I have this friend M19 who is extremely close minded and stubborn. To the point where he won’t try new foods or unfamiliar snacks at all. At times I find this annoying bc I’m from Korean and Chinese descent and food is of much importance to my culture and heritage. He’s not open to new experiences which opposes my whole life purpose which is to experience as much as possible. His whole life surrounds a routine and has very strong views and opinions on many things. I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad thing but when you debate with him or offer an opposing opinion, he is unwilling to change.
Is there anything I can do or say to maybe help him open up a bit? I know that setting personal boundaries is a good and wise thing but I can see that in his case in particular, being a bit more open minded will be more beneficial and I want the best for him.
Thoughts?
7 comments
Sometimes people won’t change knowing someone else wants them to change. Patience will go a long way because you will have to get their true logic in order to understand why they have that opinion. Figure out if their logic is strong around their opinion. Most of which we know is absorbed from the experiences around us. Small changes can lead to the outcome that you want. One day you can try to get them to agree to trying something that you think will be a safe choice (high chance of success). Successive times of them “being wrong” can cause a change to the other side.
You cannot change someone. Change must come from within; they must genuinely *want* to change. All you can do is provide the opportunity.
For example, if you’re eating some foreign snack, just offer him some. If he says no, let it go.
To answer your question: tell your friend how you feel.
The bigger picture: why do you feel you need to change your friend? Even if you feel like this change would be better for him, that’s not your place to make that decision. He lives his own life. If I were in your situation I wouldn’t pursue this any further. You’ve likely made your point by now and he’s likely made up his mind.
First, you need to make sure this person isn’t Neurodivergent. What may seem like stubbornness can be signs of autism/etc.
Source: Am neurodivergent and have a few sensory issues that make it so I literally cannot tolerate certain things.
> being a bit more open minded will be more beneficial and I want the best for him.
Why exactly would this be beneficial for him, though? I’m of Chinese descent too, so I get where you’re coming from with openness to cuisines, and how food is more bonding for our cultures, and rejection of food is a bit more insulting that it is in Western cultures (or maybe not, idk; my white acquaintances have all reacted with exasperation and “we do that too, it’s not just a Chinese thing” whenever I try to talk about something I think my culture does differently based on observations). But what makes you feel like your friend *needs* to be open-minded for him to happier? And let’s say you’re right. Why do you care that much for this guy’s opinions in particular? If this person does or does not care to try snacks that you eat, how does that *directly* affect your life? Will whatever your tangible life goals are be affected if he does not try your food?
> which opposes my whole life purpose which is to experience as much as possible.
I don’t know how else to say this without coming off as callous, but… so what? Like, can you explain why that matters? I have a similar life goal as you. But I wouldn’t expect others to have the same goal. Experiencing new things (at my own pace) brings me happiness, but having a same and quiet life might bring someone else their happiness. Them not wanting the same things I do doesn’t mean my life purpose is now meaningless. If our goals and values don’t match, and it tangibly affects the friendship, then it’s better to just find other people who have values that match than trying to convince people to value the same thing. And if someone forced something new on me that I wasn’t ready for (maybe I’m not in the mood or don’t have the energy to mentally prepare for potentially new sensations, for example), it’s not like I’d be happy from it either.
Is it possible maybe *you’re* the one that needs to be a bit more open-minded that what brings you happiness might not bring others the same happiness?
You can’t change his mind.
The purpose of discussions is for everyone to learn something. If you just tell him something, and he’s unwilling to learn anything new, then I don’t think there’s any reason to discuss it. You’re not benefitting from it.
If you want to go detective and therapist you could try to figure out why he is closed-minded. When I was a picky eater, it was only because it was one of the few things I had control over. I got over it only when I was starving on the street because I couldn’t afford food and realized those mental barriers weren’t necessary. I couldn’t be persuaded that being picky was bad. I had to find out on my own. I guarantee there is some trauma that is causing the closed-mindedness. It might not be worth your effort to help if he doesn’t want it, though.