So I’ve been accused of not having social skills a few times, but hear me out on this one, is this one of the cases?
There’s a freshman who joined my lifting club at school; I’m the pres. He wasn’t very good, but I helped him out a lot because I wanted to see him improve. He ended up having course conflicts with our meeting times so he stopped coming, but stayed in touch and we did a little here and there during non-practice times. Overall didn’t see him much through the bulk of the semester, just the first month and last 2 weeks. Anyway, he says he wants to participate more, but at the end suddenly decides to drop out, citing financial reasons. So I wish him well, hoping he can come back soon as putting school off is no good. Before he left he said he’d go to the gym everyday, and I told him that’s overkill, and not to stress about it (because I know it’s unreasonable and unfeasible as we got other things to do, and I have a sense of his commitment level).
It’s winter break right now. 2 weeks ago was Xmas and he asked what training equipment he should buy – and he wants something really expensive, like a few hundred bucks. I was flabbergasted, how could he want expensive equipment when he didn’t even have money to pay for school? He said a relative just passed and there was a decent amount of money in the will. I was happy for him that he’d prob be able to go to school again, even though he’d still take a semester off. I advised him not to buy the expensive equipment, and just get 6 months gym membership instead. He said his dad wants to get both, and I’m like wtf, but w/e – so I spent some time picking out a good set-up at reasonable price.
So it’s present day and he finally went to the gym yesterday. Asked him if he had a good time and all. Then asked when he’ll be back and if he got the membership. He responds with, “I work everyday 9-5, I don’t have money, and I don’t even know when I’ll be free next since I’m busy with work.” Now I’m super confused because this is in direct conflict with what I already know – his commitment to go everyday + a lot of money came in the will. So I asked where the money went, and he said his dad spent it all \[in 2 weeks?!\]. I was literally so confused, so I tried to clear things up and suggested “Something doesn’t sound right”. And he asked me to elaborate. So I said, “sounds to me like your dad isn’t very responsible with money”. This set him off and he then sent me a lot of triggered messages about how I have no social skills.
My personal summary of this is: I heard A, I got B, I got confused, I asked for clarification, and my clarification was accused of being inappropriate.
Alright, challenge for you guys. I know how it is asking on reddit, people are quick to point out what’s wrong, but not so much with offering solutions. So, perhaps if I could get some feedback on the interaction including: was I wrong, where I went wrong, is this a social skills issue, and **most importantly** \- what would’ve been better… that would be cool to hear. Thanks!
1 comment
It’s understandable that you were confused. Anyone would have been confused in that situation.
But I’m guessing what got him riled up was the comment you made about his dad. Whether the man is irresponsible or not is none of your business, especially when you don’t even know the family. Maybe this freshman kid is dealing with other fallouts of his dad’s recklessness and that wasn’t a comment he appreciated.
Of course, it’s still not right for him to be rude to you. Accusing you of not having social skills is just low and shows his immaturity. You’re the president of a club, which means you obviously do have some good social skills.
What you could have done is focus more on your confusion and less on accusing people of things. For example: “I’m confused because I remember you said you wanted to do X, Y, Z. Do you have different plan now?” Even when he brings up his dad spending the money, just nod and move on. If you’re close, you can ask him more about it, but if you’re not then leave it alone. Either way, making judgments about someone or their family is never a good idea.