My best friend (let’s call her Ally) and I have been like sisters since we were 8. However, as we got older I ended up being the more “popular” one especially with guys. I’m not flirty with men by any means, deliberately cold to be honest. I don’t know if that is something men find attractive, but over the course of our friendship, many of Ally’s crushes ended up being interested in me. Although she never mentioned it, I could see that it clearly hurt her. Her first boyfriend (also my friend) confessed he liked me when we were 17. At the time, trying to be a good friend, I told Ally about his confession, they broke up and she became extremely insecure about her physical appearance. It took her nearly 1.5 years to finally feel confident enough to try and date again.
In order to avoid history from repeating, I made sure to keep as much distance as possible from her new boyfriend. In the 4 months they have been dating, I have met him 3 times, 2 of which were coincidental because he happened to show up at her place while I was there. An hour ago, he randomly called (I didn’t even know he has my number) and asked to speak. Thinking it is about my best friend, I let him talk but what he ended up saying after the small talk is that he is interested in spending time with me and that he feels like I’m a better match for him than Ally. He asked me to think about it and let him know by the weekend.
I have no interest in him whatsoever, but I feel like I need to let Ally know of his call. At the same time, I know this will serve as another blow to her confidence and that is something I really do not want. Should I tell her, or should I just deny him and let them continue dating? If I do tell her, how should I go about it?
8 comments
You met the guy 3 times and he is already interested in you more than Ally in 4 months? Tell her. Because if he is ready to toss her for someone he barely seen, that relationship won’t last. No need for her to fall deeper only to have her heart broken later on.
>If I do tell her, how should I go about it?
That sadly I can’t suggest as I don’t know her or what would feel better. Most likely do it in person, now if you want to do it the 3 of you or you and her alone, i don’t know. Both are options.
I think honesty is the best policy. Show her the call log as proof but remember it’s your word against his if she confronts him about it. She has full control over her reactions. She needs to understand she’s a great person and beautiful in her own way. The right person will appreciate her without looking at you.
Talk to her in person Alone so that you can comfort her, tell her what happened but also explain the scummy nature of what he’s doing, it’s not about you being attractive or not, it’s about them being unloyal with no morals, any decent guy wouldn’t try going after another woman while in a relationship especially not the friend of the gf.
Why don’t you ask your friend how her boyfriend got your number? Then tell her about the disturbing call. In person is always better so she can see your body language and know it’s hard for you too. Is there a chance your friend set this up to test your loyalty? It just seems so far fetched, unless your a 10 and throwing out some serious vibes, I don’t know what guy would risk that🤷♂️
This is honestly because the men like neither of you and is hoping to get a chance with both.
I hope you both see the situation for what it is, and move on. This will happen throughout college as well. It’s a common tactic.
You should also consider if these guys just think that you’re easier. I learned that this was their thought process because I was super friendly, it seemed as if I would have a hard time being rude to them. Men who see this will immediately try their chances.
Lots of luck , and your friend will find someone who likes her
It also looks really bad that you let him talk because that’s a common way of seeing how open you are to personal conversation. You gave him the confidence he needed by being on the phone with him instead of immediately being suspicious.
It’s not your fault entirely but it’s also not because your more attractive or desirable. You make them think they would have a chance and I wouldn’t be surprised if it surprises them when you turn them down.
You should let your friend find better friends than you. If her bf can call you and have small talk without an immediate “this is weird “ reaction, then you’re part of the problem. Possibly knowingly…
Sometimes girls unintentionally hang out with other girls because incidents like this allows for constant comparison. & confuses young girls into thinking their so pretty and that’s why it happens
On a previous post you talk about how your rather attractive and multiple guys are pursuing you right now…. I don’t think you’re a great friend…
Your lies and additions to the story is just making it even worse…. If she’s smart she’ll find a new friend