A bit of background: due to an issue with hormone imbalance, I’m currently on a medication which suppresses my testosterone production. As a side effect of this, I’ve started to experience slight breast growth. This is fine, it’s something I’ve spoken about with my doctor and it’s currently under control.
I’ve been seeing my partner for a few months at this point – we get along well, but she has a habit of teasing me. Nothing serious, just the usual stuff like pointing out typos in texts and calling me “stinky” if I haven’t showered yet.
Recently, however, this took a turn. While cuddling she has started to cup my chest and whisper “milkboy” under her breath. In the week or two since, she’s started regularly calling me names that reference my breast growth: “milkboy”, “breastie”, etc. She seems to have become fascinated by my breasts – while we’re in bed, she’ll cup them and even occasionally attempt to jiggle them. She’s also made a number of off-colour comments – earlier today she said that if we had kids, it would be my responsibility to breastfeed them.
This was the last straw for me. I told her that I didn’t welcome her comments about my breasts and she countered by saying that it was okay because I always play with her breasts.
We live in separate houses, so I’ve just stopped responding to her while I work out what to do. Any advice?
TLDR: I’m angry at my GF for calling me names that ridicule my growing breasts.
40 comments
Your girlfriend lacks empathy.
She might get the point if you dump her.
She’s way out of line. You’ve expressed your feelings on the issue and she keeps pressing it. I’d say you’re doing a good job of giving her the cold shoulder until she apologizes. Some people need to learn the hard way. If she whines about it, let her. She needs to understand these comments are hurtful.
Why are you trying to negotiate emotional abuse?
You’ve already done the right thing to tell her how her joke made you feel. At this point, you could:
1. Continue to play the waiting game, hope that she recognizes how she might have upset you and reaches out to apologize.
2. Break up with her now under the assumption that if she hasn’t apologized now, she won’t.
3. Reach out to her for an honest but respectful talk about your overall perspective of how you feel about your condition. This would go over how you feel about both her words and her touching, even if those feelings are different from each other. You should also be open to hearing out how she feels. If she also has insecurities about her own chest, it’d be one thing, and you could both talk about it, but otherwise, her comparison doesn’t recognize how you feel about your body.
I’d recommend the last one, but any of these are valid.
I would not stay with somebody who thought this was an okay thing to do. She is majorly lacking in empathy, and that’s a bad trait in a partner.
You mean ex girlfriend right!? That woman has no empathy at all. Dump her and find someone caring.
You should ask her if she had a hormone imbalance that caused her to grow a moustache would she like it if you called her Magnum PI!
This is bullying by someone your supposed to enjoy time with.
She has no empathy and she doesn’t respect you.
Kick her to the curb and find someone who actually likes you.
> She seems to have become fascinated by my breasts – while we’re in bed, she’ll cup them and even occasionally attempt to jiggle them.
uhh is she a secret lesbian? Why is she so into groping tits?
Eh, dude just fucking grow a pair. Own it, tell her you’ve got better tits than her and she’s just jealous (as a joke). Laugh about it, laugh at your circumstance, and for god’s sake don’t get sensitive about it.
A man growing tits is funny, even if it’s you. It’s ok, it doesn’t define you, you are who you act to be, own it and shrug it off.
Tldr; chin up, own your problems, laugh.
Oh my god, sir I am so sorry you are being treated this way. This is bullying and she’s being incredibly cruel. You deserve much better.
Your partner should be treating you BETTER than anyone else in the world treats you.
She could be saying that because the internet has recently gained a fascination with male breasts, calling them “mommy milkers,” etc. She could mean it as a compliment, honestly. But, you’ve made it clear that you don’t like it, so she shouldn’t keep doing it. Making it clear why you’re mad and giving her the cold shoulder is a good idea.
Cry babies all of you. Just tell her you don’t like it and if she responds poorly, take a few steps back and reevaluate your relationship. But first acknowledge the problem with your partner.
Agree, escalation is advised. I’d like to think this is an attitude you either have or don’t (to laugh such things off). And since it is beyond your control, you have no “real” leverage to change that.
If a talk does not make it any better consequences have to be made – dating pause, calling her names – whatever might get through to her.
Benefit of the doubt first: Maybe she doesn’t understand she’s being mean, and you guys might’ve established a playful dynamic early on in the relationship so she thinks she’s being funny —
But make sure you let her know that it makes you feel bad, and it’s an insecurity you have right now and that you would like her to stop — if she doesn’t, THEN it it’s time to call it quits.
>earlier today she said that if we had kids, it would be my responsibility to breastfeed them.
>This was the last straw for me. I told her that I didn’t welcome her comments about my breasts
Good you’ve set a hard line boundary.
>she countered by saying that it was okay because I always play with her breasts.
Any response that isn’t an apology means she doesn’t respect you. Don’t reach back out to her and if she comes to you with anything but a sincere apology then leave her alone.
This sounds like a fetish for her, but that doesn’t excuse her putting her fetish above your mental health.
