncle can fuck right off.

    If I was married with kids by 25, it would have been with my first girlfriend. And don’t get me wrong, she’s a great person, but we caught up a couple of years ago (in my early-mid 30s) and found out we had very, very little in common.

    There’s a lot to be said for not pressuring yourself to do things by a given time, especially in relationships.

  19. Because your uncle is a dumbass. I got married at 23 and had kids by 25 and looking back I should ha e waited longer.

  20. I had kids early because family is all that will matter when I’m old, I only have 1 grandma and my parents left and granny is 90, mom and dad are 68 and 72.

  21. Enjoy your life… marriage and kids happen when they are supposed to….don’t live your life on previous generations expectations

  22. 30M, been single my whole life, mum keeps saying the same. My response was I’ll be 6ft in the ground before I have kids, it’s never happening. Because of that, it’s why I’m single.

  23. It’s not. Most young people aren’t having kids until their late 20s to early 30s, if they have kids at all. A lot of people are holding off until they’re more financially stable.

  25. Not anymore. When he was young that was the norm but a large majority of people don’t get married till their late twenties to their mid thirties.

  26. because back around 2015, the Grand Council of Men held a meeting and we all elected your uncle as the Chief Decider of Norms. sorry but i dont make the rules. your uncle ran a solid campaign and won fair and square

  27. Old folks had to do everything earlier because they aged faster due to poorer living conditions and healthcare.

  29. You say your great uncle is 65, his generation it would have been normal to marry young, my mum was 19 when she married my dad aged 23 and they were married for 57 years when my mum died, that said life back in the 1950’s people had less expectations.

  37. Nowadays, it’s not. If you look at the statistics the average ages of people getting married and people having kids have trended older and older. In part this is cultural, but it’s also financial – due to stagnant wage growth, inflation, student loans, and the massive increase in the cost of housing over the past fifty years, most people simply can’t afford to start a family that early.

    If you have the resources to make that happen by 25 you’ll have been *far* more successful than most people that age. I say this as someone *at* that point in my life.

  40. It was the norm in the U.S. years and years ago, in part because it was once possible for a lot of Americans to have a stable middle class lifestyle on one person’s income. As everything got more expensive and incomes didn’t keep up, it got harder and harder to have kids young, so people have been having them later and later. There is one silver lining, though. As the average age at marriage has gone up, the divorce rate has gone down because people aren’t just marrying the first person they date as much anymore.

  41. I guess that’s just how the older generation was brought up. Honestly, saying a man should have kids by 25 is sort of ridiculous bc a man could be fertile until he dies. His ability to produce offspring isn’t age-dependent. Saying a woman should have kids by 35 is sound advice bc the older you get, the more risky the pregnancy could be, so I could see how this advice could apply to a woman, but not really a man.

    Sometimes you just have to roll your eyes at the older folks.

  42. 20s is a bit young, 30s is better, 40s is pushing it and I started at 45 which I don’t recommend.

  44. A few thoughts for people to ponder.

    Women at age 30 are 50% less fertile.
    At 35, it’s considerably less.
    At 40, a first pregnancy will be tough.
    So, there is a sense of urgency.

    We don’t want any children.
    If that’s the case, the world will depopulate. So why is climate change so damn important.

  45. It was the norm in the 80’s but things started to change in the 90’s en mass. Now those belief’s have taken on a more extreme form.

    But if you look at more traditional families its still that way and their belief’s are continued.

    It really boils down to your partner, your situation in life, what you want in life and can you really afford it. Many choose not to for these reasons imo.

  48. I would push it back to 28 to be better off. Make sure you have a stable decent job. Have your bills down or gone and have experienced some life single.

  49. I’m 34 with 12, 11 and 10 year olds. I can assure it is not the norm. Most of my friends are just starting families now.

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