My bf of two years came home from school for the first time in months. He came and saw me twice, and each time he complained that I did something wrong.
The first time he complained because I had some anxiety during our visit, at which point he decided to leave and go home because it was apparently weirding him out.
The second time I asked him a pretty serious question regarding us staying together, and he said he didn’t know. We were literally about to go to bed so it was bad timing on my part.
We were attempting to share a twin bed unsuccessfully (I just moved so my larger bed is put away still), and I was tossing and turning from stress so I decided to move out into the living room. I figured it would be better than staring at the ceiling and keeping him awake too.
He kept asking where I was going, so I told him I was going out to the couch. I ended up staying up most of the night.
When he got up in the morning he was acting really weird. He said everything was fine until I confronted him about his behavior today. He’s been acting super off, and I guess it’s because of me going into the living room. He told me it was odd behavior and that it threw him off. Idk what to make of this. I apologized and told him that it was easier for me to be out there. Our relationship was already strained and now he may breakup with me over this. Now I don’t know what to do. Why was what I did so strange? How do I make things right with my bf?
Tldr: bf thinks it was odd that I stayed in the living room after a serious conversation, even though it had nothing to do with our discussion and everything to do with both of us being comfortable. Now he is acting super off. How do I fix things?
22 comments
I suspect he met someone else at school and is now looking for a way out with you that doesn’t make him a jerk.
Sounds like he is more invested than you are potentially? He seems like he is more comfortable around you, and wants to be in a peaceful and calm situation when he is around.
Your nervous energy might be making him insecure as well. Not saying it’s your fault. It’s okay to be anxious or nervous. You two just clearly aren’t on the same page right now.
Why are you feeling anxious around him?
If I hadn’t seen my SO for an extended period of time, and when I did it was awkward or off, I would be very curious to figure out why they felt that way.
Is his communication bad?
Y’all shouldn’t leave this stuff up for interpretation. Instead tell him why you’re anxious etc.
I think he has met someone else and he doesn’t want to be the bad guy by breaking up with you i think in his mind if he has caused enough issues then you will be the one breaking up.
If he’s breaking up with you, it’s not because of this. Something else is going on with him and, instead of telling you what it is, he’s nitpicking your actions and putting the blame on you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of the actions you described. If anything, the fact that he left when you were anxious shows that he doesn’t really care enough to stick around and help you through a tough time. You don’t say what you were anxious about, but being in a strained long distance relationship with someone and then seeing them for the first time in awhile is certainly an understandable reason to be nervous. Moving to the couch so you both could sleep better is also not something to get upset over. It was a thoughtful and considerate thing to do. Something else is going on here. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to have a frank conversation about it, so he’s just going to keep making up problems and blaming you. If it were me, I’d try asking him what’s really going on. If he just keeps blaming, I’d leave. It’ll only get worse overtime.
>The first time he complained because I had some anxiety during our visit, at which point he decided to leave and go home because it was apparently weirding him out.
The truth is that certain people lack the patience and/or ability to offer reassurance that is required to partner up with someone who has an anxiety condition. While therapy and medication may help mitigate the issue from your end, there’s a general demeanor your partner will have to have to make things work long term.
>The second time I asked him a pretty serious question regarding us staying together, and he said he didn’t know.
Timing aside, if it was a deal-breaker level issue and there was no clear compromise or resolution, then you two may not be compatible. Is there a reason you’re being vague about the “serious question”?
>Our relationship was already strained and now he may breakup with me over this. Now I don’t know what to do. Why was what I did so strange? How do I make things right with my bf?
Assuming you can overcome to the two issues I raised above, it sounds like both of you need to work on communicating. Sleeping on the couch is a universal cliche for what happens when a couple is fighting. Obviously, that is not the reason you did it, but he perhaps misunderstood and assumed you were reacting negatively to the conversation about the serious question. He may have perceived it as you trying to avoid him, so he was giving off negative emotions. If you explain your reasoning, it should quell the tension for this particular situation.
“He’s been acting super off, and I guess it’s because of me going into the living room.”
You guess? Did you ask him?
