My boyfriend (18M) and I (18M) have been together for about 2 years now. It took him several months to be willing to even kiss, and anything sexual took even longer. The first time I gave him a handjob (which he had agreed to) it lasted around 30 seconds before he sort of awkwardly asked to stop. Obviously I did, and we just watched TV instead. Since then he seems to have gotten more comfortable, he’s jacked me off a few times, but whenever I tried to return the favour he would ask to stop after a minute or 2, even though he says he enjoys it. I asked why he wanted to stop and he sort of mumbled something about how he just wanted to (or something along those lines). I tried asking if he was alright, and he assured me that he was fine, but I’m not so sure. I can’t help but wonder if it’s me, even though we have a great relationship outside of sex. He’s not so into PDA, but we spend a lot of time together and he’s really great. I have a few theories about what might be going on, but I just struggle to talk about this kind of thing.
1. He grew up with a very homophobic Dad, who I never met, as my boyfriend moved out of his Dad’s place about a year ago and we’d always just hang out at my place. So maybe growing up like that has made him feel weird about being intimate with a guy.
2. He doesn’t like feeling vulnerable for whatever reason.
3. I’m just that bad at handjobs.
4. He cums really quickly and is embarrassed about it. I personally find that a bit silly, though, as I don’t really last very long myself.
Any advice? Or this just works as a vent too.
3 comments
Probably just very self conscious in the moment, at least he’s made a little progress
You’re still very, very young. Trauma can run real deep, too. He may just be battling some thoughts in his head and start to feel uncomfortable (like you said), even if he does actually want it. Patience is good here, the closer your relationship is, the more comfortable and excited he’ll get.. it may just take time.
Maybe hes uncomfortable with his homosexuality? Confused? Maybe his dad left scars and your bf still has that thought that it might not be okay? I was discussing with this guy and he found it crazy and bizarre that he masturbated to gay porn and he was confused about it. I hope your bf opens up. Be patient and understanding. <3