Hello everyone, I’m a 19 year old woman and this thought has been haunting me for quite a bit now.
To make it short, I’ve never had any dating experience but my friend has made me notice that there are people interested in me but i end up “rejecting” them without even going on a date and I feel like this is very related to looks. My friend said that she doesn’t really care about looks and that a person becomes more attractive the more you get interested in them and i agree with that but i still feel like i need to at least like the other person visually? i don’t understand if i am the problem here or not, i am not saying that i’m only looking for an extremely handsome and perfect man but all the people who have shown interest in me either gave me the ick or weren’t my type so i just “rejected” them or never really gave them a chance but i also feel like i would give them false hope (?) if i were to go on a date with them (or even just make out with them) even though i don’t like them…I feel bad about it cause I don’t understand if I’m being too picky or not + this is not helping me either cause it’s stopping me from having this “dating experience” i’ve never had (and i really want to find someone) :/
what do you think?
6 comments
You might just be real shallow.. But it’s hard to tell without knowing how you look.. Can it be that you maybe aren’t as attractive as you think you are?
I think you should get off any and all social media for awhile. They promote unrealistic expectations of how people look, there’s always good lighting, good angles, posing, and digital touch up/filters.
The more you consume that type of media the more your perception of how people are supposed to look will be altered
Don’t feed bad about your attraction dealbreakers and beauty standards. Most sighted humans are visual and have some dealbreakers with a physical appearance based element. You won’t be sexually attracted to most people in the world and that is fine. Its not picky or unreasonable to only be willing to date those that you are attracted to, sexually interested in and have compatible dealbreakers with.
A healthy and happy relationship that will involve regular sexual activity requires mutual sexual attraction, some shared ambitions and compatible relationship expectations. That is the main difference between a platonic friendship and a dating type of relationship with sexual elements.
doesn’t sound abnormal or unreasonable to me
There’s a guy in your class that you’re interested in so do approach and ask him out.
Don’t feel bad for rejecting people you don’t find attractive. However we don’t know what you look like so you might be a 5 looking for 10s (unrealistic) or you might be a 10 looking for 10s (understandable)
Try to imagine them without the looks, that has helped me