For example, you might be having health issues like pcos and you thought to avoid alcohol and have control over food intake, but there is another woman who keeps on judging you and commenting on the same in front of people, about you not drinking. “Like you went to pubs and didn’t drink?” “Oh, I bet she would never drink any time.” “If you drink, I will pay you this much bucks”, etc.
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Tell her to drop it. And if she doesn’t just flat out ignore her and cut off contact.
I don’t drink. I am not taking any bullshit for that.
No woman has ever cared if I drank or not as far as I know. Sometimes I choose to and sometimes I choose not to, but no one has been judgmental about it to me. If they did, I’d just remind them that I’ll make my own choice and they can make theirs.
Edited to add: I think the closest I’ve gotten from women would be someone asking, “you’re not drinking tonight?” to which I’m pretty sure I just answered, “nope, not tonight” and moved on with my evening.
They probably just respond to you like this because they’re never able to pull it off themselves, it’s kinda pathetic to be honest.
Sometimes when someone is making sly comments about you, just stop and stare at them. Just do it for a few seconds and say “why? Why are you concerned with me?” And see if it works.
Stops me from cursing people out. Some people really just need someone to stare deep into their soul to make them realize how wrong they are.
I’d ignore them. Or tell them to eff off. Literally no one else’s business whether you do or don’t drink alcohol.
“I’m choosing not to drink and it’s not up for further discussion.” And then change the subject. They’re saying a lot more about themselves than they are about you, and if you want to get spicy you could say so.
I drink very rarely, for a multitude of reasons (the most of which pertain to my anxiety meds), and I truly do not care what anyone has to say about it. It doesn’t bother me at all, just makes me feel sad that some people believe you can’t have fun without alcohol.
I usually hit them with scientifically proven facts: alcohol being literal poison, contributes to a wide range of diseases, addiction, poor sleep quality, poor mental health, etc.
Edit: I believe everyone should be able to make choices for themselves and there’s no judgment on my end if someone chooses to drink or not drink alcohol.
I (32F) have been sober for 10 months. In the beginning, there were more people who made comments/questioned it. But, the only people who really *pushed* it, ended up being people that I didn’t really need to be surrounding myself with.
If one person continues to make comments, I would set a boundary…
“If you continue to make comments about my sobriety, I am going to have to stop spending time around you.”
“If you continue to make comments about my sobriety, I’m going to simply ignore you/change the subject.”
Feel free to word it however you want. Using the word sobriety isn’t necessary. Go with whatever works for you.
I usually say something like, “It’s my choice and not really your business why I’m not drinking [today]. I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to you or if you feel judged by my not drinking. I’m free to spend time with my friends/coworkers/family and not drink. You can stop mentioning it, thanks.” It’s usually men who comment on it, but either way, this is a fine non-gender-specific response. I almost always say it with a flat expression.
With indifference
The trick in life is to be kind and respectful to others by default, but an absolute savage to anyone who doesn’t return the favor.
I’ve been alcohol free for 3 years now and my feeling on this sort of thing is : this is bullshit high school level peer pressure and at 35 years old I’m above it. It says waaayyy more about them than it does me so I don’t get concerned about it. People are always going to have something to say but you know what ? I’ll take lame comments about how I’m not drinking vs someone rehashing all my latest drunk escapades cuz you KNOW they’d be just as judgey.
Fwiw: Its been my experience that the people who really can’t stand to see others not drink are often the ones who also have a drinking problem. For them not drinking is unfathomable.
“I’m sorry, I’m just not into you. No amount of alcohol is going to change that.”
I deliberately call it out as the disrespectful behaviour it is.
“Yeah, I don’t drink hard. I’m a recovered alcoholic that was hospitalized twice, thanks for bringing it up.”
Blunt honesty and deliberate oversharing.
A lot of people I speak to assume I’m a lightweight until I bring up being itchy all over, feeling my heart pounding in the back of my neck and head, and troubles breathing.
Then they agree that’s probably an allergy and should be avoided.
“Gee, what gave you that idea?”
I don’t drink and luckily have friends who also don’t, so I’ve never been judged for it. But usually I’m non-confrontational. When people judge me for anything I’d just roll my eyes and make a mental note that they are not an emotionally safe person for me to hang out with.
“Huh…I don’t seem to recall asking your opinion about whether or not I drink alcohol…weird huh?”, all said while staring the other person down.
I drink now, but I spent years being the sober one and as such have absolutely no tolerance for anything but ‘okay cool’ when anyone doesn’t want to drink alcohol, it’s not a requirement I’m exchange for my company. I love a drink, but if you can’t understand that people don’t need one to have a food time you have problems. Directly asking why it bothers people was always my go to ‘why does what I drink bother you, why do you need me to join you? Really weird that you care’.
When i was 16 or sum I used to feel very out of place. My friends would make me feel very left out, like literally, i would turn around and they wouldnt be there.
For a while i felt really offended or alone when they made fun of me or leaving me behind or something. I made ither friends who made me realize its not that big a deal and i blocked them
Now i have grown up and i also realize its nobodys issue what i do or do not ingest.. so i just tell them to qhut the fuck up and mind their own business.
Ask them why they’re so obsessed with me. Usually shuts them right up. If they keep talking shit I cut off contact.
I’m in recovery but even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t tolerate it.
“Why are you so obsessed with me?” is the nicest I’d be.
“Why don’t you mind your business and worry about yourself?” is the gateway to me embarrassing them.
I have zero patience for this kind of behavior regardless of subject matter.
I learned this one back in the military. When someone asks why you aren’t drinking, you say “I’m driving.” Anyone who then tries to get you to drink is instantly the asshole.