I just had a conversation with a friend where this came up. This friend’s greatest life desire is to get married and have a family, and the fact that they are still single is often very painful.
We talked a lot about their frustration and I validated their pain. As an aside I brought up the idea that while there’s nothing wrong with having a goal to get married, a consolation might be that there are some things that they can do while single that will become much more difficult or impossible once their married and possibly have kids, and that they could lean into those kinds of things while they can.
They seemed very skeptical about this, saying that married people can do everything a single person can do and more.
So I thought I’d ask here. What are some of the opportunities that are now closed to you (or much more difficult) now that you’re married compared to when you were single?
8 comments
Can’t go to a party and wake up in another country when married, can’t go on a spontaneous all-inclusive last minute holiday when married (especially with kids), can’t spend a day at home with the phone and computer off without warning or explaining in the pure comfort of one’s own solitude.
Sleeping on your own spread on the bed, and if you can’t sleep it’s your own fault and not the fact that someone else is interrupting your sleep. Doing whatever the heck you want. Want to sleep for 12 hours then have an afternoon nap? You can. Eat popcorn for dinner and ice cream for breakfast? No one is there to judge you. Want to binge watch garbage on Netflix all day? Go ahead. Your money is your money, no need to share or explain how you want to spend it.
I used to play wow for 12 hours every day while managing uni studies. I miss those days a lot. Married and we have two children. Our oldest is 8. I have not slept a full night for 8 years. Let that sink in. I don’t regret having kids, but it’s rough on your personal freedom and sleep schedule.
Can’t go for dates with other women or have girlfriend anymore.
Can’t make major decisions alone.
I think most people who are married with kids don’t get to live alone, have multiple lovers, come and go as they please, spend a lot of time and money on personal projects and passions, make choices based on their desires and values, maintain proper relationship standards and end bad or lackluster relationships swiftly and without huge costs.
Married moms used to hit on me all the time.
Now it’s single ones who do it.
It’s a clown world. I couldn’t shag either. The pain of being a ridiculously good looking dude is much.
When you are single, you don’t have to compromise on anything. You can do whatever you want, spontaneously. If your place is clean, it stays clean unless you mess it up. Your money will only be spent if you spend it. You want to get a pet, fly to Rome, fill up your day with hobbies, work long hours, etc, you can do it without discussion or coordinating schedules.
When you have kids, especially little ones, spontaneous freedom is gone.
I don’t understand the tone here. Being single and being married are two different phases of life and have several difference.
Is this post about asking differences or is it about regrets.