It’s been three weeks since the argument now. The argument started because of a Facebook story that my GF posted of her outfit with a screenshot of a text message from her guy friend jokingly commenting how it looked like a raincoat when it’s a formal dress. I was bothered by the fact that she had also sent him pictures of her outfit, although it wasn’t revealing, I was really selfish in the sense that I didn’t want another guy to know what my GF was wearing for that day. I would not have been bothered if the guy knew what she was wearing from her story, but it was her who DM’d him and sent him the pictures directly. And I honestly thought as a BF, I had the privilege to know what she was wearing, so I felt that was something special, but that was broken when I realized she also sent it to her guy friend. However, at the same time, I was really curious as to why GF would send pictures of their outfit to their guy friends. I can imagine a girl sending another girl their outfit possibly for feedback or compliment. Or if a girl sends it to her boyfriend, she would be looking for a compliment. I just couldn’t understand why a guy friend would need to know what my GF was wearing for the day. So I asked her why she sent pictures of her outfit to the guy. And her reaction and response were not as I expected. Although I was upset, I texted her in the most casual tone possible, but she got upset. She was upset that I even asked this. She responded with something along the line of, “So friends can’t update each other?” Then I proceed to tell her of my worries as a BF on why I was bothered with another guy knowing. She texted back in a challenging tone, “If you want to have my account, you can have it.” Obviously, I didn’t accept the offer because I know she was saying it out of the heat of the moment. I honestly felt like she was overreacting a bit too much, it’s not like I’m accusing her of cheating or anything, I was just curious as to why she would send it to him and I convey my feelings of discomfort. Therefore I did the stupidest thing then, trying to fight using logic against emotion. She was getting emotional and I was trying to rationalize the situation by explaining to her that I only meant to ask out of curiosity with no intention of accusing her of doing something bad. I know that sending pictures of your outfit to a friend, guy, or girl, is nothing wrong. It’s just that I was curious about it and uncomfortable with it, and I just wanted to be honest with my feelings.
This explanation was what got us to where we are right now. As previously mentioned, she was wearing a formal dress, she was attending a social event that she set up herself. Therefore she was really tired after it was all done. Instead of explaining, she wanted me to be quiet, empathize with her, and understand her view. This issue has occurred many times in our past arguments. We would start an argument, we would continuously argue for our points. She would then become quiet, I take a moment to think and apologize for my involvement in the argument and for any wrongs that I might’ve done. She would forgive and we’re done. However, I was frustrated with how things have always seemed to be my fault, and I don’t feel like she understands me. So that’s why each time I tried explaining myself in hopes that she would also see where I’m coming from. But anyways, I believe that this time she was really tired so she wanted me to empathize with her and understand her view to not prolong the argument. I realized that as the man in the relationship, I should’ve also been the bigger person in the relationship and the argument, and I should’ve backed down to empathize with her. This was something that really damaged our relationship this time. She said she lost trust in me changing and she is questioning if I truly cherish her.
In the past three weeks after the argument, she has been asking me for space because she said that this time, it wasn’t as easy for her to simply forgive and work it out again and she was uncomfortable with me. She refused to meet me. But she didn’t exactly define her definition of space. I believed that I should leave her alone and don’t text her until she does. But slowly I realized that she want space as in me not texting her as much as before and when we do meet at school, we wouldn’t be doing a couple of things like walking together or doing any acts of service for each other. Although I realized that this space is for her to prioritize her life, family, and friends, I feel like there are times when she doesn’t respect me or even loses interest. She told me beforehand that she might or might not go out with a guy from her hometown that I do not know, and she asked me if I’m uncomfortable with it or jealous. To which I answered yes I was uncomfortable. Yet she still decided to go with the guy anyways without texting me anything for two hours. I trust that they didn’t do anything like cheating, but I was bothered by how she knew that I was uncomfortable with it and still decided to go without giving me much context. Or when we do meet and I set up a time for us to have a one-on-one talk. She would roll her eyes whenever I was speaking.
I’ve been respectfully given her space to a certain extent, but honestly, I’ve been really bothered by it. Although she’s been getting a little warmer over time, our conversations have been getting a little more mutual and casual. And she also let me meet her outside of school. Over the last three weeks, I’ve learned about the importance of empathy in communication and how it is more important than logic. I believe that this is what I’ve been getting wrong which led to her feeling unheard. I feel like we’ve been drifting apart in the past few days, although sometimes she does engage in the conversation, other times she doesn’t. I asked her if we can have a conversation talking to each other about the issue and how we can move on with the relationship. But she said she was not ready, to which she did not elaborate. I really want to give her the space she needs, but I really miss her and I really want to work on our relationship. I’m somewhere in between giving her space and wanting to have a proper talk with her about this. Prolonging this awkward situation and phase between us is really bothering me and I don’t want it to be longer.
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TL;DR: I’m the toxic partner that apologizes without changing. She lost trust in me changing and it’s been three weeks since our argument and she said she needs space. But now I’ve truly found a way to change, how can I rekindle this relationship?