Me and my husband have always had a really tough time sexually and we a trying so desperately to fix it but how to I have sex when I only want it once a month.
About 3/4 days after my period I really want something, we’ll have a great sex session then nothing. I won’t get turned on by anything or so much as want to think about sex until after my next period.
I’m 32 so not nearing menopause age either, not on any medication or birth control.
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Thats rough. Im sorry. My wife is the same right now. Roughly once a month right after ovulation and then…zero sexual anything. Shes not short, we dont fight, she just has no desire. We are in the middle of talks with doctors and getting hormones and things like that looked at as she hasnt always been this way. I dont know if youve explored any of that.
Is this new or has it always been like this? I could suggest sexting, creating a more erotic environment, check hormone panel, etc, but if you’ve always been like this it may just be your baseline libido. Sexual incompatibility can cause pretty tough issues in a marriage but you can only fight biology so much. It can be a deal breaker for some but it doesn’t have to be. If there’s nothing that can be done it may be on him to weigh out if sex once a month is something he can tolerate long term
1. Try reading erotic literature and see if you get turned on. You can start here for free [https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/)
2. Do a web search on “Love Languages” and consider reading the book.
You say you don’t *want* to think about sex, but *do* you?
Maybe you do not feel too comfortable in your own body?
Hormone therapy.
Are you stressed out? Is there a lot going on in your life that you find yourself thinking about? It could be your body’s not allowing you to relax and get into it because of those stressors. It’s also possible there’s hormonal changes as others have suggested here
Maybe focus on ways to be more intimate that invite sex without it being an expectation. For example massaging eachother naked. Make time to be close and intimate with one another, shower together. Even if these things don’t get you in the mood you’re at least making time together to be close and share a loving moment together which is always important to do. Other than that I would suggest exploring a little more, maybe there’s something you’re really into that you haven’t discovered yet, maybe go into an adult shop together and see if anything excites you to try. I hope you find a solution!
I mean, going by your post history, yeah, I imagine it’s pretty hard to be attracted to a spouse who seems to be super negative and acts like a child all the time. I’m guessing what’s happening is that you’re mentally super turned off by this dude but your ovaries are helping you power through it a few times a month when your hormones kick in gear. If he’s also physically unattractive to you, I can’t imagine that’s helping.
You guys need marriage counseling. You also may need to be taking active steps to pysch yourself up for sex, whether that’s getting more into erotic lit etc or insisting on him warming you up with flirty texts a few hours ahead of time, whatever helps.
Do *you* enjoy the sex you’re having? Do you consistently get off during it? Do you get adequate time to yourself for your own hobbies and personal self fulfilment or are you constantly super busy (read: is he pulling his weight as a co parent and housemate)?
Unsexy opinion: if you’re only having sex for his sake, that’s never going to be enough of an internal motivation to do it a lot, especially if the rest of the relationship is a bit of a trash fire. I’d be doing some self exploration and hitting up a sex therapist as well.
Try the Book “Come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. It greatly helped me to understand my own and my partners libido better. Other than that, speak to a healthcare professional
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