My father, married and divorced twice, has been in a rollercoaster relationship for 6+ years. Now engaged (for the 2nd time / same wild ride), it’s become pretty clear to me that it’s an abusive relationship. They are in therapy, and she’s being treated individually for PTSD & ADHD that apparently leads to these explosive episodes. I’ve expressed my concerns to him and explained that I believe he’s in an abusive relationship, doing everything I can to show support – suggesting that this doesn’t have to be the next step (marriage). There’s no indication that he’s going to call the wedding off… so now I must decide if I attend the wedding. I want to continue having a good relationship with my dad, so I fear that not going will risk that. If I do go, I’m really going against my values. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you navigate and where did you land? Any regrets?
2 comments
As an adult with diagnosed ADHD since about age 9…
ADHD does sometimes cause mood swings. One of the symptoms is emotional regulation problems. When combined with PTSD I can absolutely see emotional explosions as the end result.
The key information that you’re missing is whether or not your dad’s fiancee is getting help for her issues. Therapy, medication, and so on. There are ways to help control the symptoms of both issues. If she’s in therapy and on ADHD meds, you should at the very least attend the wedding because you care about your dad.
If she’s doing jack squat about her issues, then yeah he might be in an abusive relationship and nothing you do or say will make him realize it. At that point, I probably wouldn’t go to the wedding either.
You need to be there for him so he knows he can come to you when he needs you. You can tell him you’re going for him but not for the marriage because you’ll always be there for him. Not going will alienate you from him.