Link to the original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/fv4q9y/my\_32f\_boyfriend\_34m\_murdered\_several\_house/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fv4q9y/my_32f_boyfriend_34m_murdered_several_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
TLDR at the end.
So a few years ago I posted about how my bf(M34 at that time) had utterly mangled several baby plants, and one adult plant, with no remorse whatsoever. I wanted to update you all on what happened afterward.
Well, several of you told me to run. Reddit, you were right. About a year after that we broke up when it was clear he had been lying to me about some huge important relationship issues that will not be central to this post. (Marriage, money, our shared business, other women, etc.) After we had the final blowup fight and I left things got much worse, and his true colors came through again. I should have listened to your warnings. This time the victim was one of my cats.
I had two cats. A Calico, and her baby, a fluffy tuxedo cat. This tuxedo cat was my absolute darling, and I adored him more than anything else that breathed. Unfortunately, my now ex knew this. When I decided to leave him I packed up one suitcase and booked it to a friend’s house. So he decided to poison my cat. He called me saying the cat was ill, so I drove to the veterinary hospital immediately. When I received the lab results the vet outright said, “It looks like he’s been poisoned.” His kidney levels were literally off the charts, as in the machine could not longer accurately even read how high they were. The vet described it as, “His kidneys are basically solid.” I had a previous cat who had a genetic condition that predisposed him to kidney disease, and at 14 he died from it. When he passed his kidney levels were nowhere remotely near as bad as this previously 100% healthy 6 year old cat! Hours later I had to decide to put him down. I called the veterinary hospital and gave them the address where I wanted the ashes shipped. Before they were shipped exBF went and picked them up. He denied me having the ashes, saying I owed him the entirety of the cat’s final veterinary bill before he would let me have the ashes. I never received them. When I tried to pick up my other cat, the Calico, he said he would only give her to me if I paid him $1,500. Feeling I had no legal way to reacquire my cat, I cut my losses to get away from him, and moved across the state.
I wish that was the half of it, and it was certainly the most horrible thing he did. He made every attempt he could to ruin all my social connections, and went out of his way to extort and harass me, including showing up to the place I had been sheltered and demanding to come inside, and texting those inside to come out. (Thus me having to move so far away.) I lost my relationship, my home city, several friendships, and both of my cats in the span of 3 weeks. He harassed me, my now BF, and several of my friends via text for well over a year! (He is now blocked by nearly all of us.)
I post this as a warning for everyone who posts here with similar stories. Yes, Reddit is quick to jump to suggesting breakups, but when people tell you “Yikes, OMG, huge red flag, etc”, maybe they are right. Don’t ignore the red flags like I did. I wish I had left, with my cats, and run home to the other side of my state the same day he destroyed and killed my plants. I let myself think it was a one off thing. Obviously, it wasn’t. I am still emotionally and financially recovering, and I can never bring back my cat, or recover my other cat.
The good news is I’m now doing way better. I have a new supportive and loving boyfriend, and he got me a new cat! He loves me, and we just bought a house together! Life is actually pretty peachy, but it only started to get better when I completely cut the last guy out of my life. I’m honestly doing pretty well for myself, and can’t wait for what this new year brings! Thanks for trying to help me Reddit. As long as I waited, I’m still glad that your voices were in the back of my mind helping to enforce the decision when I finally did leave. You guys and gals are awesome! Happy 2023!
TLDR: He killed my cat, stole my other cat and used her to try and extort money from me, and didn’t even let me have my dead cat’s ashes. (I’m not with him anymore, and luckily have moved away and moved on.)
**EDIT:** Some people have asked why I “left” my other cat with him. I didn’t. He stole her. I attempted to reacquire her several times. As the vet bills for her were in his name, it is very hard to prove legally that she is my cat. I adopted her, cared for her, fed her every day, etc, but that doesn’t hold up in court the way names on a vet bill will (from my limited understanding of property and pet law. I am not a lawyer, and could be wrong, and am open to that.) He refused to give her to me, at first asking for money, and then simply refusing. A friend even offered to help me break in and get her. However, I am in a state where it is legal to shoot if you enter a persons property unannounced, and further, I’m not interested in breaking and entering charges, nor charges of pet theft. Believe me, I want her AND fear for her, every day. I tried as best I could, but all my further options are illegal. Suggestions for legal acquisition are welcome, but please no more emails of disgust that I left her with him. Believe me, I already hurt over it.
