Hi, im a M20 and my father left us when I was 3 years old and my brother was unborn at that time. Dad was interested in seeing me at first (every other weekend as decided by court) but not long after and with some influence from his new gf he stop giving a F. So through my childhood i would see him only few times a year and that got even worse after he moved to different country (3 hour drive).
Despite all that we get along really well, we have the same sense of humor, interest etc. Now as you can imagine a single mother with 2 kids (one literally an infant) struggled for money quite a lot. The child support he paid per child (still pays for my younger brother) was $200. I got quite a few bad experiences from that, you know seeing your mom cry cause we had to borrow money from grandparents and stuff. (I don’t want to look entitled, i know people have much worse financial situations).
Now fast forward to me being 20 i always knew his new family (step brother and sister) had more money than us. I also knew there was something shady in the divorce process. Well I know work as an accountant, so i got curious and did some digging in his past. Turns out he transfered his company during the divorce to Panama (btw the company was involved in Panama Papers). I found out he makes about $500 000 a year.
Now I’m quite pissed off but don’t know if I should talk with him about it, since I’m worried he’ll get angry and stop talking to me.
TL;DR: Turns out my dad is a multi-millionare and paid $200 child support per kid, neglected us but still talks with us and seems to like us when we talk in person or call. Should I try to talk to him about it?
8 comments
You can talk to him about it, but it won’t likely accomplish anything…I mean if your pissed off at him you could probably tell him off, which I guess could temporarily make you feel better. Though it probably won’t have that much of an effect on him. If he doesn’t really care about you, there isn’t much you can do to make him feel bad, as he just wouldn’t care. I guess if he does care about you, potentially ignoring him could hurt his feelings. I’m not really sure what you want to accomplish though.
I wouldn’t say a word. I would go and get legal advise and then support your mother going to court to get her child payments adjusted and then taking legal action to get it backdated if its possible in your country.
Don’t mention it, once it goes to court, if he says anything, just ask why he is concerned. If he has been honest and done is legal obligation for his children to live a good life, then he has nothing to be concerned about.
What an arsehole. And you feel awkward and angry because he could have made your life easier and choose not to. I wouldn’t reward him with my presence.
What will be accomplished by talking to him? Probably nothing. I hate to say you are worried about him never talking to you again? He screwed your mother out of what was rightfully hers in the marriage but more importantly he screwed you kids!! This guy was rolling in the dough and his kids were hungry and he was steady having more. Your mom didn’t have enough money to feed you kids and relatives helped. You saw as a kid your mom crying and you worry about this guy not talking to you?. I don’t know if you are in the states so I don’t know about other countries laws and co don’t know if your mom is a fighter on this. You need to tell your mom and grandparents if you think they can help. I assume your mom’s parents? Tell your mother to either go back to her divorce attorney or get a new one if the first one wasn’t very good. Here is the thing. In the states you are supposed to by court order disclose all your financial. Nor only that you are not supposed too make major transactions. He probably had other money and account that he lied and hid from your mom and the court. This is money that belongs to your mom and she is entitled to due to the marriage. A judge usually will determine the amount. Do NOT say anything to your dad so he doesn’t pull anymore shennigans. Your best course of action is to save all this proof and keep digging for more. Tell your mom to get a really good lawyer who is familiar with business. A good attorney can help inbthe way forward and Possible to have the case report. Possible her divorce attorney was not very good. Tell your mom to fight for this money and you help her. now so what if he gets mad that is too bad. Tell him NOTHING!! Very important!!! You must look at it like this. He screwed your mother but he also screwed you. Please get on this. Save everything!
OP someone make a good point about the child support as well. That figure will be adjusted for your little brother going forward. I don’t know if the judge would adjust it arrears for years your dad was lying about his income regarding when she was getting it fur you. A lawyer can tell her on that.
He is acting like nothing happened because he thinks he got away with it.
>I’m worried he’ll get angry and stop talking to me.
So you’re saying you only “get along really well” on his terms and when he doesn’t have to act like an actual father to you. He’s a fair-weather parent who intentionally stiffed your mother in the divorce, then didn’t bother to give her more than what amounts to loose change for him, to support you — the child he supposedly “gets along really well” with.
>I don’t want to look entitled, i know people have much worse financial situations
There’s nothing entitled about being upset and resentful that your own father only gave you and your sibling and mother the bare minimum, while lavishing his other family with nice things. He didn’t do it by accident — he knew _exactly_ what he was doing.
I’m not saying you should call him out as, like others have said, it won’t accomplish anything. But you should definitely distance yourself from him — unless, idk, you think he’ll leave you something when he croaks (which, if history is to be believed, will be ~$50). Or unless you think you can squeeze more money out of him to support your little brother.
He’s not going to give a shit. He was okay with putting you in difficulty when he could afford to help. Don’t tell him what you know. Your mom perhaps has recourse, but doesn’t want to deal with the stress. Good for her.
Best bet is to work hard on you and do well in life. Inheritance is another opportunity for him to screw you over. So be careful with the bond you have with this man and don’t expect anything from him.
Why are you worried that he stops talking to you? You make him sound like a scumbag so not talking to him would be the right thing to do.