I don’t know if I should break off the engagement.
(26,F) I found out that my fiancé (29, M) cheated/lied to me? We have only known each other for 11 months.
I (26, F) found out that my fiancé (29, M) cheated on me? We got engaged after knowing each other for 4 months.
I was born and brought up in Canada from an Indian family where I need to be in an arranged caste marriage. I met a man from the US through family and we got engaged in 4 months. We have been together for 10 months. He is very kind, loving and overall perfect man, almost too good to be true. He is a doctor, well educated, and very polite.
Long story short I texted his ex bc I was having doubts about his character which I later told him I did and he didn’t seem to care. One day, during his night shift I went on his Apple Watch and went through his messages. I found out his ex texted him “your fiancé messaged me” and her name was saved as a different name with the notifications silenced. I didn’t say anything and he acted normal for a few days and I was being really quiet and weird. Later he goes for a walk and I see on his watch he called his ex and deleted the call log. I confronted him later and he denied it but thankfully I took photos of the screen. He said he called her to talk about what I said but I have a feeling it was just to vent about me… he continues to apologize to this day but I don’t know if I can trust again.
His family keeps pressuring marriage and I’m not sure if I can proceed. I don’t know what to do and feel extremely upset and embarrassed. There are limited people in the caste I can marry and I don’t know if I can find someone else. Looking for some advice.
TL;DR arranged marriage with 11 month relationship, fiancé saved ex as different name with notifications silenced, texted and called his ex and deleted the call log.
6 comments
Can your parents get you out of it?
I’m not sure what the cultural norms are with your family, but you might try being open with your parents about his infidelity and lies.
Since its arranged…is it possible he is still with his “ex” and only marrying to please his parents? Maybe that’s why they’re pressuring for marriage. I hope you can get out of this.
Well, there was something about him that made you want to message his ex in the first place, so you already didn’t trust him before you even knew there was something worth not trusting him about.
If your parents can break it off- let them. You’ll do much better in the long run. I can almost guarantee it.
Looks like you will have to marry him. At least you know from the start that he will continue cheating on you.
I may be missing something, but I don’t see any actual proof of cheating from what you shared. Speaking with his ex doesn’t mean he’s cheating. It’s possible, considering he saved her name as something else, but him discussing you with her isn’t cheating. It’s inappropriate, but doesn’t mean he’s with her. It doesn’t seem like you trust him much, so if you can, get out of this relationship and work on yourself. He may very well be a cheating liar, but you may also have some insecurities that are keeping you from trusting a partner either way. He should also work on not talking to his ex about his current partner.