Ya’ll are old enough that you need to just be communicating clearly and honestly with each other. I get the impression that you’re not. You should be. If he’s resistant to doing so, then move on, work on yourself so that you can get into a relationship where you can communicate clearly and honestly with the other person.
He has met someone else and is trying to use you as an excuse to leave the relationship.
Man, I’m seeing this completely differently than everyone else. You sound like you require a lot of attention and reassurance. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I also have anxiety and need my husband to tell me when I’m being ridiculous and prove my anxiety to be unfounded.
But he’s willing to do that.
It doesn’t sound like your current partner wants that kind of relationship. And that’s fair too.
If he wants to break up you need to just let him. It’s not worth the fight. Find someone more compatible
So *you* were acting weird, yet you “confronted him” about *his* behavior? His behavior seems to be a fairly normal response to what seems to be very anxiety-ridden behavior on your part. He’s allowed to have a reaction, including distancing himself from you if he wants. Nobody is to blame here, even though confronting him and questioning his behavior was a mis-step. Instead, just explain yourself. “I’m feeling very anxious and I don’t want my tossing and turning to keep you awake, so I’m going to move onto the couch for a while.”
Something else is going on with him, probably has a thing for another. Wife and I did long distance for 4 plus years and it was heaven every time we got together.
it sounds like both of you were acting “off”
Were you actually happy to see him? He’d been gone for a while and the only emotions you described here are confusion, stress, anxiety, and discomfort. And asking if you two should stay together isn’t wrong, it’s a valid question, but it does announce to him that you’re not sure about your relationship.
you probably both need to have a deep conversation. but if you aren’t excited or happy to see him, think about if your relationship makes you happy or not?
Sleeping separate when you usually sleep together is commonly a sign that you are mad at your partner. If you chose to sleep separate after a fight the message you are sending is that you are still upset. Or your boyfriend is a pouty man child, or your anxiety is unbearable and fighting before bed has emotionally worn him out. I’m going with the first option, classic miscommunication.
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You sound like you’re actively stressing him out. My ex used to ask me “what’s wrong” or “is everything okay” literally 10 times a day. It eventually became a self fulfilling prophecy
I mean, I wouldn’t want to share a twin bed with another adult even when I wasn’t stressed. If you guys get in a fight over one party temporarily wanting a more comfortable sleeping situation, imagine what an actual serious issue is going to blow up into.
You say you saw him twice after months apart, and both of the interactions with guy sounded like they went south. Why do you even want to salvage this?
It sounds like maybe he has met someone at college he is interested in, and coming back to you, he kept looking for reasons to break up. It sort of sounds like your relationship has maybe run its course – in your next one, maybe try to work on open communication lines, so that you don’t come to this kind of impasse again.
>he first time he complained because I had some anxiety during our visit, at which point he decided to leave and go home because it was apparently weirding him out.
As in anxiety disorder?
Or anxiety about something specific?
I’m seeing a lot of commenters who think your BF is trying to get out of this relationship. My thought here is that he may be worried that your anxiety and your lack of willingness to cuddle all night and your asking intense questions before bed are evidence that _you_ want out or have a “guilty conscience”.
Talk to him. Tell him what you want and how you feel, and listen when he tells you those things.
Y’all are fully grown adults. If you are having this many weird things… maybe it’s time to part ways because things just aren’t vibing.
Also- you’re allowed to sleep on the couch if you want. It’s your couch.
One way to help, might be to tell him what has you anxious first. Like “babe I’m so happy you’re here. the distance makes me anxious at times so im happy we havre this time.”
That way, he isnt guessing whats going on in your head, you arent dumping only anxiety, and you give him the opportunity to reassure you or have a deeper conversation.
I’m a 62 year old man, married to my wife for 27 years now. I sometimes have problems with insomnia. At those times, I go downstairs to our family room and sleep on the couch. I think it’s a very considerate thing to do as I’m not keeping my wife up all night.
Your boyfriend apparently just wants to sleep with you but a twin bed is very small and doesn’t really fit 2 adults comfortably. You should have a talk with him and explain it.
Prepare for break up