I’m trans, and before I had top surgery if a partner acted like that I’d probably go ballistic. I imagine that breasts must give you gender dysphoria as well, so extra not cool of your girlfriend.
You tried talking it out and her response was very bad, personally I would leave.
So it’s been weeks and you’ve never said anything then suddenly blow up and ignore her. How is she supposed to know you don’t like it?
I’ll bet she’s going to be the funniest single girl in town.
You’re only a few months in and already getting this? nope.
If you’re uncomfortable with it then please do make sure to communicate and tell her you don’t like it. It’s out of order for her to make comments like that
I don’t like teasing. I don’t like bullying. Your gf is not very nice and needs to become an ex.
This isn’t remotely the same as a woman having breasts. This is a HUGE mental health issue, and she’s just adding to it.
Show her the milkman
I can see how she could see her comments as teasing. She’s not being kind, but perhaps this is a shitty attempt to make light out of a weird situation? In my opinion, you should have said something from the first comments that bothered you rather than letting it continue to the point you are both at. You need to either put your foot down and tell her how you feel by setting a very clear boundary or consider if you want to be with someone who insults you as a joke. But don’t ghost her.
I am not a fan of “I’m OK with you doing X therefore you have to be OK with me doing the same.” Partners frequently have different boundaries. Anyway, it’s not the same thing. You’re not making fun of her breasts. You’re not making fun of her medical condition. Basically this sounds pretty disrespectful. Maybe she is attempting to make like of your issue, but it’s not working. All you can do is repeat that it makes you angry. Hopefully she stops doing it. If she won’t then do you want to be with someone so disrespectful?
As a man I find it funny. Would laugh at that.
But on the other hand if roles were reversed and a guy was teasing his girlfriend/wife about her body – you know how it would go.
You should not have to ask someone more than once to drop a sensitive topic, especially when it is a medical condition.
She is a deeply unkind person and I hope you never talk to her again.
She’s being shitty. I’m assuming you play with her breasts because she wants you to, and would stop if she didn’t. Also it’s not the same thing as saying mean things to your partner.. Either way, you’re allowed to say you don’t like something and she should stop. She needs to apologize and grow up.
This isn’t real and if it is LMAO jesus
That’s not okay. That’s like grabbing her stomach and making fun of her being fat. Both is wrong. Tell her that she is being rude and her joke isn’t appreciated.
Leave her. What a jerk.
You’ve only been dating a few months and she’s being a total asshole to you.
Maybe she honestly thought you guys could joke about things like that or maybe you’re just seeing her normal personality now. Either way her response to you expressing your discomfort with it shows she’s not relationship material.
Seems like a lot to deal with when you haven’t invested much time into this relationship.
My question is, did you communicate this to her? It sounds like you may feel insecure about the breast growth, which is perfectly OK and valid as insecurities form as our bodies change and we have to adapt. However, if she normally teases you, she may not know that you feel insecure about it. If you’ve said something before, then I stand corrected, and having a hard boundary is a good idea. But, if you haven’t shared how you feel with her yet, this approach may be a bit harsh. Your partner can’t read your mind.
This is so funny I’m sorry. But yes if this is your boundary and she doesn’t respect it that’s an issue, milkboy.
The answer to “Hey, this is really hurting my feelings, stop that,” shouldn’t be “it’s your punishment for touching me.”
Though, dude, if you’ve been touching her breasts after she’s told you to cut it out, you need to stop. Because that’s actually even worse her mean spirited teasing.
Have some self-respect and self love. You dont deserve this. Its better to be alone than with someone who treats you like this.
Presumably, she enjoys you playing with her breasts, and it’s perfectly normal to do so in an intimate relationship. However, your new ‘breasts’ are not a sexual part of your body; they’re a side effect resulting from a medical issue. She’s not playing with them in a way that makes you feel sexy or aroused; she’s mocking you. That could possibly be excused if she had apologised and stopped as soon as you raised it, but her response was dismissive of your feelings. She doesn’t respect you.
Send her a link to this thread, and if she doesn’t immediately apologise, tell her goodbye. You deserve to be treated better than this.
> Any advice?
Cut her off completely for her repeated psychological abuse.
Good for you for speaking up and then setting your boundary by staying home. As others have said, if she reaches out with a sincere apology and also follows through with not saying mean things, then you can go from there.
If she doesn’t do that then I’m afraid she’s shown you who she is and it’s best for you to move on. You can be with someone who drains your energy like that.
Jeez man, everyone in here judge, jury and executioner.
She was more then likely caught off guard by your serious rebuttal and double downed. More then likely regrets that and hasn’t had to grow that empathetic core to understand exactly why you are being serious about something they obviously consider playful.
Just state in a large message how it makes you feel rather then drawing a hard line with little reasoning. Communicate about it. At the same time ask them if there is anything you could be doing differently.
Smh y’all act like people don’t make mistakes in their interpersonal relationships.