**EDIT 2:** Also, the question, “Why didn’t I call the cops?” is coming up. 100% because I was scared. Previous times I have called the cops have not been great interactions. Doesn’t seem to matter to them what was happening before they showed up if the dude says “everything is fine” when they arrive. I just fled. Surely the statute of limitations for something like this has not passed. I’m not a legal expert, and don’t know anything about animal abuse laws. I have been focusing on getting to safety, and going to therapy. Of course I think what he did was illegal, but not everybody can just “call the cops” in every situation. This was scary, so I fled. I could get a lawyer to advise me in the future, and of course I want justice for my cat.
20 comments
Get the veterinary report, give it to the cops. The boy needs serious jail time.
This made me tear up. Made me think about the tuxy my wife and I have..I feel bad if I accidentally step on her or have to move her from her favorite spot on the bed so I can lay down. I can’t imagine willingly hurting an animal.
I’m glad you’re safe and away from that a**hole.
I agree with the other reply, this should be prosecuted. If there is fear of any retaliation, I believe there can be arrangements made for your safety.
Karma is going to get this piece of trash in the future. What a complete and total waste of organic matter.
If you are in the US, “call the cops” is effectively either a waste of the cost of a phone call or an invitation for everything to escalate out of control.
Sad to say OP but you may just have to face it that your other cat is more than likely dead as well. Your ex sounds that vindictive that as soon as you found a new bf he probably saw that the cat was of no further use and either abandoned it or killed it.
Now murder his lifetime. Bring him to jail
I’m just worried about YOUR safety now
>UPDATE IS NOW HE KILLED MY CAT!
Aaaaand I’m outta here….
Wait so within a year of leaving a horrifically abusive relationship, you got into a new relationship & brought a pet and house together? OP please be careful. Hopefully this new guy is a dreamboat & it’s fine and this is an overreaction but that’s not a lot of time being single to adjust to a healthy normal in the 2 years since your 1st post. It’s very common for toxic men to date women who have just left unhealthy/abusive relationships because it’s easy to “swoop in” and be the good guy just by being better than the abusive ex. And as long as they stay better than the ex they can get away with being toxic in their own way. Abusive relationships mess with our minds and our sense of normal, which is why toxic people like to date people who have just left abusive situations.
Hopefully I’m overreacting. But buying a house & a pet within 18 months of dating is very fast-paced. Especially without that year being single to focus on healing and being ok by yourself after that ordeal.
A lawyer may help you get the cat back, or at least get some form of justice over all of this. The cops often won’t help because you aren’t powerful, but a lawyer can make things happen. If you look for women’s domestic violence support near you, you may find some legal aid. Hope you’re in a better place now.
Your safety is more important than a cat and a psycho having access to you. Sorry about your cats but glad you are doing better.
Somebody od this to me my first impulse is to plan his untimely death. What the fuck
Omg I’m crying. Those poor, poor cats 🙁
This post is a prime example of why many of us always encourage leaving instead of mamby Pamby counseling when a member reveals abuse. In the meantime go to police and court and show them text messages where he acknowledges it’s your cat and the attempts to bribe you with her. If you don’t have any text, message and get him to incriminate self. You can get a police escort to get your cat with you. If you get him to incriminate himself for murdering a cat you can also have him charged with cruelty to animals. Good luck
Man, I think you’d do us all a favor if you reveal his name or a photo or whatever cuz I, as a lady do not want to run into him 😭
Ps: I’m sure it’s illegal but I just felt like saying that
I’d get a restraining order for him.
OK. Killing a cat is the end. That’s a bizarre line that should not be crossed. That’s not tolerable.
I really hope I don’t hear about you on a serial killer documentary in a few years. Be safe, stay far away.
I remember that post!
I’m so glad you are well away from him but want to echo what another commenter has said, it really sounds like you’re rushing things with your new boyfriend. I would slow down if you can, don’t buy a house with someone who you’ve only been with for about a year (afaik based on the timeliness you’ve given). Abusers can hide that side of themselves very well, and they wait to reveal it until they feel they have you trapped with commitment of one kind or another, a mortgage would definitely fall under that remit. I’m not saying your current boyfriend is or will be abusive, just that for your own sake you should be watching out for red flags and taking things slowly. Him not being okay with taking things slowly would be a red flag in itself. Please read “Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft, it’s available online as a free pdf because the author wants it to be accessible to abuse survivors, it will help you to understand the psychology of abusers and I think will help you going forward.
And I’m so sorry to hear about your poor cat(s)! Sending strength
Is the other cat even alive? There is no way in hell I’d have left my pets.
My cat-loving heart can’t read this whole post but I sincerely hope you can do something to heal and hold this effing psycho accountable! Stay safe, move away from him, go dark on social media/online/email, do whatever you can! Dunno if you can or if it’ll lead to anything, but seek legal advice and use all your resources (family, friends, coworkers, women’s shelters, etc).