Casual Dating Questions

11 comments

1. Put the ball in their court with a casual message along the line of ‘I had fun last night. If you’d like to catch up again some time, let me know.’

   Then wait. If she’s keen to go again, you’ll get the call. If not, no worries – you’re keeping it casual.

2. I think it’s as simple as letting her know you’d like to see her again, let her know when you might be available and see if her schedule works with yours while you still set up/go on dates with others. & of course just be honest and up front with anyone else that you’re dating casually/seeing other people. sometimes I feel like keeping things casual requires almost more communication so everyone is really on the same page and there’s no confusion.

3. In my experience, you can connect just as deeply with casual partners as you can with more “serious” ones. Casual relationships can be just as intimate and just as deep. Sometimes they even allow you to connect on a deeper level if one or both people have any issues around “commitment” because it allows you to put those fears aside. If done right, you can use casual relationships as a way to build a high degree of emotional safety which may then lead to something more committed in future (doesn’t have to at all.) You can also keep them light and playful. Or they could also be deep and playful. It’s up to you.

   The most important things are open & honest communication and setting boundaries (saying no to anything and everything that doesn’t feel good to you). If you can do those two things well, you’re golden in any kind of relationship because a relationship is just what the people in it define it to be. So with those skills, you can make your relationships look any way you want.

   Problems you might run into are:

   1. Believing you’re not allowed to want certain things (and thus, expecting to be shamed/attacked for bringing them up).

   This can cause you to withhold those particular wants/needs from your partner which can leave you feeling unfulfilled, which can build resentmentin the relationship over time. The same problem is true for any kind of relationship, really. And the solution is to build more confidence in who you are and what you want, and build more belief in the fact that it is okay to want (or not want) whatever it may be. You never have to compromise what you want, contrary to popular belief, and you can find partners who will give you that freedom if you give it to them.

   2. Wanting or not wanting things that go against what your partner wants.

   This can often be worked through with open & honest communication by exploring the desires/dislikes/fears of both parties and having a clear awareness of your definite boundaries. Misunderstandings can often be clarified, which can change what people want, and/or sometimes you can mutually agree to disagree… which sometimes may result in ending or changing the nature of the relationship (can be done amicably).

   The key to getting what you want is counterintuitive. You’re more likely to get it if you’re open to not getting it. That is, if you’re open to truly hearing and understanding where your partner is coming from. When this openness is given by both parties it often allows one or both parties to relax their no because it gives them space to see it a different way. Defensiveness does the opposite. It causes people to hold onto their points of view because they feel like they’re under attack.

4. I think if you keep sleeping with someone it’s likely to turn from casual to serious.

5. Be honest. Be respectful. Wrap it up. Don’t see any one person too often. Have fun!

6. It’s sex and company, not relationship. Start with that

7. Be honest from the get go! Then your emotions don’t get tangled up

8. I struggle with this myself. I don’t want a relationship (too much hurt by the previous one), but I don’t want a superficial, transactional FWB thing either. I want to talk, laugh, hang out with the person I am having a great erotic chemistry with.

   It’s good that she’s on the same page, but even then, you might have different expectations from your dynamic. Important questions are:

   1. do you allow to express emotions of attachment? There is a thin line between “I can’t wait to see you again” (understood: because it was so much fun) and “I miss you already” (the latter perhaps typically belonging to a romantic relationship)
   2. how much time do you dedicate to each other? Can be tricky if you have a busy life, and especially, if you’re seeing other people. Which leads to…
   3. are you seeing/having sex with other people? In theory, in casual relationships, that’s possible (because otherwise it would not be casual). But jealousy is a powerful emotion that can pop up even in this kind of dynamic.
   4. are you at a meta-level communicating about your “relationship” to each other? when there’s not enough communication, huge misunderstandings can arise because the dynamic is so unstable. but when you’re talking too much about it, there is a heaviness about the whole thing, which defeats the purpose of being “casual”.

   I don’t have the answers my friend. It can be liberating to have this kind of “relationship”. It can be deep, valuable, caring, and great fun, without all the possessiveness of a typical relationship. But it is walking on a tightrope. You don’t want to hurt or be hurt in the end.

9. >Any advice to handle these types of relationships, to keep them chill, fun but still show interest to see each other?

   If you want to avoid majorly committing (or pushing the other to) don’t put your proverbial eggs in one basket. For some people like myself, that means you keep in touch but also date around to see if anyone has better chemistry. For others, it just means they keep their social life prioritized instead of relying on that partner to “fill in” all their human interaction needs and possibly fall into a relationship.

   Just make sure you’re both on the same page on if you’re mutually exclusive but casual (FWBs / flings) or if you’re both possibly dating around so neither of you get hurt from mismanaged expectations.

10. How did you guys sleep on a first date? Was the intention clear you both were not looking for a relationship?

11. >Last night I went on a Tinder date, ended up sleeping together

    I need to try online dating.